When your better off financially than those around you.

[glocke12]

I have many friends that are unemployed or dont make that much money, and I am also in a band with some people that are unemployed.

I work, make good money (not to be confused with being wealthy), and as a result am able to find ways to afford things that some people can not such as expensive bass guitars, electronics, etc....I've sacrificed in many ways to be able to afford these things, and have no guilt about owning anything I have.

Lately I've been hearing some pretty snarky comments from people who are less fortunate. Some of these are from the members of this band, others are from friends who are less fortunate than myself.

This became really apparent yesterday at band practice as a friend of the band starting going on in a drunk and stoned rant about how he knew how expensive my gear was, and did I know that he's been unemployed for 5 years, another guy who is in the band has been unemployed for two years, etc..etc..

Now I have not always been able to afford nice things. For a long time I could not afford anything. I was never, ever jealous about what others had, and never angry at people for owning expensive things. I've always been pretty much happy go lucky and have always been content with whatever I had at that point in my life. On the contrary, at times in my life when I had no money but knew people who were well off, I think I felt lucky to know people who were able to own things that I might otherwise only see pictures of in a magazine.

The kicker is that I fully recognize that I am lucky to be in a position where I can afford things that others can not.

As a result I tend to be generous. If I do an upgrade on something in my house, often times I will give away (or sell very cheaply) the item I am upgrading from to a friend who could use it (in the past this has been speakers, stereo equipment, kitchen gadgets, etc). In the band I am in the guys like to party, so I will often stop on my way and pick up extra booze and leave it with them as opposed to taking it back home.

Just curious if anyone else is in a similar position, where they are lucky to be employed, have extra money and those around them are not in that position and exhibit anger or jealousy?

 

[Tomorrow]

Sounds like your "friends" are jealous and snarky. Very disappointing.

I admire your resolve to not feel guilty, though, because you shouldn't. Sounds like you've worked for and earned what you have.

 

[rdowns]

Drunk and stoned and sit around playing music? No wonder they don't have jobs.

I agree with Tomorrow. You have zero to feel guilty about.

 

[AnimaLeo]

You sound like a nice guy. Don't feel bad, it's the people around you that have the problem, not you.

 

[KnightWRX]

Just don't hang with poor people. There's a reason they're poor and it might rub off on you. I recycle my friend circle as my revenue outgrows them.

Also, make sure to change your gf to a younger model when getting rid of her du to her insufficient income.

 

[Melrose]

When friends judge you based on your income, rather than on your personality or other merits, time to find other friends.

Granted, if you're a complete ass about having more money, that's different - but when you behave the same way you always have but through hard work you've achieved more... walk away.

 

[neko girl]

@Melrose, you must have a million NPH avatars!

Regarding being better off, I always have a tendency to share anything/everything I have, but I always remind myself to do it first with family before friends.

Anyway, friends who are jealous like that aren't your friends.

 

[Bonch]

Sell your stuff and give them the money. It's better then going to hell.

 

[dr.devious]

My wife and I have been talking about this alot lately. We decided to move in with our in-laws a few years ago to pay-off our credit card and other forms of debt. We worked really hard to pay everything off, and gave up a great deal of freedom both in terms of living with our family and using most of our income to pay off debt. We are now debt free, except for student loans which are in deferment while I am in grad school.

Now we both have great jobs, decent income, and no debt. We are FAR more financially sound than most of our friends and co-workers. Most of them have made comments or exhibited behavior similar to your observation. As an example, I recently purchased a baseball jersey (a childhood wish) and the comments from people were unbelievably rude. I also replaced some camera gear that I sold to pay off debt, last year, which elicited comments. It is incredible how much can be spent and saved when you pay off debt.

The comments and immature behavior about money can be friendship killer...

 

[nospeed411]

I get it too...we scrimped and saved for years to be able to open our own automotive business and where always "behind" so to speak. Now..we have no debt a sustainable business and enjoy a modest life with a few bucks to spare (not much , but a few). I constantly have friends and acquaintances who are outwardly jealous and are just plain ignorant to us. Funny I don't remember being a dick to them when we where broke. Just makes me furious when I think about it. If they weren't so damn lazy they could have the same things.

As for being unemployed for 2 yrs....really??? Funny how most fast foods are always hiring....oh wait it's easier to be supported by the government ...never mind.

I hate jealous lazy bastards.

 

[mscriv]

First, how you spend your money is no one else's business. Second, friendship is built on mutual respect, trust, and honesty. It doesn't sound like your friends are being very respectful. Now, it could be that their behavior is the result of increasing stress they are feeling due to their own circumstances. It's quite common that we take things out on those closest to us. It's up to you how you want to handle the situation, but one option is to just have a simple discussion with any friends that make those kinds of comments. Don't be rude or defensive, but simply explain that it bothers you when they talk that way and that you work very hard to earn what you have. Hopefully they will respect this boundary. Another option is simply to ignore their comments, but if you choose this route then you have to truly let it go and just move on.

 

[-Ken-]

Unemployed for 2 and 5 years? Drunk and stoned?

It sounds like terrible choices they have made rather than being an unfortunate victim of events.

I'm charitable towards those who are willing to improve themselves but it sounds like they just want to mooch off of your hard work and success.

 

[leekohler]

I have some friends who've been unemployed for over a year and a half. They won't even return my calls. Sad thing is, if they had, I could have helped them get work at my company recently. Oh well.

There is nothing you can do about these people. I've known lots of people like this- it's mainly why I left Ohio, the defeatist attitude permeates that state.

 

[OneMike]

For starters I think you have to be careful how you throw the term "friend" around.

Second, I think the people you associate yourself with says a lot about you.

 

[h1r0ll3r]

I'm in the same boat as you (sort of). I wasn't always able to afford nice things and sometimes I'd have to get hand me down items like furniture or electronics; things like that. Never complained but, like everyone, always wanted some nicer stuff to have around.

Fast forward a couple years and now working and earning a decent salary. Now I have the ability to purchase nice things on my own and be proud that I've worked my way up to be able to do so. There is a great sense of pride and accomplishment in being able to afford nice things for yourself. Not to sound materialistic or anything but it feels good to know that you have and can afford some nice things now whereas previously you were unable to.

I have a couple of people (I hesitate to call them friends) that are not so lucky and do struggle or are unemployed. When they see my MBP or my iPhone it's like "OH, here comes Mr. BigShot with all his shiny new toys" and what not. Now, they're unlucky because they're lazy and, for the most parts, idiots. If you hate working an hourly job, don't piss off your manager, get fired and then find an even lower paying hourly job because now, all of the sudden, you're out of work

Bottom line is that I know that I'm in a much better place as a result of what I did and what decisions I made. As a result, I'm living more comfortably, have some nice toys to play with and, overall, feel better about my current situation.

If your "friends" are sneaking in snarky comments here and there then it might be time to find others to associate with. It'll only get worse as their feelings of resentment and jealousy grow with each passing new toy you show up with. Be proud of where you're at and how you got there. If your friends can't appreciate your efforts paying off for you, then ditch 'em. No sense in hanging around people that will resent you for being ambitious.