If I play on the 9600M shared card (256MB)
You mean your shared 9400M.
But if I want really good fps for fighting in battle grounds or just a bunch of monsters in really large places. I need my 512MB card.
Actually you just need the faster GPU with the faster, dedicated VRAM... you don't really need more VRAM.
But it makes my computer much hotter. So Im wondering... am I slowly killing my computer? Like... cooking it from the inside?
No. Heat like that won't kill a CPU or GPU... only overvolting it will. 90C is pretty high, but not unheard of in modern CPU/GPUs.
Or worse... kills itself?
*Blinks* Well if it ... kills itself I guess that's out of your control... o.o