Listen pal, I specifically remember bringing my mouse to my house with my spouse and she complained "UGH, what's the matter with this thing?! The little slidy thingy is like sooo hard to muve!"
And I was like "Nah baby, give it time, see, plastics, they morph after repeated flexation so it's like next month it won't even be a thing, see?"
About 3 weeks after she left me I was fiddling with my mouse and realized I was actually playing a violin and that my "mouse" was in fact a hydrocodone induced illusion. Afterwards I was playing with my Mighty Mouse and realized I could slide the switch back and forth rather effortlessly using only my thumb pad.
The moral of the story is, when you make a big deal about computer hardware you WILL sleep alone the next few nights, that is if you don't consider Hydro your friend...