A Chick Query (long)

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by leftbanke7, Apr 26, 2006.

  1. leftbanke7 macrumors 6502a


    Feb 4, 2004
    West Valley City, Utah
    OK, before I start, I know nobody likes reading these and after I am done writing I will turn myself in to the MR powers that be for my deserved flogging. With that, I will begin

    I was involved with this chick a couple years back (friends with benefits sort of thing) and we had a falling out. She was seeing less of me and more of one of my good friends, and I wasn't digging that, so I bounced from both of them. Fast forward to January and I end up running into her at my friend's house (same friend as above as we had reconsiled a few months earlier). So her and I keep in touch and do the whole e-mail/myspace/text message thing but it is all real casual. No big deal. But then one night (well, morning as it was 3 AM) she calls me up tells me she needs to come over for a while because she can't stay at my friend's house and she's had one too many for her to comfortably drive home (she didn't get real specific as to why she couldn't stay with him; I would assume she couldn't handle him emotionally that night). I tell her cool as I don't want her to get a DUI or put her car into a ditch.

    She normally is very stoic and guarded about her emotional state until she has been drinking. Then she tends to open up (in this instance, a lot). She arrives at my house and no more than 30 seconds in, she starts taking the whole blame for our little falling out. Keep in mind we still haven't even made it inside of the house yet (I met her at her car). So we get inside and she starts talking about various things and then asks me if I want to know the story between her and my friend (unsolicited, I might add). I tell her sure and she goes into how my friend and her were in a relationship until last year and they broke up and then got back together and the cycle repeats itself. That night I guess he was telling all of his friends at a party they were at that they were back together and she didn't seem real gun-ho about the idea. She then goes on to tell me about how he has been emotionally abusive to her (this is kind of important, I'll explain later) and all that. She says that he is the reason that she has begun seeing a shrink and taking anti-depressants. Then we begin to discuss various things between me and her and I get the impression that she is looking for sex. But not much longer later she starts telling me that she doesn't want to hurt me and all the vibes and hints I was getting about her wanting sex are suddenly gone (in addition to the not-so-subtle hint of "get off of me"...I was still clothed BTW ;) ).

    So my curiosities are two fold:

    First, I really get the impression that she stays with my friend because he is very similar, emotionally speaking, to her ex-husband and she hasn't completely gotten the ex out of the system. From what I have gathered, both were/are emotionally distant and abusive. Am I seeing this right?

    Second, and I am 99.9% sure of this but just looking for confirmation here. Her wanting to sleep with me was solely a way for her to get back at my friend. What I am not real sure on is the reason why she backed out. I have some theories:

    One: She doesn't think I can emotionally handle being "used for sex",
    Two: She really does take the blame for our (and by association, mine and my friend's) falling out and doesn't want feel she is the cause again,
    Three: A combination of the two
    Four: Some reason I have no clue of.

    And now I am sure you are all thinking about my alterior motives here. Honestly, I really don't have any. I think of her as a friend and I'd like to see her be happy with her life (and if that happiness involved her telling me to get lost, I'd leave). But like I said before, she is really stoic and guarded and whenever any emotional subject comes up (while sober), she instantly shuts it down. So I try to drop hints where I can that I am available to talk whenever she needs.

    There you have it fellow MacRumorians.

    Let the flogging begin!
  2. MongoTheGeek macrumors 68040


    Sep 13, 2003
    Its not so much where you are as when you are.

    My Magic 8 Ball says "Let sleeping dogs lie."

    1. She is not your problem.
    2. She is almost definitely not a good enough piece of tail to be worth the drama.
    3. There will be drama whether you are there or not.
    4. If your friend is a good person tell him she seems a little ******* crazy and explain
    5. If your friend is not a good person, avoid both of them.
  3. CanadaRAM macrumors G5


    Oct 11, 2004
    On the Left Coast - Victoria BC Canada
    Run away from any romantic involvement...

    Unless you enjoy being used as an emotional plaything. Mouse, meet cat.

    The lady has some repeating (and potentially destructive) life patterns that are way better being told to a professional than to a well meaning friend.
  4. zelmo macrumors 603


    Jul 3, 2004
    Mac since 7.5
    <car alarm voice> STEP AWAY FROM THE DRAMA QUEEN!!</car alarm voice>
  5. vniow macrumors G4

    Jul 18, 2002
    I accidentally my whole location.
    I'm only posting because of this.

    Seriously though, it sounds like there's been quite a bit of emotional games and turmoil here, not something I would personally get into, even for sex. She sounds a lot like my ex who would repeatedly get into these kinds of situations and end up using people who were trying to help her (including me) as a sort of a crutch which is not a situation I really wanted to be in.

    I have to agree with the other posters, this is something that she has to deal with that doesn't really involve you. Best let her do that I suppose.
  6. baby duck monge macrumors 68000

    baby duck monge

    Feb 16, 2003
    Memphis, TN
    Ooh, and never forget that you can't legally consent while drunk, so you could have ended up getting yourself in a lot of trouble if she really is nuts.
  7. pseudobrit macrumors 68040


    Jul 23, 2002
    Jobs' Spare Liver Jar
    Four: She was drunk.

    Overall, she sounds unstable. Let's see where she falls on the scale:

    Marry her |
    Keep her |
    Take her to meet your parents |
    Needs improvement |
    You can do better |
    Probably a bad idea v
    Stay away o
    Run away ^
    Disconnect your phone |
    Adopt alias, move out of state |​

    Yup, that's a solid "stay away" rating. You heard it here first.
  8. leftbanke7 thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Feb 4, 2004
    West Valley City, Utah
    LOL...where do I get one of those scales?

    Thanks for all the info!
  9. vniow macrumors G4

    Jul 18, 2002
    I accidentally my whole location.
    I want one too. I'm guessing I'd be close to the "Probably a bad idea" but I'd like to know for sure.
  10. i.Feature macrumors 6502


    Apr 11, 2005
    Montreal, Canada
    Exactly. Either she's attempting to play you or she's an emotional garbage pile. In either case you should tell her quite politely(or not, its your perogative) to be careful not to let the door hit her on her way out.
  11. MongoTheGeek macrumors 68040


    Sep 13, 2003
    Its not so much where you are as when you are.
    And count your spoons when she's gone.
  12. Diatribe macrumors 601


    Jan 8, 2004
    Back in the motherland
    I like that scale. :D Although I guess I'd rate meeting my parents above keeping her ;)
  13. Phat Elvis macrumors 6502

    Dec 26, 2005
    Phila, PA
    She is definitely on the "run away" part of the scale. Sounds like there will always be drama for her. Better to not be involved at all - unless that's your thing.
  14. 2nyRiggz macrumors 603


    Aug 20, 2005
    Thank you Jah...I'm so Blessed
    Fled the area bro...leave it alone...you will feel much better and you will never be caught in that drama.

  15. Abulia macrumors 68000


    Jun 22, 2004
    Kushiel's Scion
    I've no advice to give, but I'm also in Salt Lake City, Utah so once the majority has reached a decision, I'd be happy to flog you. :)

  16. leftbanke7 thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Feb 4, 2004
    West Valley City, Utah
    I reluctantly agree to this. I will make sure the event is recorded so that the powers that be may see me receive my deserved beating.

    :) :p :cool:
  17. jelloshotsrule macrumors G3


    Feb 7, 2002
    don't worry about her. instead, start going cougar hunting.

    "My advice is, if your striking out at the bars for the youngins, go to a cougar bar and dress up all preppy... bag yourself a cougar, take her home and bone her a few times... then pass out.. in the morning they usualy leave...

    but in order to acomplish this there needs to be a VERY accessable phone so they can call a cab "

    words of wisdom

    i like to keep that sort of wisdom fresh in peoples' minds by reiterating it every so often. ;)
  18. sunfast macrumors 68020


    Oct 14, 2005
    Run! And keep running!

    She sounds like a headcase.
  19. lanray macrumors regular

    Mar 18, 2005
    So, here's a lady, drunk, calls you out of nowhere, reveals her need for antidepressants, then (possibly) sends mixed messages about sex? And, a previously failed marriage? I don't know you, but I can say with confidence that you can and should do better. Befriend her, if you want to, but leave sex out of it for her and your sake.

    Oh, and the scale is great. Maybe TM the thing and sell it on eBay.

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