A Funniest Joke.....

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by buddyburton, Dec 12, 2009.

  1. buddyburton macrumors newbie

    Dec 9, 2009
    Hi to all.....
    I have a one funniest joke and I am sharing that with you all.

    A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
    The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
    The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
    The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
    The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
    The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
  2. scottness macrumors 65816


    Mar 18, 2009
    Room 101
  3. Rt&Dzine macrumors 6502a


    Oct 8, 2008
    Good joke, buddyburton!

    If someone's joke can make me laugh out loud, I'll admire you forever. This is a challenge. :D
  4. Consultant macrumors G5


    Jun 27, 2007
    A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
He grabs some olives from the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
The bartender screams "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the cheeky little beggar. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his bum, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."

    and another joke
    A Louisiana businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied.
    He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except the Voodoo Penis!'
    The husband said 'The what?'
    The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis.'
    The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'
    The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door!'
    The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.
    The husband immediately bought it. He took it home to his wife, and after the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis.
    She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.'
    The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck.
    Her husband had neglected to tell her how to send it back to its box!
    So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital.
    On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.
    He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
    Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got a Voodoo Penis stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'
    The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!'

    The rest, as they say, is history.
  5. Dagless macrumors Core


    Jan 18, 2005
    Fighting to stay in the EU
    What's both big and small at the same time?
    A big egg.
  6. montycat macrumors 6502


    Mar 19, 2007
    A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here".
  7. mscriv macrumors 601


    Aug 14, 2008
    Dallas, Texas
    What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

  8. rdowns macrumors Penryn


    Jul 11, 2003
    That would be dam. :D
  9. -aggie- macrumors P6


    Jun 19, 2009
    Where bunnies are welcome.
    Where are the hot dogs?
  10. mscriv macrumors 601


    Aug 14, 2008
    Dallas, Texas
    I love that joke. Don't you? A classic short, simple, and funny play on words. It's surprising how many people don't get it.
  11. Mousse macrumors 68000


    Apr 7, 2008
    Flea Bottom, King's Landing
    Here's an old Eddie Murphy (back when he was still funny and doing stand up) joke:
    A bear and a rabbit were taking a sh** in the forest. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with sh** sticking to your fur?"
    The rabbit answered, "Nope." So the bear wiped his a** with the rabbit.
  12. mscriv macrumors 601


    Aug 14, 2008
    Dallas, Texas

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