A letter to Tech Support

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Barry N, Mar 14, 2008.

  1. Barry N macrumors member

    Barry N

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2007
    Location:
    Edmonton,Alberta,Canada
    #1
    Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity like my applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications! I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

    Thanks, A Troubled User

    Reply:

    Dear Troubled User:
    This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to un-install, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

    WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. It may even crash your system.

    Best of luck,
    Tech Support
    x67861


    Additional Support from a Discussion Board Participant:

    You might also want to know that Wife 1.0 is "self aware". As an advanced operating system, it is fully aware of your efforts to "correct", "remove" or "repair" it, for it tracks every one of your keystrokes! So, by simply sending out this "cry for help" to tech support, you may be required to immediately purchase and install Flowers 2.1 and APOLOGIZE. Also, don't forget to download It's ALL My Fault 4.1 and You Look Great In That 4.7. If those do not work, Diamonds 5.0 or Gravel 1.1 should help, but I've been told they require additional support from Swallow Pride 1.5 and Suck It Up 1.2. I would not want to be in your shoes. Good Luck!
     
  2. liketom macrumors 601

    liketom

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2004
    Location:
    Lincoln,UK
  3. Teh Don Ditty macrumors G4

    Teh Don Ditty

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2007
    Location:
    Maryland
    #3
    that is rather amusing. I am running Bachelorhood 4.7 right now :D
     
  4. 119576 Guest

    119576

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2007
    #4
    That gave me a much needed giggle.

    I'm quite happy with Playa® For OSXC.
     
  5. Raid macrumors 68020

    Raid

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2003
    Location:
    Toronto
    #5
    I think the top part has been around the 'net for a while (but still funny/true), however the last paragraph is new to me. I'm on wife 1.0 and though I have accidentally triggered Nag 9.5 from time to time, apologize, hugs and chores usually does the trick to getting things working again. ;)
     
  6. Bobdude161 macrumors 65816

    Bobdude161

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Location:
    N'Albany, Indiana
  7. mgargan1 macrumors 65816

    mgargan1

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Location:
    Reston, VA
    #8
    so, would adding threesome beta cause wife 1.0 to BSOD? or Kernel Panic?
     

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