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Alright... I need help. Dating issues, meeting people, etc.

Merc248

Merc248

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Aug 27, 2006
26
0
Seattle, WA
I'm a college student here in Seattle (Seattle University for those who are wondering.) I major in math and computer science, so already my dork factor shoots way up there.

I find that a lot of people in my school are rich and pampered for the most part; I talk to a lot of people, yet I get turned off once they start talking about their parents income, their new car, etc. The few people that I've met that are down to earth have rejected me fairly hard (either that or they're already taken.) Perhaps I'm somewhat closed minded about this whole thing, but eh, I don't know.

I also have somewhat of a fear of approaching women, though I have been whittling that down quite nicely as of late (I'm still quite timid around them however.)

Anyway, considering that I'm still under 21, what would be good places to meet other people around my age outside of my school? Are there any other pieces of advice that can be given on dating or even trying to find people to date?
 
Merc248 said:
I'm a college student here in Seattle (Seattle University for those who are wondering.) I major in math and computer science, so already my dork factor shoots way up there.

I find that a lot of people in my school are rich and pampered for the most part; I talk to a lot of people, yet I get turned off once they start talking about their parents income, their new car, etc. The few people that I've met that are down to earth have rejected me fairly hard (either that or they're already taken.) Perhaps I'm somewhat closed minded about this whole thing, but eh, I don't know.

I also have somewhat of a fear of approaching women, though I have been whittling that down quite nicely as of late (I'm still quite timid around them however.)

Anyway, considering that I'm still under 21, what would be good places to meet other people around my age outside of my school? Are there any other pieces of advice that can be given on dating or even trying to find people to date?
Click to expand...

1. Get off the computer.
2. Open your mind.
3. Go to the pub.
4. Be happy and interested in others, it'll make you more interesting to them.
 
Merc248 said:
I'm a college student here in Seattle (Seattle University for those who are wondering.) I major in math and computer science, so already my dork factor shoots way up there.

I find that a lot of people in my school are rich and pampered for the most part; I talk to a lot of people, yet I get turned off once they start talking about their parents income, their new car, etc. The few people that I've met that are down to earth have rejected me fairly hard (either that or they're already taken.) Perhaps I'm somewhat closed minded about this whole thing, but eh, I don't know.

I also have somewhat of a fear of approaching women, though I have been whittling that down quite nicely as of late (I'm still quite timid around them however.)

Anyway, considering that I'm still under 21, what would be good places to meet other people around my age outside of my school? Are there any other pieces of advice that can be given on dating or even trying to find people to date?
Click to expand...

Step 1: Don't look on web sites like macrumors.com for dating advice
 
Merc248 said:
Can't do (3), I'm underage :p

(4) is definitely good advice though...
Click to expand...

Oops, keep forgetting it's 21 over there.

How about getting a job somewhere? There's bound to be cafés a-go-go in Seattle and working somewhere like that would be great for the social skills and the confidence - you're always around people and lots of the staff are chicks. Just keep the computer science uber-geek under control - look at me, I did my degree in Chemistry so I know what it's like to feel a little overwhelmed but after a while you crave human contact and it makes you want to learn about everyone. The more questions you ask, and the more interested you are the more comfortable the other person will be around you - just make sure you give as much information as you take when the shoe's on the other foot and you're copping the questions. Nobody likes a bloke who's completely closed off.

You've just gotta get out there, the added advantage of working is that when you do start to hit the social scene more often you'll have some cash behind you.
 
Merc248 said:
I'm a college student here in Seattle (Seattle University for those who are wondering.) I major in math and computer science, so already my dork factor shoots way up there.

I find that a lot of people in my school are rich and pampered for the most part; I talk to a lot of people, yet I get turned off once they start talking about their parents income, their new car, etc.
Click to expand...

If I was a young woman, I would be turned on simply by the fact that you use semicolons and proper punctuation. ;)
 
MACDRIVE said:
If I was a young woman, I would be turned on simply by the fact that you use semicolons and proper punctuation. ;)
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Yeah, but you're easy.
 
Chundles hit the spot.

Get a job with a social atmosphere, it'll help with your confidence as you'll get used to new people, and embrace strangers.

It's all about being able to carry a conversation, and respond to conversation from someone interested in speaking to you.

I hate the general public, but i work in a pub and it definately helps.

There are many people who can relate with you, i hope this helps.

EDIT: Aphex Twin, Boards of Canada, Daedelus, Do Make Say Think and Radiohead hey? You have effing good taste in music.

Rich.
 
That's not a bad idea actually, I'm actually trying to get a job as a computer lab tech in a nearby community college, though if I end up not getting the job, I could probably try getting myself employed as a barista in one of the many Starbucks near my school. :p But yeah, usually in those types of situations, I become timid QUICK, though I suppose it'd be something that can be taken down quickly (albeit a bit painfully.)

Oh yeah, thanks fatsoforgotso :D

EDIT: There's another burning question I want to ask: how the hell do I flirt with women in general? How often should I do it?
 
Merc248 said:
That's not a bad idea actually, I'm actually trying to get a job as a computer lab tech in a nearby community college, though if I end up not getting the job, I could probably try getting myself employed as a barista in one of the many Starbucks near my school. :p But yeah, usually in those types of situations, I become timid QUICK, though I suppose it'd be something that can be taken down quickly (albeit a bit painfully.)

Oh yeah, thanks fatsoforgotso :D

EDIT: There's another burning question I want to ask: how the hell do I flirt with women in general? How often should I do it?
Click to expand...

You don't flirt with women, you be kind, nice, happy and helpful and let them make their own minds up. Flirting is massively over-rated. Just be generous and open with yourself - flirting turns you into something you're not and women can see through a guy who's being fake as easily as we can see through whatever Jen Lopez is wearing to the latest awards show.
 
You've got to develope a style that's all your own; something to separate yourself from all the average blokes. Don't waste your time with the homely girls, they have to many insecurity issures. Go for the major babes; most of the guys assume that they're already taken and they will be impressed by your audacity.

PS. Did I use the semicolon correctly? :confused:
 
Merc248 said:
EDIT: There's another burning question I want to ask: how the hell do I flirt with women in general? How often should I do it?
Click to expand...

First, I would recommend trying not to come across as having a big chip on your shoulder about "rich" and "pampered" people.

Generally, just staying relaxed, calm and not appearing as "after something" or desperate.

Of course, I don't have as much experience with girls as I do with guys but I have done it and found it pretty easy. Women aren't some strange and mysterious alien race - you must at least have met your mother, who was probably female. You probably just need to stop looking at women and sizing them up for child-bearing. They can sense it!

"We're being scanned, captain! Nerd off the port bow!"
"RAISE OVARIAN SHIELDS. PREPARE TO FIRE THE DISMISSAL RAY."
 
Merc248 said:
That's not a bad idea actually, I'm actually trying to get a job as a computer lab tech
Click to expand...

no no....no no no no no. I had a computer lab job. Chances of meeting women=0 in that environment, because once their document prints (it's usually something like that i.e. "I can't print") your window of conversation/opportunity is shut.

Though the job was effin' great ;)

really, if you just want to earn a coupla bucks and meet some girls, restaurant work is where it's at. Restaurants=waitresses. I met a lot of girls when I worked at restaurants. Plus this: it's easy to talk to the girls where you work, since you already have that in common. It'll help you with your "chatting up" skills.

the downside: restaurant work effin' sucks. But there's nothing that says you have to stay there if it gets too bad.
 
Allotriophagy said:
You probably just need to stop looking at women and sizing them up for child-bearing. They can sense it!
Click to expand...

Tell me about it ...
shudder.gif
They got some kind of radar system that is more sophisticated than a Aegis Class Destroyer.
 
beatsme said:
no no....no no no no no. I had a computer lab job. Chances of meeting women=0 in that environment, because once their document prints (it's usually something like that i.e. "I can't print") your window of conversation/opportunity is shut.

Though the job was effin' great ;)

really, if you just want to earn a coupla bucks and meet some girls, restaurant work is where it's at. Restaurants=waitresses. I met a lot of girls when I worked at restaurants. Plus this: it's easy to talk to the girls where you work, since you already have that in common. It'll help you with your chatting up skills.

the downside: restaurant work effin' sucks. But there's nothing that says you have to stay there if it gets too bad.
Click to expand...

Seconded.

Computer Lab = Zero Women
Restaurant/Café = lots of women - lots of people full stop.

Comp. Sci. might pay the bills but you can't let it consume your life unless you want to end up all alone. Seeing as you're after a bit of real contact it doesn't seem like you want to let the computer take over your life.

Get outside, get active, get working, get yourself on the radar.

Nobody's going to want to date you if they can't see or talk to you.
 
I agree with Chundles, again, do not attempt flirting. Just be yourself, be interested, be interesting, and let them see for themselves.

Do not go speak to a girl, or carry a conversation with the intention of flirting. If it's conscious in your mind, you will blow it.

The best thing to do is not to force anything, just be polite, friendly, open-minded and interested.

EDIT: Why not start a new hobby? Something that will likely be full of people from both sexes. What about travelling? It will help you understand more about yourself, and be a great thing to talk about when you get back.

Rich.
 
You may hate people at your school, but if you join a school club that you're interested in, that ought to narrow down the number of people you're not likely to enjoy spending time with.

Chundles said:
Yeah, but you're easy.
Click to expand...

Agreed. Sluuuuuuuut.



MACDRIVE said:
Go for the major babes; most of the guys assume that they're already taken and they will be impressed by your audacity.
Click to expand...

The advice given most often to guys who don't seem confident around women, and yet the advice that I find is usually WRONG! :p Most major babes are taken, and the ones who aren't....well......you might have a chance as long as they don't see you as being completely hopeless. ;)

All I mean is that the % of hot hot girls out there who are single is much lower than the percentage of ugly or even average girls. That's not unexpected. I mean, the really hot girl probably had so many options that she must have had at least ONE good option. However, if you find out that a hot girl is single, it's because she hasn't found anyone worth dating. Yet. That's when you sliiiide into the picture and introduce yourself, say the right things, and don't act like sleaze. ;)
 
fatsoforgotso said:
I agree with Chundles, again, do not attempt flirting. Just be yourself, be interested, be interesting, and let them see for themselves.

Do not go speak to a girl, or carry a conversation with the intention of flirting. If it's conscious in your mind, you will blow it.

The best thing to do is not to force anything, just be polite, friendly, open-minded and interested.

EDIT: Why not start a new hobby? Something that will likely be full of people from both sexes. What about travelling? It will help you understand more about yourself, and be a great thing to talk about when you get back.

Rich.
Click to expand...
Alright, duly noted.

I actually like taking tons of photos with my film SLR camera... perhaps that could somehow trickle down into meeting more people? ;p

Travelling is something I've always wanted to do but never had the money for. I suppose with that barista job I'll be able to get enough money to at least travel somewhere outside of my state. :p
 
Travelling is the best thing in the world for opening your eyes and finding yourself as a person. I Cycled round Europe this year with my best friend, and it was the best feeling in the world being completely free to go wherever we wanted and meet new people and do whatever we wanted!
 
Sdashiki said:
talk about what you hate, more than what you like, its always an eaiser conversation when you both are ranting!
Click to expand...

Yea Windows does suck! ^5
 
BEWARE: Clichés abound..

1) Be yourself.
2) If you're LOOKING for it, you won't find it. Stop LOOKING for it.
3) Be yourself.
4) Don't be in a rush to have a love life.

Yes, clichés all.. however, it wouldn't be a cliché if it wasn't based in truth, no?
 
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