Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by nbs2, Apr 19, 2006.

  1. nbs2 macrumors 68030


    Mar 31, 2004
    A geographical oddity
    I am writing this while I wait for my "Guaranteed Ride Home."

    My grandmother passed away this morning after battling jaw cancer for almost a year. Like my mother, I wonder sometimes why this happened to her. She never smoked, chewed, ate meat or really did anything unhealthy (she liked sweets, but only in moderation). She lives in India, and my mom won't be able to get there before she is cremated.

    But, what hurts more than anything is my grandfather. He has alzheimers and the only person he can recognize on a regular basis is my grandmother. When not with her, he is lost and confused. As an act of charity for both, I always hoped that he would pass on before she did. Now, I am afraid for him - his physical health is almost perfect.

    I don't even know what the point of this thread is. I try not to create threads unless I can think of something that people can respond to. But, right now, I don't know what I want to say or ask. I guess how have those of you who lost loved ones physically to cancer and mentally to alzheimers been able to respond and rebound yourselves?
  2. Lyle macrumors 68000


    Jun 11, 2003
    Madison, Alabama
    I don't have anything to contribute, but I did want to say that I'm sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Will your grandfather continue to live in India, or has that been discussed yet?
  3. nbs2 thread starter macrumors 68030


    Mar 31, 2004
    A geographical oddity
    Yeah, I have uncles out there (one lives around the corner from where my grandparents live). But, when my grandma was in the hospital, my grandfather lived with them - he got really aggressive at the end. They are thinking a nursing home may be the best option. I don't like it, but it may be the only way to get him needed attention 24/7. I don't know.....And I really am getting annoyed at DC Yellow...they should be here now. I just want to go home...
  4. dmw007 macrumors G4


    May 26, 2005
    Working for MI-6
    I have no adequate words to offer to express my sympathies to you and your family other than I am sorry. My deepest sympathies to you and your family during this tough time in your life. :(
  5. thedude110 macrumors 68020


    Jun 13, 2005
    My condolences to you and to your family, nbs2.

    "(Grief is) not a splint
    or gentle injection,
    it is the redeemer
    who has dreamt me
    in the waiting place,
    a slip-shod small arm
    playing vigil to
    my own life."
  6. Mr. Durden macrumors 6502a

    Jan 13, 2005
  7. student_trap macrumors 68000


    Mar 14, 2005
    'Ol Smokey, UK
    I'm very sorry for your loss, your situation is awful.
  8. floriflee macrumors 68030


    Dec 21, 2004
    The one thing that I'm thankful for is that we went and saw his grandparents in India over Christmas/New Year's. It was my one and only time of meeting them. Even though she was sick in the hospital at the time of our visit she was still so sweet towards us. You could just tell that she was a great lady and had such a great spirit.

    His grandfather started new medication while we were there to help keep him calm since he is in unfamiliar surroundings (Neil's uncle's house), and from what his uncle said the medication seems to be helping.

    When my grandfather on my dad's side passed away from cancer several years ago, my parents had my grandmother come live with them. It was both emotionally and physically draining on all of them mostly because my grandmother missed my grandfather so much. I can only imagine what it's like at this point to have a parent that loses his/her spouse and know that they don't know that it has happened and to have to bear that burden somewhat alone.

    Why life happens this way I don't know. From what I can tell it seems like the strongest ones are the ones that are challenged the most. Not that that gives much consolation, but it does provide a little comfort to know that the burdens we bear are ones that are bearable (if that makes any sense). These things we face in life are hard, but we can get through them.
  9. bousozoku Moderator emeritus

    Jun 25, 2002
    Gone but not forgotten.
    Sorry to hear about your situation. I understand quite well.

    My parents are like your grandparents were. Within the last two years, my dad has even lost his vocabulary and rarely recognises people or at least, doesn't remember their names. Last Christmas, he referred to me as "that guy" when I was preparing to return home.

    My mum, on the other hand, is smart and aware but suffering from the depression of taking care of him and not being able to leave him alone for a moment. He's only truly safe when he's sleeping. She's never able to sleep soundly, though.

    People will think me cruel but your grandmother is better off and it's unfortunate that your grandfather didn't die, too. He only lives in confusion, I'm sure.

    I hope that your family will be okay. You certainly have my sympathy.

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