Am I in the wrong?

That's all I needed to read. Just accept that you're wrong, it's easier that way.

 

Personally, I wouldn't get so worked up about it. Forget about it and move on.

 

Good advice. Always pick your battles. This one isn't worth the headaches down the road. As John Rambo once advised Sheriff Teasle: "Let it go. Let it go."

 

You were releasing anger that had nothing to do with being blamed for leaving the rice out.

 

I understand the concept of "picking your battles" BUT when someone gets blamed for EVERYTHING all the time is just ridculious in my opinion. I think YOU NEED to put your foot down and tell her to STOP blaming you for using YOU as the ALWAYS to "blame" person. I personally think she does that to you because you just do not get it thru to her to STOP putting ALL THE BLAME ALWAYS on YOU! You NEED to find a way to make her STOP blaming you!

 

Perhaps there are deeper issues here if this is truly causing such a great conflict.

 

When I was doing couples therapy, a simple concept occurred to me (since I am basically only capable of simple concepts):

When the magnitude of the the stimulus is disproportionate to the magnitude of the response...something else is going on.

When a relatively trivial issue generate a conflict way out of proportion to the importance of the issue...you're really fighting about something else more important.

 

It's funny how these things can niggle.
Where I work, there are eight employees and a small communal kitchen. I'm usually first in in the mornings, to a sink full of dirty cups and a mess of a kitchen. I usually start off by cleaning up the last person's mess, but the single female in our team always announces that I never do any dishes. No matter how many I do, if anyone complains about cups in the sink she'll announce they're probably mine as I never do any washing up. If I make a point of doing them, she'll shout for a camera.
It's highly annoying. Someday I'm going to drown the b7tch in dirty dishwater.

 

Shrink has a very good point, I agree

 

You are not "in the wrong" for getting angry, but the more important question is what did you do with your anger? If you snapped, yelled, or were rude to her in the midst of your anger then you probably need to apologize.

That being said you have brought up a common communication trigger in relationships, the use of the extreme in the description of behavior. Whenever people criticize with the use of a word like "always" or "never" it tends to cause defensiveness and conflict. Most therapist will tell you to simply eliminate those words from your vocabulary when you are giving your partner negative or constructive feedback.

In the big picture this one incident is probably not that big of a deal, but if this is a pattern in your relationship then you two need to sit down and talk about how "going to the extreme" with words like "always" and "never" can be upsetting. Miscommunication or lack of effective communication can destroy a relationship very quickly.

 

I turn it into a humorous ritual. I've been married for more than 30 years, to the same wonderful woman. When things like that come up, I "blame" it on U No Hu. He's invisible. He doesn't talk back. I'm not even sure if he knows English.

 

Exactly my response.

Wally almost nailed it, almost, but he didn't go deep enough.