Any tips for a long distance realtionship?

[ohaithar]

So my girlfriend since 8th grade just left for California for two years to go to Cal State San Bernardino.
So, I'm asking for all you people who are currently in a long distance relationship if you can give me some tips on how to maintain this relationship. I think we have the communication part covered. (We both have iPhone 4's, so we would FaceTime everyday.)

 

[NT1440]

Normally I'd say don't do it. That said, you've been together since 8th grade, so I really don't know what to say.

 

[Mr Kram]

my best advice is to find a new woman. i've tried several to no avail.

 

[Randman]

It won't work.

 

[ohaithar]

my best advice is to find a new woman. i've tried several to no avail.

It won't work.

Oh, you guys are making me sad.
So long distance relationships don't usually work?

 

[Teh Don Ditty]

^Beg to differ.

Met my wife on here. We about 300 miles apart when we first met.

It can be done, if you really want to do it.

 

[iJohnHenry]

It's all about trust.

You trust yourself, but do you trust her?

She trusts herself, but does she trust you?

Starting as friends in Grade School counts in your favour.

You fail to tell us how "deep" this relationship goes.

How are you with cold showers?

 

[Mr Kram]

^Beg to differ.

Met my wife on here. We about 300 miles apart when we first met.

It can be done, if you really want to do it.

congrats to you. however, you are the exception not the rule.

to the OP, there are no tips. you and your mate just have understand the deal. in most cases one person or the other will choose to part.

 

[ohaithar]

^Beg to differ.

Met my wife on here. We about 300 miles apart when we first met.

It can be done, if you really want to do it.

Oh that's cool

You trust yourself, but do you trust her?

She trusts herself, but does she trust you?

We both trust each other so much, that I can't describe it.

You fail to tell us how "deep" this relationship goes.

Our relationship is as deep as it get

How are you with cold showers?

Huh? I don't quite understand.

 

[miles01110]

congrats to you. however, you are the exception not the rule.

There is no rule that "long distance relationships never work." It depends entirely on the people involved. If either is not committed, it will not work. If both are committed, it will work.

Try to visit each other as much as you can. Plan trips you can take together in your spare time. Communicate as often as possible (preferably by snail mail ; much more fun to receive a letter than a facetime invitation).

 

[iJohnHenry]

Huh? I don't quite understand.

To kill your libido, lest you stray.

Or you could just both play iTouch over your iPhones.

 

[ohaithar]

Try to visit each other as much as you can. Plan trips you can take together in your spare time. Communicate as often as possible (preferably by snail mail ; much more fun to receive a letter than a facetime invitation).

Oh ok, thanks for the tips. I'm actually saving up right now, so I can visit her for Christmas, and she is doing the same for next summer. Snail Mail? Sounds interesting.


I can feel it (and so can she) that that we will make it through, but it's just hard (I can't explain the feelings) being separated a 1000 miles & 2 years after seeing & spending time with each other everyday for a looooonnnggg time.

Or you could just both play iTouch over your iPhones.

=)

 

[CalBoy]

^Beg to differ.

Met my wife on here. We about 300 miles apart when we first met.

It can be done, if you really want to do it.

+1

OP, I think you'd be surprised as to how many people have met here on MR and carried out long distance relationships until one or both were able to make a significant move.

In our case, it was ~120 so it was pretty easy to see each other at regular intervals.

In any event, some useful tips are:

1. Make time to talk on the phone/Skype/Facetime. Don't assume you'll do it when you have the time, because life can often get in the way and leave you with no time at all.

2. Be honest about everything, especially when you feel like you need to vent or get something off of your chest. It won't help to bottle it up.

And, in my opinion the most important tidbit of all,

3. Skype is useful for sex.

 

[EricNau]

They're really hard. Harder than I had imagined. But definitely doable.

Honesty and communication are most important, I think. Make time for each other; schedule your conversations and text/email when you have the chance. Share the details of your day with each other, and pay attention to the small details that can really make the other truly feel included in your life. And when you have the chance, text your girlfriend with a simple "Hope your day is going well" or "I love you" etc. It can really help.

And trust me, it helps to have a visit planned, no matter how distant.

 

[Mr Kram]

There is no rule that "long distance relationships never work." It depends entirely on the people involved. If either is not committed, it will not work. If both are committed, it will work.

Try to visit each other as much as you can. Plan trips you can take together in your spare time. Communicate as often as possible (preferably by snail mail ; much more fun to receive a letter than a facetime invitation).

to clarify, this is a figure of speech - the rule being the majority and the exception the minority. and i already conceded that it can work with the right people.

as for the couple of other people here that have made it through, 120 miles and 300 miles are indeed manageable. i would venture to say that 120 miles is bordering on long distance. the OP is talking IL to CA. you cannot do this drive in for a quick weekend. and assuming that these are college aged kids, flying on a regular basis is limited to budget.

i don't mean to be a downer, but i'm just offering my opinion based on my own personal experiences. i wish the OP the best of luck.

 

[wvuwhat]

In all honesty, I'd say that you could do it, but I don't know her, nor you.

However, if she's just heading to a big college (you said 2 years, so I'm assuming that you two went to the same community college or local college) it could be a problem. I changed completely when I went to college. In the end, even if you do stick together, you may not like how she comes back, she may be completely different.

But, I've also seen the opposite, with relationships becoming much stronger over a distance.

I really wish you two the best, I hope everything works out for you all.

You know her better than anyone on here and 8th grade has been a LONG time, I hope you're the father that can tell his kid that you have been dating their mother since Middle School.

Good luck brother.

 

[CalBoy]

i would venture to say that 120 miles is bordering on long distance.

I think pure distance is a flawed metric for determining which relationships are "bordering" and which ones aren't.

It has more to do with the amount of time available and the barriers to seeing one another.

I have law school classmates, for example, who have significant others as close as their apartments or ones as far as 2,500 miles away. However, not one of them would say that their relationship is the same as before they began law school, and that is due to the fact that law school (or med school) are so intense that a distance as little as 20 miles on most nights could be as big of an obstacle as a distance of 200 miles.

 

[iJohnHenry]

However, not one of them would say that their relationship is the same as before they began law school, and that is due to the fact that law school (or med school) are so intense that a distance as little as 20 miles on most nights could be as big of an obstacle as a distance of 200 miles.

An excellent point.

Demands of school will be vastly different from what you both are used to.

DO NOT assume that reduced communication means a change in your relationship.

 

[leomac08]

Since 8th grade.... And she went to college....

That's like 5-7 years together....sweet....

But even though college may be filled with lots of interesting men...

If you guys been together for 5-7yrs this might work....

 

[ohaithar]

I really wish you two the best, I hope everything works out for you all.

You know her better than anyone on here and 8th grade has been a LONG time, I hope you're the father that can tell his kid that you have been dating their mother since Middle School.

Good luck brother.

Thanks, I hope that I will say that to my future kids.

But even though college may be filled with lots of interesting men...

Since we started going out, she turned down 5 guys.

 

[Mr Kram]

I think pure distance is a flawed metric for determining which relationships are "bordering" and which ones aren't.

It has more to do with the amount of time available and the barriers to seeing one another.

I have law school classmates, for example, who have significant others as close as their apartments or ones as far as 2,500 miles away. However, not one of them would say that their relationship is the same as before they began law school, and that is due to the fact that law school (or med school) are so intense that a distance as little as 20 miles on most nights could be as big of an obstacle as a distance of 200 miles.

An excellent point.

Demands of school will be vastly different from what you both are used to.

DO NOT assume that reduced communication means a change in your relationship.

think what you want, being closer gives you the option of seeing each other at your will. the same could be said for each others time schedule, but still, if you only had an hour, you could see someone next door for at least that amount of time.

 

[Mr Kram]

An excellent point.

Demands of school will be vastly different from what you both are used to.

DO NOT assume that reduced communication means a change in your relationship.

you're right.

ironically, sometimes a lack of communication is better. you really don't want to know everything she is doing.

 

[ziggyiggy]

My 2 cents

Hey OP,
Been doing this for the past year and a half, about 2000 miles apart. The one big thing I can recommend is plan trips. Even if its months away, having a date to look forward to is the light at the end of the tunnel. Talk to your partner and let them know whats going on in your life, the good and the bad, don't hold anything back unless you want her to start doubting you. If that happens, its a rocky road.

Anyways, good luck

 

[leekohler]

You're young. My bet is that the relationship does not survive, as you will grow and change. If it does, good for you. But at the very least, keep this person as a friend. And be mature enough to realize that may be the best option.

 

[Mr Kram]

You're young. My bet is that the relationship does not survive, as you will grow and change. If it does, good for you. But at the very least, keep this person as a friend. And be mature enough to realize that may be the best option.

QFT. I have kept in touch with some exes that have become good friends.