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Any tips for a long distance realtionship?

I wouldn't read much into what anyone here is saying. The only thing you can do is try. Trying is the best way to see if you succeed or not. You two know each other better than any of us could hope to and therefore do what you two decide will be the best option at staying together.

We can't predict what the outcome will be. Don't be so early to dismiss it working but also don't be surprised if it doesn't. Keep an open mind and heart and go get 'em tiger.

Or something to that effect.
 
I'm in the exact same situation as you, except my gf is 10 hours flight. It takes me around an entire day, or around 16 hours, to get from my place to hers. Plus I've been doing it for several years now.

The situation hasn't gotten any easier for either of us, but in a way, it hasn't gotten any more difficult. What makes a difference is our lives. We're both busy. She tells me that when she's at work, she doesn't really think of anything but her job. Fair enough, because I'm the same. ;) It's 7:30 pm and I'm heading home from work. It's when I get home where I think about her.

Oh, and we talk every night on Skype for around 30-60 minutes.


Also, we always know when we'll see each other next. I'll probably see her in 5 months.

We also know approximately when the situation will change and we'll be together, and that's in around 2 years. To be honest, we could be together today if we really needed to, but before we do, she wants to hit a career goal first, and she can only do that at home. After that, she'll be 'ready' to move in with me (I make more money than her and her job is more 'portable'). I also want to work and earn my certification, which takes a number of years.

I also could have moved to her country to work, but I would have been paid far less money doing a job I don't want to do at all, for longer hours per day, and I would still live 3 hours away from her. Neither of us would get a lot of vacation time in her country (I currently get 4 weeks), so we would have still been talking over Skype! We both made a choice that's better for us long-term, and that means being apart for now. ;)

We plan on getting married, but life is expensive, so this is a perfect opportunity for us to save money for a house, etc.

And everything EricNau said was right regarding LD relationships, IMO. :)
 
renewed said:
I wouldn't read much into what anyone here is saying. The only thing you can do is try....We can't predict what the outcome will be. Don't be so early to dismiss it working but also don't be surprised if it doesn't. Keep an open mind and heart and go get 'em tiger.

Or something to that effect.
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I agree with renewed. I had a ldr for 3 years. It fell apart because I felt that skype and e-mails cannot substitute face to face communication. My brother ditto, but there were some extra issues of incompatibility. Which he would indentify earlier for sure if in a "close quarter" relationship.

I can speak only from my own experience. If someone is in a ldr, the odds are against him. On the other hand, if you both make it, then you have a really strong relationship. I wish you good luck!
 
ohaithar said:
So my girlfriend since 8th grade just left for California for two years to go to Cal State San Bernardino.
So, I'm asking for all you people who are currently in a long distance relationship if you can give me some tips on how to maintain this relationship. I think we have the communication part covered. (We both have iPhone 4's, so we would FaceTime everyday.)
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A LDR can work. It's up to the individuals involved, their particular situation and their life goals.

LDRs are not easy. Nor fun at times. Snail mail, Skype, etc. are no substitute for being there.

Honesty is key and the foundation for the relationship.

The biggest challenge is your age. During your HS years to late 20's you will both grow and develop as individuals. This happens to everyone. Unfortunately, individuals who are together grow together so instead drift apart. Then again, knowing each other since the 8th grade can be a blessing.

Bottom line, is no one knows for sure.

Good luck to you both. :)

Edit: Actual letters can do wonders. Many years ago I sent a letter per day for a month for a Christmas present. It may not sound like much, but try writing an individual and unique letter everyday for 31 days. It's harder than you would imagine. And greatly appreciated on the other end. :)
 
I'm guessing you're both 18, 19 years old? I've seen people make it (it's not easy!) but I'm just going to say: be prepared for the following:

Weeks 1-3: Oh things are great! You talk, and send emails, text messages, talk on the phone, skype. Perhaps make plans to see each other. Talk about how much you love each other, how this is wonderful, how things are going to work out blah blah blah...

Weeks 4-5: You make friends. She makes friends. You both start getting into different activities. Your schedules stop being in sync. Seeing as you're both in different time zones, this compounds the issue even more...

Weeks 6-7: Your phone calls get shorter and shorter. Since you don't have the same friends or hobbies anymore, you don't have anything of interest to say ("My story wasn't funny? I guess you had to be there..." ) You end up just saying stuff like, "Oh I love you!" , "Oh you're so pretty!" for hours on end just to fill in the time.

Week 8: You notice a guy on her facebook pictures. It could be innocent. They're not KISSING or anything. But he's always in the background. Or next to her.... Hmmm? You ask her about the pictures. She'll tell you "Oh he's just a friend!"

Week 9: You call each other like maybe once every other day for like a half hour. It's mostly silence. She'll say, "Oh my roommate's here, we're going to go to study hall."

Week 10: One out of 2 possibilities: 1) She calls you and tells you that you that she needs a little space. She still loves you, but can't force herself to keep in contact with you 2) She calls you balling her eyes out. She got drunk at some party and made out with that guy in the facebook photos and needs time to think about your relationship and what she wants in general.

Of course, during weeks 8 to 10, YOU could find a nice girl who's smart and pretty and funny. You like her a lot, she's not far away, you two talk on ends about everything and nothing (a change from the monotonous conversations with your girlfriend). So you start having moral dilemmas. "Do I like this girl? What about my girlfriend? Is what I have with my girlfriend true love?" You slowly come to realize that maybe you want to see what other girls are like.... One night you're walking her back to her dorm/apartment after getting coffee. It's a mutual thing, nothing romantic. However, at her doorstep, you both stop to say good bye and she looks at you with that look and that smile. Your heart is racing like crazy. You want to kiss her. She wants you to kiss you. She moves just an inch closer to you and without thinking you seize on it and make out with her.

But that's just MY opinion/experience!
 
It can work, but there is a 90% fail chance. I lost the woman I loved like this when staying 2 years abroad.

Make sure this experience is well delimited in the time. If you are sure to be together again after 2 years, then it's easier to cope with. Keep making projects together and visit her at least one or twice a month.
 
Long Distance is hard. The worst, for me is the time difference. I'm 5 hours ahead and a 6 hour transatlantic flight away.

Skype/email/chat is ok, but seriously not a good substitution. We have been in a relationship since july 08, the first several months we hadn't met in person and then she flew over to meet me on Valentine's Day '09. A couple of trips both ways and hundreds of hours on Skype later, I proposed to her. It took me a year to clear my debt. I moved home to pay it as quickly as possible. That in itself caused strain. My fiancée filed the visa papers for me in July of this year, now that my debt is gone and I am saving money and whilst we are waiting for this to be processed, it seems like weeks pass by so slowly.

We try to visit each other every 3 months, but now we are saving some money into a joint account in the US and I'm saving money here too for the move.

There's not a big trick to surviving this stage, you just have to try your best and if you're meant to be, it will work out.
 
If you (plural) want to make it work, you'll both find a way.

If it doesn't work, it will most likely be because you drifted apart, and likely neither of you will be sad for it.

In other words, I would recommend you move forward, keep an open mind, and see what happens. One never knows what may happen.
 
Mavimao said:
I'm guessing you're both 18, 19 years old? I've seen people make it (it's not easy!) but I'm just going to say: be prepared for the following:<Snip>
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Been there done that, got the T-Shirt. :(

LDRs are difficult to maintain. Both individuals must want it to succeed, and be willing to work towards the relationship succeeding.
 
Thanks for all the tips and comments you guys. Both of us are committed to make this ldr work. She can feel it, and I can feel it that we will get through with this together.
 
Had a long distance relationship for two years*, then married, probably long before the majority of the members here were born. Still together. She's the best!

*We didn't have e-mail, facebook, cell phones, etc. We wrote letters and mailed them! (I think you can still do that.)
 
AhmedFaisal said:
"LDRs don't work"
"You're both too young, he is only 17, he'll find some local girl to ******."
"You're delusional"
"You're wasting your time"
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That's honestly all I hear about my LDR...and I'm even 17! :p

Me and my guy met when we were in 9th Grade (kinda like the OP's situation), and several months after meeting, we were separated by 2000km. A simple search on Facebook brought us back together (literally), and we haven't stopped 'talking' since. The distance brought us a lot closer than we could of imagined. We now talk at least once a day and Skype once a week. We've had our rough patches too, where we felt like it was time to move on, but there's always been something that has kept the both of us together, and I couldn't be happier. One more year and he's back! :)

I hate how people jump to the conclusion that LDR's don't work. It's like any other normal relationship - both need trust, honesty and commitment, but LDR's need that little bit more. Ahmed, I find your story very motivating, congratulations.
 
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