Any tips for Fatherhood?

[Chundles]

Rule 1. Make sure it's yours.....

You won't bond with bub straight away. Mothers do it almost as soon as the baby is out in their arms. For you, as Dad, it will most likely happen a few weeks down the road at 3am when you feel like a zombie and little one suddenly reaches up, opens her eyes, makes a face that looks like a smile (too early for a real smile) your eyes get a little teary as you see little bub as a real person for the first time just as she shoves her hand up your nose.
Just a little story from a mate of mine who's a dad.

I wouldn't participate in the actual birth - but then, the sight of a little blood makes me woozy and no "nature's true miracle" talk is going to keep me on my feet in a delivery room.

Be firm with the routine from as early as possible - it helps the baby relax and learn to sleep, eat etc. quickly - a good thing for ma and pa.

Lots of talking to the baby, anything - goo goo talk, discussing news stories, just make sure the baby knows your voice.

Read to bubba from as early as possible. I could read at 2 and a half, as could my sisters and it made an amazing difference for all of us at school when some kids were still struggling with words and I had read all the prescribed books (we had a bunch of books in one part of the classroom and were supposed to get them signed off as we read them) within my first week of Kindy.

Don't be afraid to keep up some of your interests - you will need to sacrifice a good deal of them but keep your favourites going, you'll need them to keep you sane. Ensure Mum does the same, make sure you each have some time alone or with friends, you may have to give her the lion's share but suck it up and deal with it.

She's going to yell at you for no good reason. Deal with it.

Learn to get to sleep quickly.

Babies are amazingly tough, they're bones etc are soft but they just seem to be able to handle a lot more than we'd ever think so don't coddle him/her too much, don't freak out with baby monitors in every room and checking every two minutes as to whether the little monster has moved an inch or two.

Don't over dress the baby, keep the bub warm but make sure it's not going to melt under a sea of blankets and baby clothes and a million stuffed toys.

Find a hard, easy to clean part of the floor. This is where you will feed the little one once it starts on solid foods. You do not want to feed it anywhere over carpet or within spitting distance of soft furnishings.

 

[Thomas Veil]

Lots of talking to the baby, anything - goo goo talk, discussing news stories, just make sure the baby knows your voice....

Don't over dress the baby, keep the bub warm but make sure it's not going to melt under a sea of blankets and baby clothes and a million stuffed toys.

Good advice. You do need to bond to the baby -- more for her sake even than yours. She needs to know your touch, your voice, your face. It makes a big difference in everything that comes after.

And I agree, don't overdress the baby. We have a new granddaughter whom we watch for mommy and daddy while they're at work, and one of the things we have the hardest time trying to convince other relatives of is that the baby does not have to, or want to, be piled up with four layers of clothing, two blankets and a hat, inside the house. The doctor's advice was, "If you're warm enough, the baby is warm enough," but a lot of people seem to have trouble accepting that.

In point of fact, my granddaughter is seven months old now, and even though we keep the house a bit cool (because of gas bills), she actually seems to enjoy it when we take off her clothes to dress her or change her diaper. Babies love to be naked.

The other thing you will have fun with is that babies learn something new almost every week. You'll be delighted just to notice things like how her eyes follow you around the room more, or how she's learning to hold her head up. Sounds a bit silly, but you'll be so proud of her when you see her doing little things like that.

 

[echeck]

First off, Congratulations!

My two and a half month old son is sitting in my arms right now. It's incredible, nothing words can describe. There has been some great advice already here, such as making sure you help out around the house. This is VERY important, otherwise your wife will feel very overwhelmed (well, she will anyway and you will probably too). The next bit of advice I can give (or reiterate) is that once you can, make sure and take some time off for yourselves. Drop the little lady off at the parents house for an hour or so while you and your wife go out to dinner or catch a movie. Doesn't really matter what you do, just make sure and do something. A new baby is an absolute wonderful thing, but it can also put a LOT of stress on your relationship with your wife.

Definitely say goodbye to sleep, hopefully you can function on only a few hours' sleep a night. If not, you will soon learn to. Remember to be patient. Make sure to take your turns with your daughter so that your wife can have some time to herself, even if it's just sitting next to you on the couch, just so that she knows she can relax for a second.

The first few months are pretty tough, but it only gets better. Sometimes I feel like I'm at my wits end because my son has kept me up all night and is cranky and grumpy...but every time I look down at my son and see him smile up at me, my heart melts.

Parenthood is an amzing thing, nothing will ever be the same. Yes, your hobbies will change for a while and you'll feel like you don't have any time or money to do anything, but it gets better. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

But, as you can see, I still find time to be on my Mac and to surf MacRumors, even when he's in my lap. Gotta make sure the little guy knows that Mac's are the best computers ever. Thankfully my wife is an Apple fan as well, so his first computer will definitely be a Mac, and as soon as he's old enough to move a mouse I'm buying him one!

You're going to have a blast being a father, it's an awesome feeling.

Cheers!

 

[Eevee]

Congrats kerpow!

The soon to be father! After "Eevee," short for Evelyn, was born three years ago, my life hasn't been the same. But one very important advice my best friend gave me was "You are a husband first, then a father." You and your wife must work as a team, not individuals.

Although Eevee takes a lot of time, my wife and I try to make times for ourselves to strengthen our relation ship.

Get a digital video camera and then you can use your mac and do things with your kid - and your wife will love it -

D

That was great Mr. Anderson!! My favourite was " Diaperzilla VS. King Kong."

 

[balamw]

Our two boys are almost 5 and 2.5 years old. Parenthood is the most demanding and rewarding adventure of my life.

The hardest part of those 5 years was definitely the first two weeks of parenthood, which is probably why they let dads take that time off. [Actually the hardest part was the 6 days my younger son spent in the NICU after he was born, once he stabilized after day 2 I actually returned to work as a zombie to keep my two weeks for when I was really needed at home].

That time is particularly hard on dads, cause everything (and I mean everything) is new, and nothing really involves or requires the dad. No matter how involved you try to be, you really are a fifth wheel. The mom and baby form a special bond very quickly, particularly if your wife intends to breastfeed. No matter how many dirty diapers you change, holding/rocking/walking/whatever-it-takes late night colicky sessions, etc. can compete with that bond. Yet you have to keep at it to form your own special bond with your kids.

As others have implied, it gets much better after 1 month, when they start to recognize and respond to their environment, and then again at around 3 months when they start to be a bit less immobile, but definitely by 6 months dads can take on a key role in their children's lives as "the playtime guy" look forward to that and enjoy it.

I will echo what the others have said. Make time for yourself. Help make time for your wife, and make time for yourselves as a couple. It's very easy to get wrapped up in things and not make the time to preserve what little sanity you'll have left in your little sleep-deprived minds, but do it for the kids' sake. This doesn't mean you need to spend lots of time away from the family, but even 15 minutes doing something for you can be quite rewarding.

My "recreational" activity for the first few months was taking lots of pictures and putting them up with semi witty commentary on an MSN group we had set up to keep the remote family and friends up to date with the goings on. I managed to keep this up for about 2 years and #2 hasn't had anywhere near the same number of pictures or updates to the family as #1 did.

That said, I don't think you will have much time to hang out all night with the boys, unless you want a quick divorce. Keep your "personal time" brief and where you can be quickly accessible if needed.

One last thing to remember. Every kid is different. No matter what other parents, including your parents and your wife's, tell you, it may not apply to your child. Your child is unique. Some are easy, some are hard. (those are relative terms). Some have colic, some don't. Some sleep through the night early on, most don't. ....

B

 

[3rdpath]

yes, your life is goinjg to change in major ways...but you're a dad now ( or soon enough!)...so how could it stay the same?

you'll laugh that you ever thought you were busy or tired before you had a child...but it's the best busy and tired you'll ever experience....we'll with a few exceptions...

i was my wife's coach during the natural birth of both of our daughters and it was an amazing experience. i bonded with our girls immediately and it's just gotten better from the first day. yes, it's grueling...you'll see more sunrises than you ever thought possible. enjoy those days because they do go by quickly. you'll also never feel as helpless as when your baby gets sick for the first time-they don't come with owner's manuals. just remember everyone feels this way.

i'm a hands-on dad, i change diapers, do feedings, give baths, play at the park...whatever it takes. from birth your kids are unique little people...you gotta get to know them( and they need to get to know you).

i highly recommend teaching them sign language...their brains are about 6 months ahead of their physical abilities and you'd be amazed at what they can "say" with their hands before they can speak.

anyway, enjoy the ride. get what sleep you can, worship that baby as the miracle she is and don't forget to praise your wife daily for all the work she's done to bring the baby into this world.

 

[jsw]

i highly recommend teaching them sign language...

Very interesting suggestion... do you have any ideas as to which books or other things (online sites, videos, what have you) I could find to help with that?

 

[3rdpath]

we referenced a book called "baby signs" and a video named "sign with me". the kids really started to use the signs at around 8 months.

it's really simple stuff, mainly signs for "more", "all done" "milk" "water" and such. it really made a difference with the kids..Just imagine how frustrated they must get when they can think something yet can't convey it. It certainly eliminated a lot of the feeding difficulties...our kids would just sign "all done" instead of throwing their dishes off the high chair. well, usually.

our kids even started putting 2 word sentences together which was kind of surprising...but that just goes to show how much their brains are developing.

 

[Mord]

talk and interact with your kid as much as possible, a worrying number of parents shove food in one end and take the poop away from the other, your kid is what you make it the more you talk to it the faster she'll learn.

 

[shirley]

any tips for fatherhood

as a mum and grandmum

I would say cuddle your wife and child every day
in that order as you loved the mummy first then the baby hope the birth goes well and quickly

 

[floriflee]

we referenced a book called "baby signs" and a video named "sign with me". the kids really started to use the signs at around 8 months.

it's really simple stuff, mainly signs for "more", "all done" "milk" "water" and such. it really made a difference with the kids..Just imagine how frustrated they must get when they can think something yet can't convey it. It certainly eliminated a lot of the feeding difficulties...our kids would just sign "all done" instead of throwing their dishes off the high chair. well, usually.

our kids even started putting 2 word sentences together which was kind of surprising...but that just goes to show how much their brains are developing.

My sister did that with her first child. It's a very easy way for them to communicate before they can actually speak well. It's supposed to help their brains develop better communication skills. Sounds pretty interesting to me.

And for the love of all that is holy keep the child away from Barney!!

 

[frankblundt]

And for the love of all that is holy keep the child away from Barney!!

Amen to that. Teletubbies are weird, but that thing is just plain evil.

 

[floriflee]

I've heard that TV in general during the first year or two of the child's life is not good for his or her mental development. If I remember correctly, I read that children are more likely to develop ADD if they are exposed to a lot of TV at early ages. It's been a while since the days of my college class on child development....

Let the child be creative and don't be afraid to let her play with things around the house (assuming they are safe and somewhat indestructable). Let her explore her world and figure things out.

You will do great! Congratulations!

 

[Kingsly]

Later, when she is older, MAKE SURE you talk to her and accept her ideas (however ridiculous or irrational). I know wayy to many parents who:
A) don't talk to their children (like long, drawn out conversations) thus making the kids not want to talk to you (you'll regret this when they are teenagers)
B) when the kids come to the parents with an idea/suggestion/ etc. the parents treat them like they are little kids (which they are) and therefore their ideas/suggestions are not valid. The kids learn not to speak up and be leaders. If your daughter comes to you with a suggestion (ie. "lets move the sofa over here" ) then move the sofa, or at least explain why it is not a good idea to move the sofa. NEVER, EVER say "because." I cant stress this enough. If she asks a question, explain it. It will annoy the heck out of you but will be worth it when she is older. Oh yeah, congratulations.

edit*

Let the child be creative and don't be afraid to let her play with things around the house (assuming they are safe and somewhat indestructable). Let her explore her world and figure things out.

I second that. Very good advise.

 

[balamw]

I'll third the sign language thing. It becomes second nature after a while to start signing simple common words like more, all done, milk, juice, water, eat and is particularly useful with boys who generally tend to start speaking later than girls. It took us a while to realize that our ~10 month old son wasn't just idly waving his hands, but was effectively signing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" with his hands (as he had learned in daycare), confirmed by a big smile when we finally joined in.

A) don't talk to their children (like long, drawn out conversations) thus making the kids not want to talk to you (you'll regret this when they are teenagers)

Defnintely true. Can't be emphasized enough. Talk to your kids, read to them, ask them questions, etc... Worth all the effort. Even my ~5 year old already gives us the "Nothing" answer to the usual dinner conversation "So what did you do in daycare today?" but ultimately he tells us what really went down.

In fact, I often feel like Shrek talking to Donkey. "You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity". Some peace and quiet would be nice.

B

 

[Arnaud]

Wow. Funny to see so many parents in the forums ! I mean, the details about computer configuration and other gizmos should also include kiddos, like:

Arnaud - iMac G5 1.8 GHz 20" 2Gb/800Gb, iPod Photo 60Gb, Sony F-828, 5-week old son

As a proud new father (i.e., 5 weeks indeed), I'm grateful to read these lines

we referenced a book called "baby signs" and a video named "sign with me". the kids really started to use the signs at around 8 months. (...)

Wow (again). I thought that was a joke from Meet the Fockers. We should definitely have a look at it !

Being right-in-the-middle-of-the-first-two-months, my 2 bits of advice:

- accept the presence of the little one, your own obligations, and the consequence that time doesn't belong to you anymore ... for the moment; part of it will come back later, hopefully, albeit not entirely; if you try to fight against it, well... Things will only be harder !

- be very helpful to your wife, who has to suffer more than you during the pregnancy, during the delivery and also after; however much you are ready to help, if she breast-feeds every 2 hours at the beginning, she'll be very tired; try to share the (baby)-chores, and it's about time to learn how the washing machine works !

- be careful about other people's comments, and also the hopes of the pink cloud: the perception of a new child by the parents can be different for every other couple, and if the delivery has been a little hard, it might be that the connection between the mother and the child doesn't develop easily. We can talk about post-partum depression, or just rare peaks of sadness and/or panic. The rule is simple: some women are overjoyed straight away, some others are not, both reactions are normal - don't let your wife think she failed somehow, she will never. (As you might guess, I'm talking of currently-developping experience, here);

- mind your rest: nights are wavy, so go to bed early ! You'll be (both) much more able to cope with the stress if you are as rested as possible; lights off at 10pm is not a bad idea at the beginning...

Regarding friends and fun activities: well, less activites at the beginning, but some of it will come back If both parents agree, you can call in the grand-parents for a short evening out with your friends, almost like before, not long after the birth...

Regarding Apple & co: iLife is supposedly a good solution, so many things to share with the family and friends, so little time to work on it ! (Well, iWeb could work better...)

Good luck for it all, anyway Even though our son doesn't really react yet, it's such a cuddly little thing to hold

 

[balamw]

go to bed early ! You'll be (both) much more able to cope with the stress if you are as rested as possible; lights off at 10pm is not a bad idea at the beginning...

Definitely rest is key, and it all depends on your particular kids' schedule. Many children go though a (hopefully brief) phase where they are up all night and sleep better during the day. In that case it can be beneficial to take shifts and try to split the night with your partner rather then everyone trying to rest at the same time.

B

 

[nbs2]

wow - at the risk of scaring the wife (another reason for couples not to both do the MR-thing), i almost want to go home and have a kid now - even better would be if she was 9 months along now...

as a bit of advice to the many happy parents (or soon to be - congrats, by the way), do anybody know of where to get a child-friendly keyboard (spillproof, smaller sized, with non-removable-keys, etc)? I was hoping to find something and link to it, but nothing really came up.

 

[floriflee]

wow - at the risk of scaring the wife (another reason for couples not to both do the MR-thing), i almost want to go home and have a kid now - even better would be if she was 9 months along now...

...

 

[balamw]

do anybody know of where to get a child-friendly keyboard (spillproof, smaller sized, with non-removable-keys, etc)?

Just a side comment to your side comment.

Smaller size isn't always better for kids. My kids are much happier with a "regular" full size PC keyboard compared to the one they used to use on an old Toshiba laptop. I suspect if I could find one that was ~20% bigger they'd even pefer that. They also prefer a larger mouse than the old notebook travel mouse I initially gave them. I've heard that the old Apple "hockey puck" mice work quite well.

B

 

[floriflee]

Just a side comment to your side comment.

Smaller size isn't always better for kids. My kids are much happier with a "regular" full size PC keyboard compared to the one they used to use on an old Toshiba laptop. I suspect if I could find one that was ~20% bigger they'd even pefer that. They also prefer a larger mouse than the old notebook travel mouse I initially gave them. I've heard that the old Apple "hockey puck" mice work quite well.

B

Would this have anything to do with their coordination or anything like that? It seems like a lot of kid stuff tends to be bigger (bigger toy and game pieces, bigger letters when learning to write, etc, etc).

 

[balamw]

Would this have anything to do with their coordination or anything like that? It seems like a lot of kid stuff tends to be bigger (bigger toy and game pieces, bigger letters when learning to write, etc, etc).

I guess so. I think another factor with keyboards is the visual discrimination of >100 symbols in a smallish space leads to a case of information overload. They can't find the key they're looking for and get frustrated.

At daycare they have computers equipped with full size PC keyboards that are brightly colored and distinguish the letters, numbers, function keys, etc... with different colors which is quite handy for them.

Another thing I know for sure is that my 2 year old just loves to grab the mouse sideways with his index finger on the right button, which drives him nuts since nothing works the way he expects. (They play on an older PC at home). His brother or I have to come to his rescue before he quits trying.

B

 

[CoMpX]

Just don't be a crazy, a****** father with a short temper who threatens to smash your kid's Macs all the time. You will be fine.

 

[kerpow]

Wow, I am impressed with the amount of responses. I can't answer everyone but have definitely taken note of what everyone has said. Infact, I even showed my wife the thread and she was so impressed that I had asked people on a computer forum about fatherhood!!! She liked alot of the comments as well.

Thanks for all the advise. I'll keep you all posted with developments and obviously sig the link to my new website once we've got some pictures (RapidWeaver rocks!!)