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anyone down to talk about long distance relationships?

I've been in an long distance relationship since October with the most amazing girl in the world. She's in WV and I'm in UT. (There's no software engineering work out by her that I know of. I'm better off here for now and buying the occasional $500 plane ticket!) Anyway, I've not seen her since Nov. Even though she's 22, she's still very much daddy's little girl and nobody is good enough for her. Of course, I go to church, have never had a drink, tried any drugs, or ever smoked. I'm successful and educated and frankly I think there are worse guys for her! We talk about 3 hours a day on the phone and have been the best of friends since last Summer.

Coupled with the fact that she's a good Christian girl, so all I get are little kisses! :eek: Now that's what I call love.

Of course, someone who's actually FUN to talk to as well as being a 5'4 110 pound blonde.... :D now that's love!

Yeah it's tough, and it sucks... but like me and the fellow with the 28 hour flight there are worse situations to be in!

But you're 19 and in love. I was there once, too. What'll happen is she'll decide she needs to "live" and you'll be forgotten anyway. That's what it means when the "love" card changes things. Unless you played it on the 2nd day of the relationship, that is. :p

I've been hurt more times than I can remember, and I've finally found the girl worth waiting for. Looking back, I was just wasting my time with the other ones.

The best advice I can give is this: things that are meant to be will be. I know the thought of losing someone is hard, but just think how great it will be when you find the perfect person! Love is a game we rarely win. How many relationships will you have in life? Compare that to how many times you'll get married.
 
bgd said:
How about 12,000 miles? I'm in the UK and my wife and girls are in NZ. We get together about every 8 weeks either here, NZ or somewhere in between. Makes for an interesting relationship and my daughters get a lot of international travel. Not for everyone but works for us at the moment. We had been married for quite sometime before we tried this!
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Someday you'll look back and realized this saved your marriage! ;) :D
 
jamesi said:
i considered myself a hopeless romantic but i still find im realistic about this. im not going to date her forever, i want to date around a fair bit before settling down. that just seems logical to me, i love and her all that jazz but i didnt do much dating in highschool and i need more experience. shes amazing but i just get the feeling that there will never be a real substantial reason to break up, i think i could end up with her. but these thoughts at 19...i always feel like u gotta be older for those sorta "epiphanies"?

we both are planning on being in school for a while (medschool for her, business/grad school)so that is a loong time to date.

lol, sometimes i have idea how to fully articulate my thoughts on this
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if I have this straight you are just dating with no intention of going past that? If that is the case then do not waste her or your time in a long distance relationship. I see no point to just date for dating. You date to find the person you want to marry and live with for the rest of your life.

Also do not get hung on that entire experience thing it really does not matter to much. I have a few friends I used to know who first BF/GF where each other and end up getting married. Last time I check they where going very strong. If you find the right person who cares if you have dated others.

Also remember that you 2 will fight at times and things will get rough for a while at times.
 
My wife and I met when I lived in Baltimore her in SLC. Was that way for the first 8 months of our relationship. The rest of the time, before we got married, we were between 1 and 3 hours apart (depending on traffic).

I think most folks would agree that we're doing ok.;)
 
jamesi said:
yea, that fact kinda bothers me
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Don't let it. There's only one person I was ever able to see myself with forever (I'm still friendly with her and I still can) but I'm dating someone else now, and she's a great girl bla bla bla fill in the blank, but she's not one of those one-in-a-million girls who I could see myself being able to live with. So don't worry, maybe it'll change.. maybe it won't, you've got a long life ahead of you though.
 
bartelby said:
You seem to have made up your mind already about how this relationship is going to go...
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My thoughts exactly. :)

My initial thoughts are that you are both still very young, and I'd venture to say that you are both going to change a fair amount during the next few years as you are molded by your college experiences (I know I certainly grew a fair bit after leaving home). I've had two experiences with long distance relationships. The first one went for a few years and ended after my first year of college--I moved away while I was in high school. I attribute the failure of that relationship to the fact that we were both very young and as we spent time apart we became very different people. It hurt when it ended, but I don't regret the fact that it did by any means. The one thing I do kind of regret is that I was caught up enough in the long distance thing that I didn't take more opportunities to meet other people during that time.

The second one happened a few years after I finished school and started working. I'd say that one was a success since we ended up getting married. :) Part of the reason I think that one worked was because we were both mature and ready enough to make it work.

All in all, I think the long distance thing can work as long as both of you are committed to it and want it to work. If you still feel like you need time to grow and experience life then perhaps now is not the right time to strap yourself into one.
 
jamesi said:
Hey, as the title might hint, I am in a long distance relationship. my first thought about opening up a thread on my love life seemed somewhat pathetic, but id be interested to see what ppl thought. she goes to berkeley, i go to uc davis. we are both 19, its been about 8 months and everything is going really well. but once i dropped the "love" card, things obviously changed and now im wondering what to do b/c i dont know if i can do this next year. its just so hard and i figure we are so young, id love to see someone who went to the same school.

anyways, i was wondering what other ppl thought of the whole long distance gig. its not so much that im ppl to advise me of my particular situation, i was just wondering what thoughts were floating on everyones minds
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Depending on the distance and the person, my preference on what to do changes.

Lee and I are a plane ride away so we can only see each other twice, maybe 3 times a year. While I love him, and care for him deeply, I'm dating other men in NYC. It'd be unfair to both of us to be exclusive, especially given my age.

I'd recommend that you and her date around, but maintain contact. You can be more than friends with her, and still date around. If she finds someone that she feels is better for her than you, then be happy for her. And vice versa. After college, or when the time is right, you can move to the same location, and be exclusive with each other if you both still feel the same.

e
 
If you arn't planning to stick with her for the res of your life then you should ask yourself..
Am I having enough fun with her on the weekends or when I see her thats it worth the financial sacrifice and time?
If not then move on, theres better things you could be doing at 19.
 
sounds like ppl here dealt with harder distances. i dont have a car nor the money to be able to see her every weekend, 1-2 a month still seems to me like long distance even tho its nothing in comparison to some of u folks.

someone asked what i meant by more experience....like id like to have more than one serious relationship
 
yeah, I'd say that's just about necessary. Just let her know that you want to date other people, and you want her to date other people as well. Tell her that it's not that you don't like her, or that you don't think you could have a future with her, it's just that it would be unfair to keep either of you from experiencing things while young. Maybe in the future something more will be possible, but in the mean time y'all might as well date other people, and still see and talk to each other, just not exclusively.

e
 
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