Anyone else doing eldercare ?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by glocke12, Apr 22, 2008.

  1. glocke12 macrumors 6502a


    Jan 7, 2008
    Im currently involved in a situation where I am doing live in elder care (widowed mother). To say it is diffucult is an understatement. Anyone else in a similar situation ?
  2. me_94501 macrumors 65816


    Jan 6, 2003
    I totally feel for you. :(

    My mom and I have to care for my grandmother. It's not a live-in situation yet (though we have stayed with her for a few weeks after she had an operation on her knee back in 2006), but we spend many hours with her. My grandmother gets confused and simply can't fend for herself anymore. She can't cook or drive, and we have to administer here medication. She gets confused. She gets angry and moody. Her memory's intact for the most part, though. Things have gotten noticeably worse recently, and who knows what'll happen next. It's incredibly frustrating and upsetting, even if it's not a live-in situation.
  3. iJohnHenry macrumors P6


    Mar 22, 2008
    On tenterhooks
    I have held back 'till now, because I have never had to do this task for a family member. And a task it is.

    But, in talking to others that have, and in very difficult situations, take care to have time for yourself.

    Get someone to provide respite, while you go out and try to enjoy yourself for a time.

    You will be of little value to your loved one if you become close to a basket case yourself.
  4. Legolamb macrumors 6502a


    Nov 27, 2006
    North of where I'd like to be
    Just noticed this and had to respond.

    I was responsible for the welfare of my increasingly ill (Alzheimer's) widowed mother. The earliest stage was, unfortunately, a combination of lack of judgement and belligerence, She refused to move closer to me or to give up her home, or to have any live-in assistance, even though she was having difficulty remembering to pay bills, etc. My visits to her were almost on a monthly basis (flying 500 miles each time). During the 5 years before she passed away, she had increasingly intensive at-home care givers come in and eventually live with her 24/7. Two years before she died, I manipulated her into a really fine nursing home. Those were the most peaceful years, her most social, her most conversational. It was as if being with her peers woke her up, and being relieved of remembering paying bills, etc. allowed her focus on creative and positive emotional pursuits like painting, which she always loved. I had some intuition that this would help, based on my research experience in cognitive processes.

    (No, I don't have the studies - I trashed them from the computer the day she died).

    There is a physical, emotional, and deeply psychological impact of seeing the person who you respected/feared/idolized/loved most of your life revert to helplessness. Not to mention the fear that you are staring at your future self. Three years later, I'm still wading through papers, mementos, and artifacts of her life. There isn't a day that I don't think of her.

    I hope you have a network of people you can talk to, and take frequent breaks and moments in frivolous downtime or selfish passions. You should seek social work help, legal advice (do you have power of attorney?) as well, and familiarize yourself with her finances and health insurance, etc. before things deteriorate. Take care of yourself.

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