well i realised that i didn't specify the ir receiver but i amended that in the second post. It's branded as a windows media centre remote control, digitech xc-4889. However it doesn't say if it is the ehome 2005 receiver.
I can't pair the apple remote with the ir receiver either under mira's inbuilt pair setting or by pressing the menu/next keys. However in remote buddy if i use the controller that came with it, volume and up/down works but every other button doesn't do anything. So that ir receiver isn't faulty which just leaves the apple remote pairing issue.