Adapted from the classic bit in Yes Prime Minister:
"Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:
- The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
- The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
- The Times is read by people who actually do run the country;
- The Daily Mail is read by the hypocondriac wives of the people who run the country;
- The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
- The Independent is read by people who don't care about the country, they just want to save the dolphins;
- The Express is read by people who think Princess Di was killed by the people who run the country;
- The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
- And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is."
"What about the people who read the Sun?"
"Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits."