Approaching a girl (stranger) at Starbucks?

[coolwater]

What's with all these 'love' business here? Well, I will add one for myself.

First, 'Starbucks' represents a random place where you don't usually talk to strangers as opposed to when you're at a bar or at a party.

I went to Panera Bread yesterday and was looking for a good table for my laptop. Then, I noticed a cute girl/lady/woman/female sitting 2 tables away from mine. She was alone with her laptop as well.

I briefly thought about approaching her to say hello because she was really my type and it's not like I see someone like her everyday after all.

Well, I did not approach her. After she left, I almost wished I was a little younger thus more careless. I rarely miss my college days, but yesterday was one of those days.


So, have you done it yourself?

 

[raygungirl]

You know, I never approach guys at places like that, I'm way too much of a baby. But this one time I worked up the courage to chat up a guy at a party in San Diego, and to say it worked out would be an understatement: Much making-out ensued.

For a shy introvert gal, that was the sluttiest I have ever been, and it was REALLY fun.

Lesson: Sometimes it's worth taking a chance. You never know what'll happen. We actually exchanged emails for a while afterward, but distance killed the relationship before it ever started. (He lived in Sacramento and I live in Phoenix. Very, very far.)

 

[dubhe]

Confidence is the key, I had a similar situation once in a restaurant, and the waitress told me and my friend that two girls over the other side of the bar (that we had already clocked) would like us to join them when they finish their meal. Anyway, we did, and we had a great night.

However, turns out the waitress made it up, the girls didn't invite us at all, but because we went to their table all confident, and asked if we could join them it went really well.

I gave the waitress a tip

 

[luminosity]

Phoenix (where I live) and Sacramento aren't particularly far apart. Not nearly as far apart as plenty of other major cities. But, one thing that can really get in the way is airfare, and it's a lot easier to go between, say, Phoenix and Chicago or Phoenix and Baltimore than Phoenix and probably anywhere in the Plains states. If don't live near a major airline hub, that makes things a lot more difficult. I'm fortunate enough to have been able to go between two big US Airways/Southwest hubs, and that made things easier and cheaper.

Not that that has anything to do with approaching people, unless you're doing that in an airport .

 

[MegaMillions]

If I had one wish it would be to rid myself of the fear of approaching strangers.

There really is nothing to be afraid of. It feels terrifying before you do it, but once you do it it's like jumping into a pit of fire that turns out to just be a projected image of fire.

So, my advice would have been do go and talk to her, even though I might have not had the courage to do it myself.

Confidence is the key, I had a similar situation once in a restaurant, and the waitress told me and my friend that two girls over the other side of the bar (that we had already clocked) would like us to join them when they finish their meal. Anyway, we did, and we had a great night.

However, turns out the waitress made it up, the girls didn't invite us at all, but because we went to their table all confident, and asked if we could join them it went really well.

I gave the waitress a tip

That is the attitude to have all the time! Assume that girls want you to join them, because chances are, whether consciously or subconsciously, they do.

 

[raygungirl]

Phoenix (where I live) and Sacramento aren't particularly far apart. Not nearly as far apart as plenty of other major cities. But, one thing that can really get in the way is airfare, and it's a lot easier to go between, say, Phoenix and Chicago or Phoenix and Baltimore than Phoenix and probably anywhere in the Plains states. If don't live near a major airline hub, that makes things a lot more difficult. I'm fortunate enough to have been able to go between two big US Airways/Southwest hubs, and that made things easier and cheaper.

Not that that has anything to do with approaching people, unless you're doing that in an airport .

Well I'm a poor college student, and at the time I was an even poorer college student who wouldn't drive on the freeway. And the truth is, I didn't like him nearly enough to drive 11 hours each way to see him, and I'm sure he felt the same about me. It's okay though, I met someone else who only lived an hour away.

 

[coolwater]

Well, perhaps you guys didn't read my first post carefully.

It's a totally different game when you're at a bar or at a party. And, airport terminal or sitting next on airplane is a different game as well. These situations make things much easier and natural.

I was talking about approaching someone at a place where everyone is minding his/her own business and no one is expecting to be approached by another stranger.

 

[Abstract]

A fear of approaching someone you don't know, and talking to them isn't exactly an irrational fear. It's probably more "normal" to have this fear than it is to not have it.

Having said that, I've gone on a date with a girl who I met lined up at a fast food "booth" at a food court. I've also dated a girl that I met on an airplane, and we weren't even sitting near each other. We dated for almost a year, and broke up. The next flight I took was to Hong Kong, and I met another girl on the plane. This girl was sitting next to me (we both had aisle seats), very hot, and was wearing the shortest skirt...... *sigh* Anyway, she gave me her contact details, but that was it.

And no, I don't consider myself good at talking with strangers. The difference between your situation, and the ones I described was that the girls I talked to weren't really pre-occupied. They weren't reading a book/magazine, or talking on the phone, or doing their homework assignment. If they were occupied in some way, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to talk to them.

My point is that I think you're right. Perhaps your fear is related more to the situations where you had no chance to talk to these women, rather than a fear of approaching strangers. I don't/rarely approach strangers in the situation you've suggested.

 

[Iscariot]

Well, perhaps you guys didn't read my first post carefully.

It's a totally different game when you're at a bar or at a party.

I have in fact done exactly what you describe at a Starbucks a few times. The key is not to use some kind of pick up "strategy" or to use any pick up game. It's simply a matter of considering how you would like to be approached if the roles were reversed, and not taking it personally if they're not interested in talking. I met the girl I'm currently dating at a bus stop.

 

[DiamondMac]

I don't talk to people at places like Starbucks because I usually don't want anyone talking to me.

I go to get my coffee and that is it. Nothing more.

I think you would consider me incredibly stand-off'ish if you tried to approach me and chit-chat

BTW, hot women are excluded from the above statement.

 

[Melrose]

Most of time when I'm in Starbucks anyone sitting at a table is pretty absorbed in their stuff. I have this thing about interrupting people if their in the middle of something.

Then again, I'm not at all the 'take chances' kind of guy. The worst anyone can say is no, and in the end you'll avoid regretting that you didn't say something, and get a bit of practice at talking to complete strangers. I enjoy striking up convos with strangers, but wouldn't interrupt them if they were ensconced in something already.

 

[InvalidUserID]

Toss up because she is on her laptop...you don't know if she is prepping for an exam, typing up an important letter or tweeting.

I actually don't mind guys coming up to me and chatting as long as I'm not in the middle of something. I've been approached by guys when I was just sitting outside, enjoying a nice tea (OK) and also at the library while trying to study (not OK). So it all depends, I guess.

I will say this to the guys: don't be scared. I don't know how many times I've caught guys staring and then waited for them to move and they never did. If it helps out, I would rather be approached by a guy who fumbles the delivery but is being genuine than a guy who has cheesy pickup lines or is being insincere.

And yes, confidence matters. I'd rather talk to an OK/average guy with confidence than a dull stud.

 

[Melrose]

Toss up because she is on her laptop...you don't know if she is prepping for an exam, typing up an important letter or tweeting.

"hay Twittahz there's a hot d00d like totally chekin' me out. lol."

 

[DiamondMac]

If it helps out, I would rather be approached by a guy who fumbles the delivery but is being genuine than a guy who has cheesy pickup lines or is being insincere.

You be the biscuits and I'll be the gravy, let us do breakfast sometime.

 

[arkitect]

I noticed a cute girl/lady/woman/female sitting 2 tables away from mine. She was alone with her laptop as well.

Boy, she was all those things and you let her slip through your fingers? Those "cute girl/lady/woman/female" ones are rare as hens' teeth.

I almost wished I was a little younger thus more careless.

How much younger exactly? Was there an appreciable age difference? Like you mid 60s and she mid teens?

 

[InvalidUserID]

You be the biscuits and I'll be the gravy, let us do breakfast sometime.

LOL, haven't heard that before.

My all-time favorite was "Are you a heart surgeon because you just made my heart skip a beat".

Totally cheesy and the guy was dressed like a wannabe euro-jerk...gave him two minutes and thankfully my phone rang and I excused myself.

Tweeting...is that the correct term? I think I'm the only person left who hasn't joined twitter.

 

[fireshot91]

LOL, haven't heard that before.

My all-time favorite was "Are you a heart surgeon because you just made my heart skip a beat".

Totally cheesy and the guy was dressed like a wannabe euro-jerk...gave him two minutes and thankfully my phone rang and I excused myself.

Tweeting...is that the correct term? I think I'm the only person left who hasn't joined twitter.

Nope Nope. You're the only girl left that hasn't joined Twitter.


I'm the only guy that hasn't joined Twitter.

Maybe we should tweet each other sometime

Okay, enough of the cheesy stuff.

 

[MarkCollette]

"Hey, you know when you're on a deadline, trying to finish a project at Starbucks, and then some guy comes over to chat you up, causing you to miss the deadline, so you fail out of school or lose your job or whatever, and you spend the rest of your ill-fated existence cursing that chance encounter? I could be that guy, if you'd like?"

 

[Demosthenes X]

"Hey, you know when you're on a deadline, trying to finish a project at Starbucks, and then some guy comes over to chat you up, causing you to miss the deadline, so you fail out of school or lose your job or whatever, and you spend the rest of your ill-fated existence cursing that chance encounter? I could be that guy, if you'd like?"

LOL!

 

[coolwater]

"Hey, you know when you're on a deadline, trying to finish a project at Starbucks, and then some guy comes over to chat you up, causing you to miss the deadline, so you fail out of school or lose your job or whatever, and you spend the rest of your ill-fated existence cursing that chance encounter? I could be that guy, if you'd like?"

It's really comical that some actually think approaching someone is like holding a gun to that person.

We live in a free society and you can always say, "Sorry, I am busy." unless you believe girls are too stupid to know what's more important.

 

[Abstract]

"Hey, you know when you're on a deadline, trying to finish a project at Starbucks, and then some guy comes over to chat you up, causing you to miss the deadline, so you fail out of school or lose your job or whatever, and you spend the rest of your ill-fated existence cursing that chance encounter? I could be that guy, if you'd like?"

Haha!



"I can lead you down the road to failure, baby. Just give me a chance."

 

[sdsvtdriver]

make sure you have your lame starbucks drink first, then:

mention to her that if she wasn't gay, you would have sat down and hit on her.

If she says "What makes you think that I am gay?" you say that if she wasn't, she would have already have asked you to sit down!

If she says she isn't gay, then play it off and ask if she would like company.

If neither work and she is rude about it, simply apologize by saying, "My mistake for assuming you were gay, you're clearly just blind!"

 

[jecapaga]

I have in fact done exactly what you describe at a Starbucks a few times. The key is not to use some kind of pick up "strategy" or to use any pick up game. It's simply a matter of considering how you would like to be approached if the roles were reversed, and not taking it personally if they're not interested in talking. I met the girl I'm currently dating at a bus stop.

Honestly, If I had to be a fan of anyone, I'm fairly interested. Call me a fan. I like what you produce.

 

[DoNoHarm]

Talk to her next time

I met and asked out the love of my life at a coffe shop. I haven't proposed yet, but we've been dating 3 years. She was the barista. Go talk to her! The worst that can happen is it's really awkward and you're no worse off. There's really nothing to loose!

 

[GrannySmith_G5]

I always approach women at Starbucks and I always get laid and/or fall in love. Always. Sound stupid so far? Well listen up. The most important thing is appearance. Just yesterday I barged into a Starbucks wearing skin tight acid-washed jean shorts and a frayed terri cloth half shirt. I had hemp anklets running up to my knees and turquoise Aqua-Socks on. Did I look like an absolute moron? You bet I did! I also got everyones attention, including the ladies. 65% of them looked away in utter disgust. This is good, for these people truly disgust me as well. This helps thin the herd. This gorgeous young nubile bird was giggling at the corner table and couldn't keep her eyes off of me. A woman with a sense of humor, nice.

I order a cinnamon dolce grande and approach the lovely lass. I stop about 2 feet in front of her table and stand as rigid as a statue. I bring the straw up towards my lips and stop about an inch shy of contact. I suck as hard as I can with my cheeks puckered up like an exaggerated fish and my face as red as some losers Ferrari. She looks at me and says "What the hell are you doing?". "Seducing You", I reply. A few seconds of mutual deadpan silence, and then we both expel hearty laughter in unison. Fast forward 3 hours and I have just finished a session of some of the greatest coitus I have ever experienced.