Are you proud to be British?

XIII

macrumors 68040
Original poster
Aug 15, 2004
3,450
0
England
I got forwarded this, and I actually thought it was quite funny. Quite possibly the statistics are made up, but ho humm. :p

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or
a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.

Oh and......

-Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

-Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the
way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

-Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries and a DIET coke.

-Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the
pens to the counters.

-Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on
the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

-Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.

-Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of
a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new
shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker
pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled
out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a
lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years
after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of
Control Scalextric cars.
and finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the
toilet.

Heh :D
 

UKnjb

macrumors 6502a
May 23, 2005
717
0
London, UK
All seems very reasonable and --- British --- me. And thanks for giving those stats; I was reassured to see that I wasn' the only one to get injured by the Scalextric cars. Such a bummer. :) And you mean that the Christmas decorations AREN'T chocolate. *sigh - another illusion down the pan*
 

dcv

macrumors G3
May 24, 2005
8,021
1
Pretty funny... I'm not so sure it's "only" in Britain though...
 

XIII

macrumors 68040
Original poster
Aug 15, 2004
3,450
0
England
dietcokevanilla said:
Pretty funny... I'm not so sure it's "only" in Britain though...
Yeah.. you'd usually expect these statistics to be said about Americans. :p
 

AP_piano295

macrumors 65816
Mar 9, 2005
1,076
13
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries and a DIET coke.

deffinitely happens ina america 2... but here we blame fatness on glands.
 

mkrishnan

Moderator emeritus
Jan 9, 2004
29,777
12
Grand Rapids, MI, USA
*makes two distinct Monty Python voices*

A: I'm proud to be British!

B: You're not British. You're an Ammmmerican.

A: Oh, right. I'm not proud to be British.

B: No, you're *not* British.

A: Oh, right then. I'm proud not to be British.

B: No, no, no...bloody American....

:D

*loves our UK peeps*
 

XIII

macrumors 68040
Original poster
Aug 15, 2004
3,450
0
England
iGav said:
Go get a fresh one from the shops so you get the full effect. ;) and make sure you tounge is nice and wet too. :D
Thanks for the handy hints. :)
 

mcarnes

macrumors 68000
Mar 14, 2004
1,929
1
USA! USA!
All of this is accurate except the part about being injured by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. The actual number is not that high.
 

Spanky Deluxe

macrumors 601
Mar 17, 2005
4,856
387
London, UK
Oh dear. I've only ever owned German cars. I only ever drink Belgian beer, my favourite foods are currys and pizzas. All of my furniture was made in Scandinavian countries and my TV at home is a Sony. Seriously.

I also always get a diet coke with my take away food, regularly test 9v batteries on my tongue (my girlfriend thinks I'm crazy), regularly use sharp knives instead of screwdrivers and have been known to open bottles of beer with my teeth. Its all about improvisation though, that must be a british thing!!
 

shambolic

macrumors regular
Oct 27, 2003
126
5
Staten Island, NY
XIII said:
-Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Whereas over in America, PHARMACIES make sick people walk to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

After five years here (I'm an ex-pat proud Brit), I still can't quite get my head around that one..
 

iGav

macrumors G3
Mar 9, 2002
9,025
1
shambolic said:
Whereas over in America, PHARMACIES make sick people walk to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front..
Americans have to walk??? :eek: you'd have thought they'd have implemented those moving floors like at airports en masse by now. heh.
 

mcarnes

macrumors 68000
Mar 14, 2004
1,929
1
USA! USA!
iGav said:
Americans have to walk??? :eek: you'd have thought they'd have implemented those moving floors like at airports en masse by now. heh.
Dude, I walk all the time. But it's more for recreation. For fun.
 

sunfast

macrumors 68020
Oct 14, 2005
2,105
0
London
Those facts are hilarious! And crazily they're believable.

Anyway, I'm British and and I'd say I'm proud of it most of the time.