[Article] Computer users, defined

It amazes me how far computers have come. We are now in an age where we can actually pick out certain categories of users quite easily.

• The LEARNER: This is a person who uses computers to try and learn things because they believe that anything can be learned using computers. And in truth, anything can. There are people in this world who are getting PhDs using only a computer.
• The GRAN(PA)(MA): Usually someone's parent who is trying to just get accustomed to the notion of powering the poor thing on and struggles with powering it off at night.
• The HOMEMAKER: Can be male or female. Usually identified by the person who doesn't have a job in a live-in relationship. This person literally sits around all day long and uses the computer for various things in between bouts of American Idol and Jersey Shore.
• The PC: Come on, you've seen the commercials. This is a guy, 9 times of 10 blatantly unattractive, often older, wearing glasses and frumpy clothes, who swears up and down that Windows is the best operating system ever made. They refuse to acknowledge the positives of anything else but their own self-hype. Clearly identified by the presence of a full-on Windows Server in their house used as a proxy server.
• The "OLD IT GUY": Every company has or has had one of these. This is a guy (it's ALWAYS a guy) who is over his 50's, was building and repairing servers back before Windows existed, still uses a battery tester, still insists on repairing laptops instead of replacing them even though they're over 5 years old, and spends more money on computer parts than actual computers. Can't stand anything Apple related.
• The STARBUCK: This is a young professional, guy or gal, who takes their computer to Starbucks almost every day to sit and leech off of the wireless while browsing the latest news and Facebook.
• The HACKER: This is a guy - always a guy - who adores Ubuntu, Redhat, Unix, Solaris, Oracle/Java, etc. and always wants to custom write things because it's the only way they can keep their job. Even when the company they work for is presented with an out-of-the-box solution to address common challenges with no custom code required, this guy will always chime in and require an API of some kind so they can write and effectively control a program in their own desired codebase, ensuring ongoing job security, instead of adapting to the changing business dynamic and learning new skills.

Ah, but wait. We haven't even gotten to the Apple crowd. Because quite honestly, there are multiple types of Apple users now unlike before where being an Apple fan almost made you a pariah.

• The POLY: This should be obvious. Anyone who buys the white MacBook falls into this category. Usually identifies a person who wants a Mac but isn't really willing to spend money for a good one.
• The COMMUTER: New to the Apple family, this is a person who feels compelled to own the lightest Mac possible no matter the cost. A lot of times they will own a MacBook Air AND an iPad even though they technically don't need both, but it makes them feel good regardless.
• The "REALLY?": Also new to the Apple line, this is identified by a person - often female - who attempts to force an iPad to do things a full computer should be doing simply because they don't want to carry a computer. They will buy every possible accessory and own the most expensive iPad, which altogether equals around the cost of the MacBook Air, a stronger machine, but they drink the Kool-Aid nonetheless.
• The CONVERT: A person who comes from the Windows world, is new to the Mac world, and tries desperately to make do because they are tired of some of the issues in Windows. They struggle in OS X, at times threatening to go back but never actually do.
• The HYBRID: A person who understands the value of Windows and OS X in home and business spaces, and attempts to use the two interchangeably. Will be running either VMWare or Parallels to keep at least one Windows configuration handy for the times it's required. Is so comfortable with the hybrid setup that they couldn't imagine going back to a PC.
• The JOBSIAN: The worst of the Apple pack, this group of people just can't live without Apple. They have at least two Apple computers of some configuration - often a MacBook/Pro and an Air - plus every separate accessory made, possibly even multiple iPods. They own an iPad and use it for bathroom visits. They have an iPhone and find every way possible to get all of their Apple devices talking with one another.
• The AESTHETIC: This person - often female - buys Apple computers, but more often than not runs Windows only and ignores OS X. Why? Because they think the Apple computers are more attractive than PC computers.

Which one are YOU?