Alright, pent up rant time.
I'll start with nice things. The graphics are very nice. The clothing in particularly looks awesome on Ezio and the cities are very pretty. The skin texturing is horrid, making most look like they have a layer or two of varnish on them, but thats okay.
The cities are very well laid out and feel big.
Killing dudes looks cool, and feels cool.
Thats about it.
I can't get over how boring and ho-hum this game is. Kill a guy because he made you mad, then repeat. OH! but wait, I have to kill him before he runs in the church! And he has tons of body guards! Oh... all I have to do is climb on the roof and throw a knife at him, or hire some sluts who happen to be standing RIGHT outside the gates and woo the guards away so I can stab him. Rinse and repeat.
But there is still to collect.... like feathers.... which do nothing.... OH! But there is codex pages. .... oh... all I have to do is again use whores or mercs who happen to be standing right outside the door I need to get the guards away from (because, you can only get the codex page if you are not causing trouble for some unexplained reason), so I pay the hookers 150$ (which is mere pittance after a while, the game practically heaves money into your pocket) to show their goods at the guards while I walk in, grab the damn page, walk over to Leonardo Da Vinci, who will say the SAME DAMN LINE EACH FREAKIN' TIME "Hmmm... let me see... I move this here and that there....AHA!.... I GOT IT!" then walk back to my house and put the page on the wall.
Death is really not any threat at all since you can carry half a dozen potions around with you at any time which have no cool-down time or anything so just chug some down if a guard hits you then carry on. And if you happen to run out, don't fret since a doctor is around every corner who will heal you for pennies and will refill your potions too. About the only time you need them is when you fall some distance after Ezio does something you don't want him to because the controls are floaty and the game gives no indication if you can make a jump or not. But most times there are one of a seeminly infinite number of wagons of hay to jump into so even falling to your death is rare. And what the hell is with the game making MOVING complicated? Push the stick to walk, hold A to walk faster, hold right trigger plus A to run, hold right trigger and mash on A to sprint. Why not make it like every other game and to walk you tilt a little, to run more, to sprint hold A.
Wandering around is slow and tedious since the game wants you to go from one end of the city to the other, which is made all the more annoying that climbing on roofs gets you in trouble with guards, which is annoying only in the sense that it takes valuble seconds to use the games equally boring combat system. Hold a button to block, then when a guard swings, push another button to instantly kill him in some horribly gruesome fashion (which I'll grant looks cool), repeat for the next 6 guys. Oops, now my infamy meter is full. Darn. Guess I have to press B on a few pages magically stuck to random walls to get rid of it, or pay some dude $500 to make it go away. And speaking to tedious, the map is all veiled in the fog of war until you climb on of 66 towers to "sync" with them to reveal a portion of the map. It's rarely fun to climb the towers since the climbing is essentially done for you. Just hold up on the stick until he stops, then press A to jump up, then hold up again.
But I have just wasted a bunch of money on hookers, soldiers, giving it to average people so I can cringe when I hear "MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!!" for the 1000000th time, so I need more. Well, I need to check back in at my villa to grab my cash. Hmmm... well I suppose I need to run through the town (which again is slow and tedious) to the stables, where I sit through a load screen, then get to my hometown, run through it to my house (YET AGAIN, slow and tedious), out into the house, grab the money, then do the reverse to get back to where I was. Oh, but while home I partake in the the much talked about economic system. And just like economics classes, it's a waste of time. I go into a menu, after hearing the architect say FOR THE 100TH TIME THE SAME THING, simply click "Buy" to as much as I can afford then leave. That's it. Why not just give me the damn money in my pocket to begin with?! Why not just let me warp to my house instantly?!
But the game is edgy, your mom says Vagina
I feel better. *ahh* How this game is talked about in the same league as Uncharted 2 or Batman is beyond me.
