I feel a little like a jackass.
I called the 877 Number today and was told my order was on back order.
Then, most importantly, a rep from AT&T called me after I sent an email to Randall Stephenson. I was informed that there was an update... and that update was that
"Your iPhone will be delivered between the dates shown on the order status webpage. Is there anything else I can help with?"
My jaw dropped, and since I was at work, I asked if I could call her back, to which she said no. I also asked to to call me back at 4:30 today and she did not.
Not sure where I go from here. Seems confirmed that we're all screwed until October at the least, and she just didn't want to talk to me very long about it. I might escalate to the BBB, but that takes too long generally, so it's probably best to wait.
iPhone 6+, 64GB, Space Gray
Premier
Ordered at ~2:45AM CST 9/12