Backup times when syncing (was: Why Why Why?)

I know that there has been a lot said about the extremely long amount of time it takes to back up the iPhone every time it is plugged into iTunes. Mine time has escalated to over 4 hours!!!!!! It must take this thing 3 1/2 hours just to back it up! What I do not understand is this:

Everytime I plug the phone in and before it starts the back up a message comes up in iTunes that says something like "This iPhone contains items that is not located in your iTunes Library. Would you like to transfer these items from you phone to your itunes? If you choose NO, these items will be removed from your phone."

If I hit "Do not transfer" nothing happens and it does not even continue the sync. If I hit "Transfer" it takes half a day to back up and sync. Then After it is done I can proceed to disconnect the phone and then turn around and plug it right back in and it gives me that same message again about there being items on the phone that are not in my iTunes library. EVEN AFTER I HAVE NOT EVEN DONE A THING WITH THE PHONE! Come On!

Anybody else dealing with this?

 

Mine is a 16 gig as well and yes I have many apps on the phone, but even if I have not downloaded any new ones since the last sync it still asked me if I want to transfer the items from the phone that are not in my itunes over. It does not matter. I can finish the sync and then hit sync again without even disconnecting my iPhone from the computer as soon as the first sync is done and it will still ask me this.

I have been experiencing problems with the phone crashing lately too and I have restored it many times over the past few days. The past few times it has crashed it simply went into the screen with the apple logo and stayed there. I could not do anything. I have had to put it in DFU mode to restore it. That happened yesterday and today. I am restoring it right now as a matter of fact. Sucks big time. I guess I need to take it in.

 

How do you disable backups and if you do disable them, can you choose to make a back up anytime you want to so you can have a copy on your computer just incase?

 

Yes, that is what I usually. It is just the principal of the situation to me. I do not understand how or why it takes some of us 3-4 hours to back our phones up and others only a few minutes. There are more factors in my case though. My original concern is why my computer keeps telling me that there are items on my phone that are not present in my itunes library even when I have not done a thing on the phone. Also, why does my phone keep crashing and giving me the screen of death until I put it in DFU mode to restore it. I have had an iphone since day one and have had nothing but bad luck with them. I had to have my 1st gen phone replaced 4 times over the course of a year and this is already my 2nd 3G phone. The first one had some dead pixils. I love the Phone and all that it does but I am very disappointed in the problems I have had.