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Bah, girls.
- Thread starter Plymouthbreezer
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As OutThere says, just play it cool this weekend. A bit of gentle flirting is fine if the situation's appropriate, but don't go over the top just be your usual charming self and see how you get on. 
Sure, but do I bring up the fact she doesn't really (maybe - I guess it's an unknown) want to date me?
Maybe she doesn't know you well so she wants to "feel you out"
I think we should rename macrumors to "iGary's rant of the week and relationship questions along with new powerbook G5 next tuesday rumors"
I think we should rename macrumors to "iGary's rant of the week and relationship questions along with new powerbook G5 next tuesday rumors"
Just go out and have a good time. You'll both know soon enough if you want more. Don't force anything. Just be yourself and enjoy yourself.
And for G*d sake remember your manners open the door for her and all that stuff.
And for G*d sake remember your manners open the door for her and all that stuff.
You've been "friended". Nothing wrong with that, she probably thinks you're cool. But a relationship is probably a no-go. If she just wants to be friends, take her at her word.
see, here's what I'd do:
Go out with her this weekend. BE yourself. Take her some place interesting, like a sex shop (I kid, I kid... or do I?) and just play it like you're fine with everything.
Over the next week she will ask to do something with you. Say "yes."
When you're out, she may show more affection. You, however, should not. Play like you don't want anything out of it. It will drive her mad.
Reverse the game on her. Girls like to put guys through hell, this way, when you reverse the tables, she will want you more.
I then give you less than a month before she brings up dating.
Learn from the ways of Onizuka. I know what the ladies like...
edit: the "friends line" before you go out with a girl is their way of saying "I don't screw on the first date." I give it three weeks if you follow my plan.
Go out with her this weekend. BE yourself. Take her some place interesting, like a sex shop (I kid, I kid... or do I?) and just play it like you're fine with everything.
Over the next week she will ask to do something with you. Say "yes."
When you're out, she may show more affection. You, however, should not. Play like you don't want anything out of it. It will drive her mad.
Reverse the game on her. Girls like to put guys through hell, this way, when you reverse the tables, she will want you more.
I then give you less than a month before she brings up dating.
Learn from the ways of Onizuka. I know what the ladies like...
edit: the "friends line" before you go out with a girl is their way of saying "I don't screw on the first date." I give it three weeks if you follow my plan.
OutThere said:
That is entirely correct. I will be explicitly clear, so as not to confuse the masses. Being friends with the girl could be great... you could be friends for years and years. Doubtful, yes, but possible. Like finding a $100 bill under a rock in your backyard. But I digress... here's the point I was trying to make.... everyone listening?
Do not bring up the fact she doesn't want to date you.
<Cringes at thought of this happening>
There are far worse things than being friends and hanging out with a cute and popular girl. She probably has cute friends, yes?
I think you need to redefine your definition of a 'date'
A date is for spending time with someone, doing something that is fun for both of you, and getting to know each other better.
It is nothing more -- that is, it is not a 'lock' on any kind of more emotional or more physical relationship.
If you start getting into the mind game of
'well I won't make the effort to go out on a date with her because she would probably not be interested in [pick one: going steady, jumping in the sack, having my children] so why bother'
then you are setting yourself up for a long and lonely life. You simply cannot make people respond and behave according to your mental projection of how things should happen.
A date is just 2 people having a fun time. Period. Go on the date, drop all of the expectations, listen more than you talk, smile, be gracious and courteous, and most of all remind yourself how fortunate you are to be spending time with this other wonderful and interesting person.
Get this: Even if (unlikely) she never speaks to you again in your life, you still would have had a good time on that evening - so that is worth it - it's a winner no matter what happens in the future.
Also, if she gets the message that you are sincere and real, not pushing her into a relationship, and are truly interested in her as a person, she may become the best friend you ever had, or she *may* become the woman you marry and spend the rest of your life with. Or you may have some kind of relationship that blossoms, ends, and you each find other people. You never know. And you can't pre-plan that.
A date is for spending time with someone, doing something that is fun for both of you, and getting to know each other better.
It is nothing more -- that is, it is not a 'lock' on any kind of more emotional or more physical relationship.
If you start getting into the mind game of
'well I won't make the effort to go out on a date with her because she would probably not be interested in [pick one: going steady, jumping in the sack, having my children] so why bother'
then you are setting yourself up for a long and lonely life. You simply cannot make people respond and behave according to your mental projection of how things should happen.
A date is just 2 people having a fun time. Period. Go on the date, drop all of the expectations, listen more than you talk, smile, be gracious and courteous, and most of all remind yourself how fortunate you are to be spending time with this other wonderful and interesting person.
Get this: Even if (unlikely) she never speaks to you again in your life, you still would have had a good time on that evening - so that is worth it - it's a winner no matter what happens in the future.
Also, if she gets the message that you are sincere and real, not pushing her into a relationship, and are truly interested in her as a person, she may become the best friend you ever had, or she *may* become the woman you marry and spend the rest of your life with. Or you may have some kind of relationship that blossoms, ends, and you each find other people. You never know. And you can't pre-plan that.
Oh and don't forget when you're at the bowling alley don't buy doritos... nothing worse than a girl with Dorito Breath
You have to go at the pace of the "slowest" one in any couple. Maybe it'll happen, maybe not, but just take it easy.
I'm now married to my best friend from college. It took about two years from the time I realised I'd fallen for her to the time she realised she had fallen for me (she was in denial, apparently, and it took her a month of travelling around Europe without seeing me for her to realise this). Two years felt like a long time to wait back then, but looking back it was nothing.
I'm now married to my best friend from college. It took about two years from the time I realised I'd fallen for her to the time she realised she had fallen for me (she was in denial, apparently, and it took her a month of travelling around Europe without seeing me for her to realise this). Two years felt like a long time to wait back then, but looking back it was nothing.
There's nothing you can do. You should have initiated the conversation instead of send your friend to do your work for you. Then, you could have transitioned into the "wanna hang out this weekend" line. Might as well learn this lesson now rather than later.
If I recall you're pretty young, right plymouthbreezer? If I'm right...
There have been a lot of suggestions here...but really the most important thing is to enjoy it. Really, just have fun and don't over-think it...if you have to think so much that it isn't fun, it's not worth it right?
The more you spend time with women now, without worrying too much about "what's going on", the more natural and 'real' you'll be in the future when things get more serious.
There have been a lot of suggestions here...but really the most important thing is to enjoy it. Really, just have fun and don't over-think it...if you have to think so much that it isn't fun, it's not worth it right?
The more you spend time with women now, without worrying too much about "what's going on", the more natural and 'real' you'll be in the future when things get more serious.