Bah, girls.

[Abstract]

There's nothing you can do. You should have initiated the conversation instead of send your friend to do your work for you. Then, you could have transitioned into the "wanna hang out this weekend" line. Might as well learn this lesson now rather than later.

Yeah, I had a "WTF?!?!" moment when he said that.

Anyway, go out with her, and don't talk too much unless she's obviously not a talker (she's shy, right?). In fact, never bring up the dating thing ever again unless she brings it up first, or if she drops serious serious clues, and tell us what these "clues" are before proceeding so that we can tell you if they actually are clues. You might be the only person who perceives them as clues while everyone else thinks it's normal behaviour .

Be an enhanced version of yourself, don't worry about what she said in the past, and pretty much pretend that you're dating her while out with her, even if you're not. She'll get a taste of what dating you could be like, and if she likes it, she may like you more. If you treat her weird, or treat her badly because she rejected you, she'll be glad to have said "No" to you. Be the man you always wanted to be, you suave mother****er.

However, only do this several times, and then if it's not working, don't bother treating her "special" and just her like any other friend......be friends and nothing more. In fact, not contacting her as much might be the best thing after that, because you really should get over this and find another girl. Don't get strung along for months, or even years. Some guys do.

 

[Cfg5]

Don't even go. Any and all of your plans to get anywhere with her are over. Don't even try to convince her that you want to be more than friends or she'll just end up disliking you even more for being a little needy sob.

 

[Plymouthbreezer]

Well, thanks for the responses everyone; even the sarcastic ones ?

There are far worse things than being friends and hanging out with a cute and popular girl. She probably has cute friends, yes?

Sure... But the last time I liked someone she is friends with, I wasted two years of my life not seeing anyone (and rejecting some decent girls who liked me) because I couldn't bring myself to get over this one girl. :/

Yeah, I had a "WTF?!?!" moment when he said that

It hardly worked to my disadvantage. I just got a feel for if she was even open to a relationship.

OutThere, I'm 16.

 

[MattG]

Jeez...there's some horrible, mean advice in this thread. Some good, some really horrible.

Anyway dude, just take it slow, and if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. Just try to have fun and let her see the kind of guy you are, and perhaps you'll become more than friends.

 

[Plymouthbreezer]

Jeez...there's some horrible, mean advice in this thread. Some good, some really horrible.

Anyway dude, just take it slow, and if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. Just try to have fun and let her see the kind of guy you are, and perhaps you'll become more than friends.

I do agree.

(Love the avatar, BTW!)

 

[0098386]

Gotta say, IM is no way to go with a girl. at least not early on. You need to read those signals, you need to flirt and charm your way about, both of you!

If I were you make some story up about losing your internet connection for the next few weeks.

Or just say "Look, I know it's old fashioned but shall we cut the internet stuff out?", in a nicer way. show her you're an old romantic. go to town on it. flowers if you get to the date stage, never let her pay for anything etc.

Sorry. but the way I see it the biggest mistake you made was talking to a potential girlfriend on an IM at a very important stage for a budding young couple.

Show her you are dedicated too. Talk about her, make her feel special. I don't know if this worked when I was younger, back then it was "hey my mate fancies you" and bam! but no. as I've grown up I've found that girls (or just girl in my case) like to feel special and loved. unless they're missing something or had some kind of mind altering tragedy where by love they mean kill. in which case you run away NOW.

PS. this is advice from an eccentric character who treats his girlfriend to paintball matches. she likes that though. and I've only had 1 real long term relationship. going on 3 and a half years now. We're both 20, just so you know.

 

[Nuc]

I had the same thing happen to me... I go the whole "I want to be just friends." Well now I'm married to her and have a kid on the way. Be cool, play some hard to get. And when you think is this s@%t worth it-be a little more persistent. Humor and persistence is what paid off.

Nuc

 

[Kwyjibo]

I would not talk to her online this will probably only put you deeper i the friend cateogry. Use ozi's advice but do it over the phone.

 

[CubaTBird]

So, last week, I muster up the nerve ask out this cute, kinda shy yet popular girl from my English class. I had a friend of mine bring it up (me liking her) the week before to see if she was interested in a relationship, and she seemed ok with one/me. So, I ask her out with the typical "Wanna do something this weekend" line. She says "Yeah, sure! That sounds great." We exchange numbers/SN's, she says "I'll be sure to go online" and seems all eager. We've talked the past few days in school and online, and everything seems fine. Today she IM's me and says "I'd rather just be friends" line, but "I still want to go out this weekend if its ok with you."

So, WTF? Any advice? I don't want to just give up on her if she truly cares to "get to know me better," but if she really has no intentions of dating, I think I'd rather save myself the energy and pain. We are going bowling on Sunday, but do I bring it up? Just act friendly? Flirt? I have no clue.

I don't ask many girls out, I'd hate to lose a chance at this one. I'm just confused.

alright your assuming that after one ask she will go out and fall in love with you and say yes to all your wants and desires.. cmon' man... did you talk to her in class? did you get to know her for a little while? did you get to know her friends? i feel for one to be successful you need to mingle a lot with the person.. just randomely going up to her and asking her if she wants to "hang out" is not enough.. she doesn't even know you or your personalilty so of course she's going to "want to be friends" first...

 

[ieani]

To keep another similar thread from sprouting here goes.

I hate being the good guy. Some completely hot girl was hitting on me at the st patricks day parade but she was definitely a little drunk. She invited back to her house for some party but I decided not to go. Taking advantage of drunk girls is trashy as tempting as it may be. Ill never see her again, though.

 

[quigleybc]

This is one of those times, when you wish you could just be honest, and say.

"no, I don't want to just be friends, I think you are hot, and I want to hook up with you, and if we hit it off after that, then bonus, but I've got enough friends."

But, life doesn't work that way, and we don't say stuff like that.......

we only think it.

 

[CubaTBird]

This is one of those times, when you wish you could just be honest, and say.

"no, I don't want to just be friends, I think you are hot, and I want to hook up with you, and if we hit it off after that, then bonus, but I've got enough friends."

But, life doesn't work that way, and we don't say stuff like that.......

we only think it.

they would say that on the office lol

 

[MattG]

This is one of those times, when you wish you could just be honest, and say.

"no, I don't want to just be friends, I think you are hot, and I want to hook up with you, and if we hit it off after that, then bonus, but I've got enough friends."

But, life doesn't work that way, and we don't say stuff like that.......

we only think it.

"We" who? Not all guys are like that, including myself, and it's guys who say stuff like that who make women make generalizations like "all guys care about is sex" and "all guys are pigs."

 

[2nyRiggz]

Stay in it to win it...be her friend and it might bloom..this is a win win right here.


Bless

 

[Abstract]

Sure... But the last time I liked someone she is friends with, I wasted two years of my life not seeing anyone (and rejecting some decent girls who liked me) because I couldn't bring myself to get over this one girl. :/

and....

However, only do this several times, and then if it's not working, don't bother treating her "special" and just her like any other friend......be friends and nothing more. In fact, not contacting her as much might be the best thing after that, because you really should get over this and find another girl. Don't get strung along for months, or even years. Some guys do.

 

[amateurmacfreak]

I hate being the good guy. Some completely hot girl was hitting on me at the st patricks day parade but she was definitely a little drunk. She invited back to her house for some party but I decided not to go. Taking advantage of drunk girls is trashy as tempting as it may be. Ill never see her again, though.

No, don't hate being a good guy. You did the right thing, haha.

 

[Plymouthbreezer]

Update:

Well, she seems eager, as she IM'd me two separate times today assuring we're still going tomorrow.

I'm worried though, because my guy friend can't make it now, and I'm stuck with date girl and her friend I'm that big a fan of (but invited her cuz guy friend is chummy with her, and I figured it might make everyone more at ease)....

 

[OutThere]

Update:

Well, she seems eager, as she IM'd me two separate times today assuring we're still going tomorrow.

I'm worried though, because my guy friend can't make it now, and I'm stuck with date girl and her friend I'm that big a fan of (but invited her cuz guy friend is chummy with her, and I figured it might make everyone more at ease)....

If you can make a good impression on her friend, you'll be in the money. Seriously, girls' friends' opinions of guys tend to be really important to them.

 

[Abstract]

^^Highly highly agreed. Win over her friends, and you might win her over as well. A "Yeah, he seems so great" from one of her friends will make you a much better situation for you and for her. She'd love to date a guy who her friends think is great. What person wants to date someone who your friends think is weird, bi-polar, assholish, or mean, or mean towards only him/her, or anything of the sort?

Make it an easy decision for her. Time to put on a good show. *slaps Plymouthbreezer in the ass*

"RUDY!! RUDY!! RUDY!!"

 

[lanray]

Goodness Gracious

Take it from a married guy (who else would you want to take dating advice from?!?) - anyways, you've got some good advices here. Take the folks that lay out absolutes with a grain of salt. Truth is, the best advice is always do what you think is right, with a few guidelines. It's always a good idea to save talking about the "relationship" until there is one. If you have to work so hard on starting a relationship that you have to debate it before any smooches or whatever, it's probably going to be a pain in the long run, too (though this isn't set in stone, either). Heck, at times like these I'd be thankful I had someone cute to hang out with that had a even a bit of potential. Then, when it became clear that there wasn't much potential (and she's already said there isn't), it's time to move on. If you feel you can't do that, then maybe hold out for the next cutie. And, yep, next time, better to approach her yourself. It gives her less time to think about stuff, and she'll be impressed by your bravado and directness.

 

[bigandy]

now i think i'm not the greatest when it comes to dating, but i've never had any trouble. - just go with that old saying "be yourself: if they don't fall for it straight away they're not worth it"

in september, i met this cute little polish girl who's come over, obviously from poland, to do a 4 year degree. so i ask her out for a few drinks in the student union, and we get on pretty well. she says she wants to be friends, i kick myself but agree to it - because she's so much fun, just hanging about with.

a month later we're dating, and on friday, she said the big L word to me.

i'm rather happy

what i guess i'm trying to hint at, is if you get on well, if you're good with the friends thing, it may change pretty quickly into something more.

best of luck!

 

[ReanimationLP]

see, here's what I'd do:

Go out with her this weekend. BE yourself. Take her some place interesting, like a sex shop (I kid, I kid... or do I?) and just play it like you're fine with everything.

Over the next week she will ask to do something with you. Say "yes."

When you're out, she may show more affection. You, however, should not. Play like you don't want anything out of it. It will drive her mad.

Reverse the game on her. Girls like to put guys through hell, this way, when you reverse the tables, she will want you more.

I then give you less than a month before she brings up dating.

Learn from the ways of Onizuka. I know what the ladies like...

edit: the "friends line" before you go out with a girl is their way of saying "I don't screw on the first date." I give it three weeks if you follow my plan.

You have much to teach me l337 master. *bows*

Yeah, girls can be really confusing. Just try to be yourself, and not an ass or anything. T_T

Trust me.

 

[sushi]

So, last week, I muster up the nerve ask out this cute, kinda shy yet popular girl from my English class. I had a friend of mine bring it up (me liking her) the week before to see if she was interested in a relationship, and she seemed ok with one/me. So, I ask her out with the typical "Wanna do something this weekend" line. She says "Yeah, sure! That sounds great." We exchange numbers/SN's, she says "I'll be sure to go online" and seems all eager. We've talked the past few days in school and online, and everything seems fine. Today she IM's me and says "I'd rather just be friends" line, but "I still want to go out this weekend if its ok with you."

So, WTF? Any advice? I don't want to just give up on her if she truly cares to "get to know me better," but if she really has no intentions of dating, I think I'd rather save myself the energy and pain. We are going bowling on Sunday, but do I bring it up? Just act friendly? Flirt? I have no clue.

I don't ask many girls out, I'd hate to lose a chance at this one. I'm just confused.

Be friends. Enjoy life. Don't worry about the relationship.

And if something develops, it will develop for good reasons.

Have fun!

 

[sushi]

Sure, but do I bring up the fact she doesn't really (maybe - I guess it's an unknown) want to date me?

Take the AA approach. One day/One step at a time.

Don't plan out your life. Go with the flow.

Most important. Just be yourself. Have fun and don't worry.

 

[Plymouthbreezer]

Alright... So. Good news I think.

So I think it went well. It ended up being just her and me, as the girl friend went to the wrong bowling ally and didn't have a ride to the other one. Her parents were there, and she introduced me to them. Of course I was pleasant and smiled and shook their hands. Both seemed in good spirits. After introductions, they left. Nothing too awkward. We paid separately. She was very pleasant, making jokes, laughing, etc. After bowling three games, we went up to a table and talked for about 25 minutes - random stuff. After a bit, her mother comes in to get her. She was all apologetic that her daughter kept me til 6 (I had CCD), but I assured her it was fine. I walked out with them, held the door and such, and said good a simple "alright, see ya tomorrow" leaving.

Hardly half as bad as I thought it would have went.