Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by glocke12, Sep 18, 2010.

  1. glocke12 macrumors 6502a


    Jan 7, 2008
    So I have this "friend" Ive known for a few years now who I have come to realize is really kind of a leech.

    First, let me preface this by saying that at age of 43, I have come to realize that the word "borrow" essentially means "can I take what is yours for an undetermined period of time, to return, or not return at a time of my choosing, and if I return said item, it will be in worse condition than when it left your house".

    For as long as I have known him, whenever he has found out that I have something that may interest him, or be of use to him he asks to borrow it. At first I thought he was fairly responsible, so loaned him one item. After a few months I needed that item back, but always was met with excuses as to why it isnt being returned. Finally, after almost a year it was returned to me, but was essentially ruined. Since than he has asked to borrow multiple items, even a very expensive ($500.00) digital recorder. Each time I say no, thinking that he would get the message.

    The kicker is that everything he has borrowed are all things that he has repeated use for and has justification in buying. He also has the means to but these.

    This week was the kicker, and is also what tells me he is not playing with a full deck. He asked to borrow my nikon D90 camera with ALL of the lenses (all told almost $3000.00 in camera gear)...This was really the last straw for me. I basically told him that Im not in the habit of lending things as Ive been burned too many times in the past by things not getting returned or getting returned damaged, which results in me being out $$$$ by having to replace them, and Im certainly not in the habit of lending out several thousands of dollars worth of stuff, especially to a person who has already proven that they do not respect other peoples stuff when they borrow it...

    In short, I was met with surprise, and was basically told that Im greedy and selfish....

    I mean, seriously..first off i think it takes a little nerve to keep asking to borrow things from someone, espeically if they are items that one has a reason to own themselves. Secondly, who the hell asks to borrow someones $3000.00 camera kit??
  2. barkomatic macrumors 68040

    Aug 8, 2008
    I'd say your friend is the selfish one and you are justified in cutting him off--especially if he is capable of buying this stuff himself. It doesn't sound like you've ever borrowed anything from him, or if you did it probably wasn't $3K in equipment.

    On occasion, I've borrowed expensive items from people--but I've made sure to allow them to borrow expensive stuff they needed from me. In every case, items I returned and those returned to me were in the same condition as when I lent them out. If I borrowed something and broke, damaged or scuffed it--I'd reimburse the person. Also, borrowing expensive stuff for a *year* is ridiculous.

    I bet now that your friend can't leech your stuff anymore you'll see him a lot less.
  3. Hellhammer Moderator


    Staff Member

    Dec 10, 2008
    I know the feeling. When I was a kid, I had a "friend" who acted exactly the same although it wasn't about expensive cameras and stuff but still. Back when we were smaller kids, he did pay his debt and return borrowed items but the older we grew, the worse he paid back. One example I remember is that when I was buying at cash desk buying a soda, he came there with his soda and just put it there, without asking anything. The cashier of course added it and I didn't really have time to say no. Usually he just asked for money or different items. He always promised to pay back when we next met but he never did, he just gave a flood of excuses. He tried to be my best friend when he needed the money but when you asked for your money, he became an *******.

    He did this for everyone though so I wasn't the only one. The most annoying part was when he started bullying people who didn't borrow him money or items, including me. For some reason, this bullying concentrated on "rich" people and for some reason he thought that people with money should give him money and he didn't need to pay back. As you may guess, he wasn't from a very rich family but still, my parents worked hard for the money, it didn't grow on trees!

    I got rid of him by just saying no every time. Sooner than later he stopped as he realized that I'm not giving him anything and chose a new victim. My advice is to ignore him and say no if he asks for something. By giving him something, you're just throwing fuel to the fire and he will keep doing it as he knows you're weak and in the end he will get what he wants.

    He hasn't shown any marks of reliability or generosity so why would you? Just be a total ass for him and he will disappear. As said above, you will likely see him a lot less if you quit borrowing your stuff. There is a good chance that he's your "friend" because he wants to get free stuff.
  4. roadbloc macrumors G3


    Aug 24, 2009
    He sounds more like a friend without the "R".
  5. glocke12 thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Jan 7, 2008
    I have borrowed one time in my life...some power tools from my brother, and they were returned promptly, clean and all consumables (nails, etc), were replaced also.

    I am really not the type to borrow stuff from people, its really not something I believe in. First off I dont like the feeling of being responsible for someone elses property, secondly, at least in the case of tools and electronics, your essentially adding wear and tear to that persons property...basically costing them money.
  6. rprebel macrumors 6502


    Aug 22, 2010
    Where the bluebonnets bloom
    I used to have a "friend" like this. He couldn't be bothered to take care of the things I lent him, so I couldn't be bothered to return his phone calls after a while. He turned out to be a bit of a junkie, so I just moved on.

    You can always get new friends.
  7. glocke12 thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Jan 7, 2008
    Wow..sounds like this guy exactly!! I wonder if it is a personality disorder or mental illness..

    There was one time, shortly after we started hanging out that we went out to see a band play...

    I did not have cash on me, so I started a tab for myself on a credit card. At the end of the night when I went to cash out there was a $150.00 charge on there. $25.00 was for my drinks. Unbeknownst to me, this guy added his dinner, his drinks, and drinks for one of his friends onto my tab...

    Im not sure what pissed me off, the fact that he didnt ASK (had he asked I wouldnt have had that much of an issue, but still would not have let him charge $125.00 worth of food and drinks), or the fact that when I asked for my money that night I got an attitude...

    Hes not rich, but not poor either, although since I am a home owner, and own some fairly expensive things probably thinks that I am rolling in money. I do well, but there are months I still struggle..Plus, everything I own I basically worked for. Nothing was given to me.

  8. Hraggleblarg macrumors member

    Jul 14, 2010
    Protecting your assets is selfish now? Well, slap my rear and call me Scrooge. Do not ever lend out things that you don't want trashed. Never, ever. People will go out of their way to take advantage of you, otherwise. Remember that you aren't a library.

    Also, why does he need a 3k camera? Why can't he stop at a CVS and buy a disposable?
  9. (marc) macrumors 6502a


    Sep 15, 2010
    the woods
    You did the right thing.

    (On a side note, I believe in lending. There are so many things that one doesn't need constantly, so it can be shared by more than one person. As the original post shows, it takes a real friend to be able to do so.)
  10. montycat macrumors 6502


    Mar 19, 2007
    My brother in law has a neighbor that is borrowing for him constantly. Its to the point now they don't answer the door. He will wait until they come home from shopping and run over to see what they have. Here are some examples:
    -Dinning room table (he said he only needed it for 45 minutes)
    -Big screen TV for the night
    -Asked to borrow their new car for a week (they just brought it home within the hour)
    -Wanted to borrow their dogs for the afternoon
    -Thanksgiving turkey
    -Christmas Tree
    -He knew my brother in law was getting a pressure washer for his birthday and he asked to borrow it while it was still gifted wrapped.
    -Every single tool was borrowed at least twice
    I can go on forever. This neighbor is one giant PIA:eek:

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