breaking up is hard to do. Cliched, but true.

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by motulist, Aug 29, 2009.

  1. motulist macrumors 601

    motulist

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2003
    #1
    Me and my girl have been together for almost 3 years, but it's very obvious that it's over now. I've been trying to hold us together for the past few months, and I've been successful at it, but man, even though I've managed to keep us together, it's no fun at all and ultimately it's futile. If her heart isn't in it anymore, then I don't want us to be together anymore. I'd have to be literally retarded to not be aware that she's checked out of this relationship even though we're still officially together. If she takes the time to change her facebook profile photo, but hasn't emailed in a couple of days, then even a fool can see that our relationship is no longer a priority. I'm sure I could convince her that we should be in closer contact with one another, but it shouldn't be something that she gets talked in to, it should be something that she wants to do. She just moved a couple of states away, and I think we could've found a way to make it work, or at least we should've given it a shot, but whatever. One person in a relationship can pull the entire load for only so long. If she isn't willing to put in the effort to stay together any longer, then I don't want to be the one keeping us together anymore. Stick a fork in it, it's done.

    Anyway, thanks for listening to my vent. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a crowd of anonymous strangers rather than anyone you know personally.
     
  2. mickbab macrumors 65816

    mickbab

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2008
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    #2
    Sucks to hear things aren't working for you mate.
    But if it's not going to be any fun or if it no longer means as much to you, then ultimately you will have to call it quits.
    Doesn't sound like a good spot to be, but I guess it happens.
    Good luck with whatever you do.
     
  3. niuniu macrumors 68020

    niuniu

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2009
    Location:
    A man of the people. The right sort of people.
    #3
    Yeah it's tough, did you guys ever live together for any period of time? I ask because lack of progression is often a killer of good relationships. Not presuming anything btw, just chewin' the fat.
     
  4. motulist thread starter macrumors 601

    motulist

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2003
    #4

    Thanks man. Yeah, I've been awake for a long time and I'm a bit tipsy right now, so I probably didn't express myself well in that post. Just today I already decided that I'm ending it. If she's no longer willing, able or interested in doing the work that it takes to keep a relationship together, then I don't want to keep us together anymore. She's young, and she's just moved away to a brand new state, I can't blame her for currently being interested in lots of new thing instead of the good old things, but whatever the reason is makes no difference. If she isn't fully into this relationship anymore then I don't want to hold us together anymore. Let her go pursue the new exciting stuff in her life, I'm not interested in being a chore that she has to deal with. I'm gonna break it off today. I'm sure we'll both find someone new soon enough, but it sucks to see a good thing die. Because it really was a very good thing for quite a long time. Oh well, cest la vie.

    We probably would've moved in together, but she's relatively young (early twenties) and she had to stay living with her old school immigrant parents who would've disowned her if she moved in with a guy. She was born and raised in America, so she's totally American, but her parents are super old school immigrants. So we weren't able to move in together, although we talked about wanting to do it. Sometimes there are just too many cards stacked against a relationship, so it winds up not working out even though it was a very good thing and there was never any particular event that caused it to fall apart.
     
  5. niuniu macrumors 68020

    niuniu

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2009
    Location:
    A man of the people. The right sort of people.
    #5
    I remember my serious relationship with a girl in her early twenties. We were together for a year and although both of us wanted to stay together, it was impossible. She was being sent of to Madrid, and I was going to London for our studies. We tried to do the long distance thing, but like you said, too many cards stacked against us.


    Looking back, we weren't really that suitable. I can only see that now that I'm with someone I'm really compatible with. Was lonely for a lot of years though, nothing too bad, but definitely felt like I was missing something for a while.

    You'll be good, you got a sensible POV on the whole thing it seems.
     
  6. AppleMatt macrumors 68000

    AppleMatt

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    Location:
    UK
    #6
    It is crap, especially when you've invested so much into a relationship. But sounds like it's definitely over - email? Why not chatting on the phone?

    Just think of how many girls you can bang guilt-free now. That'll surely help. Everyone loves new territory.

    AppleMatt
     
  7. niuniu macrumors 68020

    niuniu

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2009
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    A man of the people. The right sort of people.
  8. andymodem macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2008
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    #8
    [​IMG] Funniest thing i've read all morning.
     
  9. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    Location Location Location
    #9

    You're probably the first person who has started a relationship thread at MR who didn't sound like a blathering idiot in the process. ;)

    This sounds like the right thing to do, based on what you said. Good luck with the breakup, and with eventual post-breakup relationships. ;)
     
  10. pengpai macrumors newbie

    pengpai

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2009
    Location:
    MARS
    #10
    man, congratulations~~you are a free man. now you can do anything you want to do
    welcome to bachelors' club!
    oh, by the way, i just seperated with my gf yesterday.
     
  11. instaxgirl macrumors 65816

    instaxgirl

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2009
    Location:
    Edinburgh, UK
    #11
    I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years on Thurs.

    Moving abroad for a year on Monday and I have no faith in long distance relationships. Worst part is we weren't really over, we could've continued how we were for ages yet :(
     
  12. ucfgrad93 macrumors P6

    ucfgrad93

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    Colorado
  13. niuniu macrumors 68020

    niuniu

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2009
    Location:
    A man of the people. The right sort of people.
    #13
    Quite a few breakups going on here it seems. You guys n gals should get together and go on an epic piss-up :p
     
  14. motulist thread starter macrumors 601

    motulist

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2003
    #14
    well, I did it. It's over. It actually wasn't that painful because I've felt like this relationship has been slowly dying for almost a year now, so it's good to finally get it over with.

    Done.

    Next!
     
  15. RED™ macrumors regular

    RED™

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Location:
    Near German Black Forest
    #15
    Count me in to the side of the ones to break up.

    And it's good to learn that there are actually guys who are man enough to accept that a relationship has ended.

    Me myself broke up with my bf a couple weeks ago and I had been absent for about 3 or more months, so for me it was not painful at all. It didn't work out and there was more than a lack of progress. And 2 years ago he broke up with me, we got together after that but you know, once you break something you can hardly get it together as beautiful it used to be.

    He saw it coming but closed his eyes to realiy. And now I'm being stalked week by week by that whiner who says he deserves a second chance. Not letting me rest. Oh my...
     
  16. Ivan P macrumors 68030

    Ivan P

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2008
    Location:
    Home
    #16
    OP, that sounds pretty much exactly what happened to me and my partner a few months back. In the end it became me and him corresponding to one another via his mother on Facebook for a few days because he just didn't want to talk to me (in fact, during that time I started a topic here about it). We apparently patched things up, and Im still not sure exactly what went on there. Then one day he randomly ended it, despite the fact that the day before was one of the best we'd ever had. Turned out he had been cheating on me with another guy, and chose them over me. I'm kind of thinking it was the great day before that had guilted him, made him realise that what he was doing was wrong and that the longer it kept up the longer it'd hurt. It ended on good terms - well, as good as it can be with a cheater - and we talked a bit for a few weeks following that. But the new guy was a terrible influence and now, last thing I've heard, my ex has turned to the drugs and everything; he used to be such an innocent guy... last time he talked to me was about a month ago now, he sent me a death threat via SMS the day before his birthday, saying "if I tried to contact him to wish him a good day then I'd regret it" (though I think it was actually the new guy that sent it)...anyway, clearly this is a lot crazier then your story and Im not intending to hijack your topic, just that I know what it's like to drift apart from someone. I know it's not a nice feeling, and even now, nearly three months on, I still miss him dearly, especially considering how much he's now changed.

    All the best mate :)

    That's almost identical to my case. We first got together about two years ago. Then he dumped me February last year. Then suddenly in September he started saying I was his boyfriend again. I was lonely and did miss him, so stupidly I accepted it. Then he just...turned into an absolute idiot, which is a shame because he used to be a great guy. And the thing is HE is the one that kept making all the decisions; he kept dumping me, he kept saying we were back together, I was expected to do what he said; in retrospect, despite the good times, I shouldve gotten out as early as I could. And now in the rare chance that he does talk to me - though quite frankly I don't want to talk to him - he tries to make it out that I'M the bad person, he totally overlooks his lies, his dishonest and, worst of all, appears to forget that he cheated on me and betrayed the trust in our relationship.
     

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