Can someone help me out with guy advice? Im puzzled

Misskitty

macrumors 6502
Original poster
Jun 18, 2010
447
2
Sorry, my apoligies for this post being so long, but just so much to say.

I can't figure out whats up with this guy and what I should do from here. We've been talking everyday non stop for the past 6 months now (text), and we've hung out twice. We didn't first hang out until a good 3 months after we started talking, and the second time was last week when we went to a movie.

The thing is that, he keeps telling me that hes very much into me and enjoys talking to me and wants to continue with what we have now. But when I try to make plans for us to do something, he always ignores it by not answering back or says "Sure, Id love that too" but doesnt follow up with anything more. He doesnt ever ask me when I would like to do something, what I would like to do, what are my plans for the weekend.

I always have to bring it up myself, and when I say "lets go to _____ this weekend"..."what are your plans for this weekend"...."what are you doing on new years"....he will tell me what his plans are, but wont ask about me.

I know he was testing me at one point to see if I really was into him, cause about a month ago, I was busy in the morning and I wasnt able to talk. I didnt hear back from him for the entire day and the next morning he said some joke like, what you dont like me anymore.

I said I was busy and I didnt hear from him so I didnt reply. He said "well we usually talk a lot more, lately we havent been talking very much." I just told him that its not that Im not very talkactive, but that Im not the kind of person who will constantly send non stop texts one after the other if the person on the other end hasnt replied back. Im just not like that. Its annoying and impatient.

Last week, we originally both agreed to do something for the weekend, I would ask what day is good for him and he would keep saying "not sure..." Nothing else. So Fri, Sat I figured he didnt want to do anything and I wasnt going to ask again. Until late Sat afternoon, he asked if I wanted to see a movie that same day, I was shocked, and I said sure.

I would have liked more notice, but whatever. I thought he was taking me out and was going to at least offer to pay, but there was no signs or implications of him at least offering so I ended up paying for both of us. I dont want to make myself look cheap and only pay for myself. He didnt offer anything, not even the common courteous "are you sure?...ok, next time is on me...Ill pay for myself at least....well thats very nice of you" which I ALWAYS DO if someone offers to pay for me for anything, because its being being polite and courteous. In fact if someone else offers to pay for me, I always insist on at least offering to pay my share. Maybe Im the only one who always does this?

Also, he didnt even say thanks what so ever. I was not impressed. I know sometimes people can forget to say thanks, but still....saying thanks is generally not something that people tend to forget to say. Maybe you guys disagree. I could give him the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he did forget, but also he probably knew about it and intentionally avoided saying thanks.

After the movie, he said that he still wants to go see this play with me that we've been talking about. Its playing until after the new year and he's like "I got free tickets from work for both of us." I thought hmmmm. I asked when he wanted to go, and again, he just gave me a vague answer "Dont know yet, I'll have to see." Before this, he also told me that he wants to go do these Christmas activities together, and when I asked him when he wanted to go...he would just give me the "Not sure yet"

Well we continued heavily talking for the few days after the movie, but I started to get a feeling that hes playing games with me and toying with me. Because when I ask how his day is, he will tell me, but wont ask about me. I asked how his Christmas eve dinner was and about his party at his moms house over Christmas, and he would tell me, but wouldnt ask a single question about me and what I was doing, and who I was having over. I was bored to be quite honest. I just felt like Ive been talking to myself.

Couple days ago, I asked what his NYE plans were and if he wanted to hang out and he didnt reply back and ignored the question. Couple days after, he said hi again, but totally ignored the question. So I think that could be the final sign as far as him not interested in hanging out. I aint asking anymore. We talked briefly some more for that day, and then I got the same vibe. I feel like im talking to myself. I was just fed up so before bed, I said have a good night (which I never say, so he probably took it as a farewell goodbye). Its been a day now and I havent heard from him and I havent text him with hi how are you, good morning like we usually do in the mornings.

I dont know what to do. Hes probably thinking now "Oh I havent heard from her....Im assuming shes no longer interested in me" when thats obviously not the case. He hasnt heard from me, cause Im not getting a good vibe to be honest and if hes just talking to me, just to be nice, then just tell me because Im looking for someone who wants to hang out and go do stuff, not just text everyday for the sake of talking to another human being. If thats want he wants, then we can just be strictly pen pals who never hang out.
 
Last edited:

thejadedmonkey

macrumors G3
May 28, 2005
8,186
1,187
Pennsylvania
He probably had you and someone else, and he was leaning towards someone else, but you caught his eye. Or maybe he's just not interested and doesn't know how to say so. I'd let it drop, I don't think you'll get anywhere with him and possibly end up coming off clingy.
 

Apple fanboy

macrumors Westmere
Feb 21, 2012
37,980
27,317
Behind the Lens, UK
Sorry, my apoligies for this post being so long, but just so much to say.

I can't figure out whats up with this guy and what I should do from here. We've been talking everyday non stop for the past 6 months now (text), and we've hung out twice. We didn't first hang out until a good 3 months after we started talking, and the second time was last week when we went to a movie.

The thing is that, he keeps telling me that hes very much into me and enjoys talking to me and wants to continue with what we have now. But when I try to make plans for us to do something, he always ignores it by not answering back or says "Sure, Id love that too" but doesnt follow up with anything more. He doesnt ever ask me when I would like to do something, what I would like to do, what are my plans for the weekend.

I always have to bring it up myself, and when I say "lets go to _____ this weekend"..."what are your plans for this weekend"...."what are you doing on new years"....he will tell me what his plans are, but wont ask about me.

I know he was testing me at one point to see if I really was into him, cause about a month ago, I was busy in the morning and I wasnt able to talk. I didnt hear back from him for the entire day and the next morning he said some joke like, what you dont like me anymore.

I said I was busy and I didnt hear from him so I didnt reply. He said "well we usually talk a lot more, lately we havent been talking very much." I just told him that its not that Im not very talkactive, but that Im not the kind of person who will constantly send non stop texts one after the other if the person on the other end hasnt replied back. Im just not like that. Its annoying and impatient.

Last week, we originally both agreed to do something for the weekend, I would ask what day is good for him and he would keep saying "not sure..." Nothing else. So Fri, Sat I figured he didnt want to do anything and I wasnt going to ask again. Until late Sat afternoon, he asked if I wanted to see a movie that same day and I said sure. I would have liked more notice, but whatever. I thought he was taking me out and was going to offer to pay, but there was no signs or implications of him at least offering so I ended up paying for both of us, and he didnt even say thanks.

After the movie, he said that he still wants to go see this play with me that we've been talking about. Its playing until after the new year and he's like "I got free tickets from work for both of us." I thought hmmmm. I asked when he wanted to go, and again, he just gave me a vague answer "Dont know yet, I'll have to see." Before this, he also told me that he wants to go do these Christmas activities together, and when I asked him when he wanted to go...he would just give me the "Not sure yet"

Well we continued heavily talking for the few days after the movie, but I started to get a feeling that hes playing games with me and toying with me. Because when I ask how his day is, he will tell me, but wont ask about me. I asked how his Christmas eve dinner was and about his party at his moms house over Christmas, and he would tell me, but wouldnt ask a single question about me and what I was doing, and who I was having over. I was bored to be quite honest. I just felt like Ive been talking to myself.

Couple days ago, I asked what his NYE plans were and if he wanted to hang out and he didnt reply back and ignored the question. Couple days after, he said hi again, but totally ignored the question. So I think that could be the final sign as far as him not interested in hanging out. I aint asking anymore. We talked briefly some more for that day, and then I got the same vibe. I feel like im talking to myself. I was just fed up so before bed, I said have a good night. Its been a day now and I havent heard from him and I havent text him with hi how are you, good morning like we usually do in the mornings.

I dont know what to do. Hes probably thinking now "Oh I havent heard from her....Im assuming shes no longer interested in me" when thats obviously not the case. He hasnt heard from me, cause Im not getting a good vibe to be honest and if hes just talking to me, just to be nice, then just tell me because Im looking for someone who wants to hang out and go to stuff, not just text everyday for the sake of talking.
Hard to say of course from the above, but he doesn't sound like a keeper to me. If he doesn't contact you or arrange things (except at the last minute) sounds to me like you are playing second fiddle to someone else.

Of course whilst you are hoping for this relationship to develop, your not looking elsewhere for something else.

My advice would be to move on. When my wife and I started dating I would talk to her everyday for hours at a time (we lived at opposite ends of the country). If he blows hot and cold at the start, what's it going to be like in a few months time?
 

Misskitty

macrumors 6502
Original poster
Jun 18, 2010
447
2
He probably had you and someone else, and he was leaning towards someone else, but you caught his eye. Or maybe he's just not interested and doesn't know how to say so. I'd let it drop, I don't think you'll get anywhere with him and possibly end up coming off clingy.
Thats what my guess initially was to, but even though I never flat out asked if he was seeing or talking to someone else, he did tell me on a couple occasions that hes only interested in getting to know me, and that hes been putting off other girls in place of me and seeing where we go together.

Hard to say of course from the above, but he doesn't sound like a keeper to me. If he doesn't contact you or arrange things (except at the last minute) sounds to me like you are playing second fiddle to someone else.

Of course whilst you are hoping for this relationship to develop, your not looking elsewhere for something else.

My advice would be to move on. When my wife and I started dating I would talk to her everyday for hours at a time (we lived at opposite ends of the country). If he blows hot and cold at the start, what's it going to be like in a few months time?
And this is why Im not a huge fan of building relationships and getting to know someone through strictly text. I honestly dont even know if you can properly get into a relationship through strictly text. You can only do so much. You cant see, hear, feel a persons emotions, what theyre currently thinking or feeling through text. These smilies dont count! With face to face interaction, its so much more that texts will never have.

What really throws me off, is that when we do meet in person, I can tell hes very much into me. Lots eye contact, body language, etc.
 

firedept

macrumors 603
Jul 8, 2011
5,753
639
Somewhere!
Move on. If he was interested in you he would hang on your every word. He would look forward to hearing from you and asking about you. There are many men out there that will treat you like a queen. Find one and enjoy them.
 

Ann P

macrumors 68020
Jun 29, 2009
2,311
9
California
You had to pay for your movie ticket, and his? Anyway, it doesn't sound like he's ready for a serious relationship. Sounds a bit immature in my opinion.

Unless you want to be the only one putting in the effort..I'd move on.
 

bruinsrme

macrumors 604
Oct 26, 2008
6,596
2,350
I would say move on unless you are motivated by the thrill of the catch instead of someone that is wiling to put you first.
 

maflynn

Moderator
Staff member
May 3, 2009
66,818
33,791
Boston
Im not getting a good vibe to be honest.
As rdowns posted, trust your gut. Don't force anything in the relationship. I'd say if he's really cool to the idea of meeting or dating you, then its not worth the effort in continuing to build a relationship.
 

NewbieCanada

macrumors 68030
Oct 9, 2007
2,574
35
Listen to the wisest advice ever given on Sex in the City - he's not that into you. I don't care what signs you think you're seeing with eye contact and body language when you're together. If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. The only person saying "no" to that is him.

If someone is interested in you, they'll let you know. Sometimes women are socialized to believe it's not proper for them to show their interest and they confuse the people who are interested in them, but do you know who's never socialized to not got after what they want? Men. If he wanted you, he'd be going after you.

I really can't imagine why you'd even want him.

You're looking for an answer from him, but you're not going to get one. He's not going to tell you he's not interested. You're not going to get closure from this guy. Just drop him. Without a word. And you'll see that you never hear from him again. He doesn't even care enough to check why you aren't still chasing him.
 

LostSoul80

macrumors 68020
Jan 25, 2009
2,136
7
It'd feel awkward to go on a date with a person that I have been in continuous contact with for months.
In my opinion, it's way too late to do anything. There is no reciprocal interest. You may as well try with other guys and give him up. It's not like there's a scarcity or anything.
 

efpierce

macrumors newbie
Dec 27, 2013
16
0
He sounds like he has some serious social issues and maybe he has good reasons for it, but it's not your job to stick around and find out.
 

redAPPLE

macrumors 68030
May 7, 2002
2,616
2
2 Much Infinite Loops
i actually love this. i mean, thank god some women get to feel what we guys feels sometimes.

not knowing where we stand.

my suggestion would be, do not pressure yourself.

but anyway, wish you the best, but i still love your situation.
 

rmhop81

macrumors 68020
Apr 4, 2005
2,249
103
Dallas, TX
Sorry, my apoligies for this post being so long, but just so much to say.

I can't figure out whats up with this guy and what I should do from here. We've been talking everyday non stop for the past 6 months now (text), and we've hung out twice. We didn't first hang out until a good 3 months after we started talking, and the second time was last week when we went to a movie.

The thing is that, he keeps telling me that hes very much into me and enjoys talking to me and wants to continue with what we have now. But when I try to make plans for us to do something, he always ignores it by not answering back or says "Sure, Id love that too" but doesnt follow up with anything more. He doesnt ever ask me when I would like to do something, what I would like to do, what are my plans for the weekend.

I always have to bring it up myself, and when I say "lets go to _____ this weekend"..."what are your plans for this weekend"...."what are you doing on new years"....he will tell me what his plans are, but wont ask about me.

I know he was testing me at one point to see if I really was into him, cause about a month ago, I was busy in the morning and I wasnt able to talk. I didnt hear back from him for the entire day and the next morning he said some joke like, what you dont like me anymore.

I said I was busy and I didnt hear from him so I didnt reply. He said "well we usually talk a lot more, lately we havent been talking very much." I just told him that its not that Im not very talkactive, but that Im not the kind of person who will constantly send non stop texts one after the other if the person on the other end hasnt replied back. Im just not like that. Its annoying and impatient.

Last week, we originally both agreed to do something for the weekend, I would ask what day is good for him and he would keep saying "not sure..." Nothing else. So Fri, Sat I figured he didnt want to do anything and I wasnt going to ask again. Until late Sat afternoon, he asked if I wanted to see a movie that same day, I was shocked, and I said sure.

I would have liked more notice, but whatever. I thought he was taking me out and was going to at least offer to pay, but there was no signs or implications of him at least offering so I ended up paying for both of us. I dont want to make myself look cheap and only pay for myself. He didnt offer anything, not even the common courteous "are you sure?...ok, next time is on me...Ill pay for myself at least....well thats very nice of you" which I ALWAYS DO if someone offers to pay for me for anything, because its being being polite and courteous. In fact if someone else offers to pay for me, I always insist on at least offering to pay my share. Maybe Im the only one who always does this?

Also, he didnt even say thanks what so ever. I was not impressed. I know sometimes people can forget to say thanks, but still....saying thanks is generally not something that people tend to forget to say. Maybe you guys disagree. I could give him the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he did forget, but also he probably knew about it and intentionally avoided saying thanks.

After the movie, he said that he still wants to go see this play with me that we've been talking about. Its playing until after the new year and he's like "I got free tickets from work for both of us." I thought hmmmm. I asked when he wanted to go, and again, he just gave me a vague answer "Dont know yet, I'll have to see." Before this, he also told me that he wants to go do these Christmas activities together, and when I asked him when he wanted to go...he would just give me the "Not sure yet"

Well we continued heavily talking for the few days after the movie, but I started to get a feeling that hes playing games with me and toying with me. Because when I ask how his day is, he will tell me, but wont ask about me. I asked how his Christmas eve dinner was and about his party at his moms house over Christmas, and he would tell me, but wouldnt ask a single question about me and what I was doing, and who I was having over. I was bored to be quite honest. I just felt like Ive been talking to myself.

Couple days ago, I asked what his NYE plans were and if he wanted to hang out and he didnt reply back and ignored the question. Couple days after, he said hi again, but totally ignored the question. So I think that could be the final sign as far as him not interested in hanging out. I aint asking anymore. We talked briefly some more for that day, and then I got the same vibe. I feel like im talking to myself. I was just fed up so before bed, I said have a good night (which I never say, so he probably took it as a farewell goodbye). Its been a day now and I havent heard from him and I havent text him with hi how are you, good morning like we usually do in the mornings.

I dont know what to do. Hes probably thinking now "Oh I havent heard from her....Im assuming shes no longer interested in me" when thats obviously not the case. He hasnt heard from me, cause Im not getting a good vibe to be honest and if hes just talking to me, just to be nice, then just tell me because Im looking for someone who wants to hang out and go do stuff, not just text everyday for the sake of talking to another human being. If thats want he wants, then we can just be strictly pen pals who never hang out.
Judging from this lengthy post and the 30+ threads you've created in less than 30 days that you may be a tad clingy and starved for attention? I could be wrong, but the signs are strong on this one ;)
 
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