Change your personality

[MultiM]

I love the "Nurture vs Nature" argument. From my perspective, they are the same thing. Nowhere in nature does change not occur; It can be forced, cajoled, and completely random. The same with a nuturing parent or environment.

I think part of the trick is to view all events as neutral. The significance of that event is created by me, the individual. Whether I see it as funny or sad, good or bad, hurtful or joyful, is entirely up to me. I have that choice. Regardless of outside infuences, the perspective, the CHOICE of that perspective, is MINE.

The first choice is to become accountable. I am responsible for my reactions. I am accountable for my actions. Nobody 'made' me do this or that, or feel this way or that way. I chose. I am reponsible. I am NOT responsible for how you feel; for what you do, think, or say. Your actions are a result of your choices.

So to the OP: Yes. Absolutely. Been there, done that. If you want to change someing you don't like about yourself, then do it. Don't TRY to do it. There is no such thing as "try'. You either do it, or you don't.

Good luck, and have fun!

 

[Stridder44]

Do you think there is a way to change your personality? I'm referring to significant, long term change. I mean, once the major parts of your personality are set, are they essentially set for good? I don't think it's possible, but I think people try all the time. I think that people who are essentially good people are always good. Maybe they're robbing stores or something, people with a kind heart will always have a soft heart. People who are dishonest deep down will always be like that. Ok, there are some exceptions, but generally, your fundamental personality was likely set by the time you reached high school.

Is there anything you want to change about yourself that you'd consider to be a major change? I have a few things.

I know that for anything to truly take effect or to become a habit you have to do it for roughly 30 days. For example, if you're a pretty shy guy and want to be more confident, you should try making eye contact with every girl you meet or cross paths with, and then smile (nothing stupid or cheesy, you don't even need to show teeth) or say hi. That's it. It's nothing more than 5 seconds maybe. If you continue doing this you'd eventually begin to do it to everyone. In turn, people would take you more seriously because you seem like someone with confidence and self-esteem. This would change how people perceive you and you'd notice, and continue playing the role until one day you realize you are part of that role you were once playing. Then suddenly you're a bigger man than you once were. Is this a personality change? Well, I guess it's more of an attitude change really. But you get my point.

 

[superbovine]

A lot of people would agree with you on that one -- there is also a lot of stigma attached to seeing a mental health professional.

But.. they can help you the best. They have the tools and knowledge. Perhaps one of the challenges for you to change will be summing up the courage to go see one. I know it was for me, when I began to deal with problems with anxiety. (But I am so glad I found that courage..)

When I started going to therapy I was ashamed to sit in the waiting room for the first few months, but it worth it.

 

[MacNut]

I think your core personality is set as a kid and no matter what you do that is the person you will be.

 

[srf4real]

Well, it's great to see you're back on the right track I guess that little bit of the "old you" in necessary to make sure you don't fall go in that direction again, right?

Thanks, glad to be here! I must admit that the psychic change is not complete, but thorough enough to keep me away from the trouble of addiction. I still lust after women.

As a matter of interest, did you carry any friends over from one life to the other?

I had no friends, only accomplices. Besides my family who have stayed by me, and some friends of early childhood, I associate with a different crowd these days. Funny, the people I thought were my friends before forgot me quickly when I wasn't scoring with them anymore...

 

[Abstract]

Good topic. I'm interested, what things would you like to change? I have a few things as well. Nothing serious or anything, but minor things that get me down/annoy me sometimes.

#1: Thanks. I almost never come up with serious topics. Most of mine are about "shaving", impotency, or sometimes even classier.

#2: What I want to change is this: I hate being wrong and make up excuses rather than admitting it. Sometimes I admit that I'm wrong, but more often than not, I make up excuses that are completely plausible or could have contributed to (for example) my inability to do something, but is just as likely to be an excuse.


And about the travelling thing: I travel all the time. If you read my posts over the past 3 weeks, I was actually in Japan! With my posting rate at around 5 posts per day over that time, it was like I never left. Anyway, I travel all the time. I was also in Tasmania in November. I do see your point about your true inner self coming out when you're not in your comfort zone. It's also a good time to see whether you and your girlfriend/boyfriend are actually a good match, because travelling with your gf/bf is much different than sitting at home together and making out. You actually have to do stuff and make many decisions, usually together as a couple travelling together rather than decisions for yourself. How you come to decide on things is usually a good test of compatibility, I think.

 

[TequilaBoobs]

in case anyone was wondering, psychologists have boiled down all the personality traits into 5 measures: Neuroticism, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, and Openness to Experience.


How do you measure up?

 

[kalisphoenix]

I love the "Nurture vs Nature" argument. From my perspective, they are the same thing. Nowhere in nature does change not occur; It can be forced, cajoled, and completely random. The same with a nuturing parent or environment.

I think of it as the initial variables for a chaotic system. Everything is an initial variable, even if it didn't exist before it affected you. Some have tiny coefficients, some have large ones.

But it's amazing how much a single thing -- a small thing -- one lecture or argument -- can change a person's life.