The rumor now is that the iP5 announcement will be held in the coat closet at Apple headquarters to protect the presenter (first line engineering manager, Hardly Able) from the swarm of Apple fanboys with pitch forks. Steve Jobs and new CEO Tim Cook will provide press releases that they hate the new iPhone and knew nothing of the plans for it until yesterday. Ios5 will be delayed until they have a piece of hardware that can use it. Meanwhile they have entered negotiations with Samsung to actually license Sams patents rather than arrogantly using them. HP has inquired about buying ios5 to use with their new EBay branded line of used phones newly removed from new stock warehouses and opened so they can be sold cheap to raise money before firing Meg because she it's discovered she is having an affair with HP chairman and both are having threesomes with Carley. The spaceship campus has been redesigned as a used space shuttle launch pad. The shuttle has been bought from the Smithsonian. No landing facilities are included because there is no plan to return the Apple board and CEO to earth in the near future. By Christmas it will be announced that Goldman Sachs has been hired to find a leveraged buyout firm to purchase the remnants of Apple and eventually take it public as a major lawn care company. Big trouble here folks. Take off your la-la glasses and look around you.