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college and my girlfriend

Finlandboy

Finlandboy

macrumors 6502
Original poster
Oct 14, 2007
291
0
Indianapolis, IN
ok let me fill you in, so me and my girlfriend are going off to different colleges next year. the colleges are about an hour and 15 mins apart. i would love to go to the same college with her, but her family can't afford the college im going to (crap, my family can barely afford it, lol) and im going there to play soccer. so basically we are going to separate colleges and no way around it right now.

i was wondering if anyone here has been in a similar situation or had a long 'distance' (even tho its not too terribly far) relationship like this and how you were able to keep your relationship going strong and together.

we text each other all day, and we talk on the phone usually at night, im planning on getting my own car this summer so i could visit when i needed to, and i was going to set her up so that we could web chat.

please don't give me the "just break up with her" answer. we have been 'officially' (lol) dating around 4 months, but been an item, i guess you could say, for almost a year. i genuinely have feelings for her that have grown this past year and i am not with her for any specific reason or personal gain other than i love her. (sorry for the mushy love part, :D, but i am crazy about her)

so in conclusion i wanted to hear any advice or tips that i could use

:), thanx


p.s.-i can't believe i posted this
 
An hour drive isn't really that bad. I think it takes that long just to make it across some of the bigger cities in the US with traffic. Give it a shot.
 
Think very carefully about whether you're well suited for each other, even right now, let alone the future. Before you invest too much time, money and other resources into a long distance relationship, be sure it's something you want to take part in. How do you think you'll view it five years from now? Ten years? And so on. I know it seems like a long time ago, but five years is now long past for me and ten years is just around the corner. I know I wish I'd made a different decision than I did (one that involved some form of acknowledging that a high school relationship was all we were meant for, and it was time to move along).
 
I currently live about 2 hours from my girlfriend and we find ways to meet up. Some weeks I visit her, some weeks she visits me, and other weeks we meet halfway. I say talk to her about it, and you both can come up with some kind of arrangement. Definitely don't break up over something like this. It'll be hard, but if you truly care for each other it will work out.


PS: I've posted crazier stuff. :p
 
SilentPanda said:
An hour drive isn't really that bad. I think it takes that long just to make it across some of the bigger cities in the US with traffic. Give it a shot.
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yah i agree with you, its just ill be playing soccer there, have a job, and be dealing with school. i assume it wont take all my time...but...i dont know... i haven't experienced college life and a college life schedule, lol
 
you're not too far from her. once you have a car you could make weekly trips if it's in the budget. make sure you keep the communication going by talking on the phone/texting/web chat/email/even writing real letters would be sweet. communication is key.
sounds like you'll both be busy at college but maybe you could try to have a movie night together. watch it at the same time and talk about it over the phone. doing things together even though you're far apart really does help.
 
That's hardly long distance. Lots of people have to commute for that long or more, even living in the same city. So don't worry about the distance.

What's more of a concern is college, full stop. Going away to school is a big life change, and you may find that you're not as well suited for one another as you think now. Or the reverse may hold true. I've had plenty of friends maintain LD relationships while in college, and seen plenty fail. I can say, the ones that work talk often, but it sounds like you've got that covered. ;)

But don't sweat the distance.
 
Marry her ;)
Married my wife in England after only "officially dating" for about 3 months. She still had to complete college after we were married so she would go to school monday-thursday and then spend friday-sunday with me at our home 3 hrs away from her school where I was stationed on active duty in the Air Force.
 
luminosity said:
Think very carefully about whether you're well suited for each other, even right now, let alone the future. Before you invest too much time, money and other resources into a long distance relationship, be sure it's something you want to take part in. How do you think you'll view it five years from now? Ten years? And so on. I know it seems like a long time ago, but five years is now long past for me and ten years is just around the corner. I know I wish I'd made a different decision than I did (one that involved some form of acknowledging that a high school relationship was all we were meant for, and it was time to move along).
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thanx for the advice, we have both thought about and talked about this. we truly feel that we are perfect for each other (yes, i understand we are both 18yrs old and not fully matured) but i've never been one to date someone because i just had a crush them or thought they were attractive and i've always looked for relationships in which i had true feelings for the girl (which is why i've had a total of 4 girlfriends and im not ashamed to admit it, lol) and i know i have true feelings for her....i don't know what the future holds for us, but i plan to try everything in my power to keep us together.

2056 said:
sounds like you'll both be busy at college but maybe you could try to have a movie night together. watch it at the same time and talk about it over the phone. doing things together even though you're far apart really does help.
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thats a pretty unique/great idea, thanx
 
From my experience, once you get into college - especially if you move away to live on/near the campus - you get an entirely new set of friends and leave your high school friends behind. Same thing with the girlfriend.

When I went to college, my gf and I split up after about two months. We had been together for about 4-5 months, neither of us had started seeing other people, but when you go off to college you change - not necessarily for good or for bad, but you just become a different person. So we very amicably parted ways one weekend during my first semester.

If it's meant to be with you and your girlfriend, you'll find a way. If it's not, you most likely won't be all that broken up over it. At this point, it's probably best not to worry about it.
 
Tomorrow said:
From my experience, once you get into college - especially if you move away to live on/near the campus - you get an entirely new set of friends and leave your high school friends behind. Same thing with the girlfriend.

When I went to college, my gf and I split up after about two months. We had been together for about 4-5 months, neither of us had started seeing other people, but when you go off to college you change - not necessarily for good or for bad, but you just become a different person. So we very amicably parted ways one weekend during my first semester.

If it's meant to be with you and your girlfriend, you'll find a way. If it's not, you most likely won't be all that broken up over it. At this point, it's probably best not to worry about it.
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yah, i understand what you mean, and i wont know till i actually experience it all.....but at this point i want to try everything to keep us going strong
 
College life and all the growing up you'll do in the next 4 years will be life changing. I wouldn't be surprised if you two ended up going down completely different paths. That's what happened when my HS girlfriend and me split up senior year. To be honest, we're both better for it and completely opposite now.

However, if you were 24 and talking about jobs being that distance, and you were looking to be serious, it'd be different.
 
Hey man i got to tell you that this will be the test. my fiance and i started dating when she was 19. i met her a year before she went into college. she was taking a year off after high school. i was going to school in Boston and she was going to attend RISD. it's about an hour drive same as you. i think taht year apart was really when we found out that we wanted to be together forever;) luckily i transferred to Brown the following year for my remaining 2.5 years. i remember people telling us that we were dumb or too young but if it is meant to happen it will. and 4 years later we are engaged to be married. dont get me wrong it wasnt all puppy dogs and rainbows over that year. we had a few times that we "broke up" but every time we came back together because we just couldnt live without each other. ok im going to stop.:p good luck to you dude and from someone that has been there i wish you guys the best of luck.
 
My girlfriend and I broke up spring semester senior year of high school, it was mutual because we both realized that we wanted to test the waters of college and dive in unattached.

I have a bunch of friends who came to school with girlfriends and boyfriends from high school with the goal of keeping things together. Only one of my friends has made it with his girlfriend...and while they're still together it just seems that he hasn't had some of the experiences that the rest of us have had that I'd consider important moments in a college experience.

I'm not saying that you should break up, but you also shouldn't make a huge deal out of it this summer...you'll find that there are plenty of fish in the sea when you get to college.
 
*raises hand* I've been in a similar situation with my girlfriend for the past 5 years. Went to the same college for 2 years, saw each other every day and it was great. Then 5 years of only seeing each other every 2-4 weeks. But she graduates next month so I'm quite over the moon :).

We survived. If you have a solid relationship then I wouldn't worry about it. We both formed friendships with entirely different people but we always had each other, and we always disliked each others friends but in a mutual way, heh. You find out new things about yourself, you engage in new activities whenever you go somewhere new like college or university but it doesn't mean you have to drop your partner. Hell just get them involved, and get involved in theirs!

We ring each other every night, even if its just for goodnight. We have the occasional webcam chat or play a round or 2 in Team Fortress 2 or Left4Dead.

Also I wouldn't worry about the 18year old thing. Me and my girlfriend met at 16 and knew it was going to last. We're both 23 now. But it does work, if you want it to!
 
SilentPanda said:
An hour drive isn't really that bad. I think it takes that long just to make it across some of the bigger cities in the US with traffic. Give it a shot.
Click to expand...

True. An hour's drive is not bad at all and is completely do-able. Here's the thing though...

Tomorrow said:
From my experience, once you get into college - especially if you move away to live on/near the campus - you get an entirely new set of friends and leave your high school friends behind. Same thing with the girlfriend. ...But when you go off to college you change - not necessarily for good or for bad, but you just become a different person.
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This is also very true. You will find that college is a very different experience and you will find many new friends, and with that, girls. Sometimes it's hard to make this switch, especially when you've got a girlfriend at another school. But believe me, there's many, many other girls out there. If you were to break up, it sucks, but sometimes it's the better of the two choices.
 
Finlandboy said:
yah i agree with you, its just ill be playing soccer there, have a job, and be dealing with school. i assume it wont take all my time...but...i dont know... i haven't experienced college life and a college life schedule, lol
Click to expand...

Or college life parties, or college life girls, etc. This is something you both need to think about, and give it some time.
 
The problem here isn't the distance. I've dated a girl that lived an hour away from me and while it wasn't ideal, it wasn't a huge problem - I was more than willing to make the drive to see her any time of the day or night. However, for most people, their life changes pretty significantly when they go to college, are living in a new place, meeting new people, experiencing new things, etc.

There's a real possibility that you two are going to grow apart, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, even if you two have a good relationship. I'm not telling you to break up with her, but now is the time to be seriously thinking about whether or not she's "the one" (or close enough).
 
You might not want to hear this, but distance, especially at a young age (college age is young!), is hard. It is totally possible to keep a relationship going, but you have to ask yourself if it is worth it.

Usually college is a whole new stage of life for most people with new friends and new girls/guys. I did the distance thing, gf and I at different universities for about 18 months. It was worth it, but when I was finally free again I had some great times.

See how it goes. There might just be too many cute girls at your new college. Depends how much you trust yourself too.
 
My thoughts on your situation would be that the two of you need to sit down and have a real talk about your expectations. A common thing that damages "distance" relationships is pressure. Going to college is a great experience and both of you need to have the freedom to fully engage in that experience. I'm not talking about dating other people, but simply having a mutual understanding that due to the distance and the competing schedules, responsibilities, etc. that this will be very different from the way things are now. The last thing either of you want is the other becoming frustrated or paranoid because someone had unrealistic expectations about _____________. You fill in the blank, some people get upset because you didn't call when you where supposed to or they heard you did... with your friends, or your athletics seem to be more important than they are. I'm not trying to discourage you because as others have stated long distance relationships with competing schedules can and do work. But, you must make communication, respect, cooperation, and trust a priority.
 
The real question is how does she feel? I mean, she's going off to college too, she deserves some of the experience, can you really trust her after only having a high school relationship? I'm just playing the devils advocate, but the girls in college are much better than what you find in high school, not to mention there are just plain more of them.

Try it for a while, but I was with a girl for 2.5 years of college and I want to go back in time and kick myself in the nuts. Those 1.5 years where I wasn't tied down was the best time of my life. It's nice having a girlfriend, but try the single thing, or you'll despise college. Do the cliche thing and "take a break." It'll give you both time to get acclimated and make a more educated choice.
 
pb1300 said:
Or college life parties, or college life girls, etc. This is something you both need to think about, and give it some time.
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yah, i thought about that, but me and her have been going to our same school for 5 years together (i've been going there for 13 yrs, lol) so i know her and how she is....and neither of us are big into the party scene and drinking, and the friends she has at her college are pretty innocent them selves...granted i understand that we will change in college, but im not to worried about the wild college life....
 
My wife and I started dating when she lived and hour and a half away. I played lacrosse through college. When I was not playing I would drive down to visit, and when I had games she would come up. There were weekends where we did no get to see eachother and it can make your relationship grow. 2 years later we were living in the same city then got married and we just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary (May 31st).

On the other hand, college is a time where people grow and change. Stay together as long as it is fun, if not, you will meet somebody even better.
 
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. 1 month after we started, he had to do an internship 5 hours train ride from me. In retrospect, it was really okay because we usually spent the weekends together, at his place or mine.

Then he came back after about 4-5 months and was at home for 8 months. Now he is 800km away and we see each other every 4-7 weeks. It's tough but it works, you get used to it pretty quickly.

In August, I'll go to the US for my international semester and we won't see each other at all for at least 2 months (we'll have to see if he can afford to visit me). I'm pretty scared but my motto is: If it's supposed to work, it will. If not then I had a fantastic time for more than 2 years.
 
Split the distance

If you truly think that this relationship might go the distance, why not get an apartment somewhere in between the two colleges. 30 minute drive to get to school and 30 minute drive to get home for both of you. Won't seem like that big of a distance.

I know more than a few couples that were high school sweathearts that are still together and I'm in my late 30's. I'm not saying that this will happen to you, but I'm not saying that it won't either.

When you find the right "someone", you'd be a fool to let it go.

For what it's worth....
 
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