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College dating

greygray

greygray

macrumors 68000
Original poster
Oct 22, 2009
1,848
1
So my nephew came to me this morning and asked me for advice on this. Being a very young father, I have NO experience on this and would like to seek the general community's advice. Here goes.

My nephew is in the same class as this girl. He got to know her for only 2 weeks and he's having a crush on her. They both like the same stuff (strawberry cheesecake). Whenever he sends her a text, she'll pepper the message with many "haha"s and smileys. He wants to ask her out, but doesn't know how since she's from the same class and he's shy.

Please help him answer these 2 questions:

1) Should he wait till her birthday to give her a gift and ask her out or just ask her out before her birthday?

2) How should he behave such that the girl will know that he likes her?

Help share advice please! :)
 
greygray said:
1) Should he wait till her birthday to give her a gift and ask her out or just ask her out before her birthday?
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Ask her out before her birthday. If she isn't into him, it won't make her birthday terribly pleasant if she has to feel bad about rejecting someone for a date that she was just interested in being friends with.

greygray said:
2) How should he behave such that the girl will know that he likes her?
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He should really just ask her out. It might be hard for him to do since he is shy, but the simplest and most direct way to put this to rest is just to ask her out for coffee or dinner or something of the sort (I wouldn't do a movie, doesn't encourage conversation on a first date; it would be good to have some form of entertainment/distraction, however, because it can be difficult to carry an interesting conversation for a 2-3-4 hour period of time). All he really has to do is ask her if she is doing anything on X day and, if not, if she'd like to grab some dinner.
 
Just ask her out before her birthday. This is the definitive way to get her to realise that he likes her. Don't do a movie or dinner. Most girls i have come across don't like eating in front of other people that they have only really just met / are trying to impress. Drink is good.
 
Coffee/Drink/Party

Invite her to do any of the above. He's already got her number. He's halfway to asking her out.

Tell him to not do it on her birthday. Please.
 
rhsgolfer33 said:
Ask her out before her birthday. If she isn't into him, it won't make her birthday terribly pleasant if she has to feel bad about rejecting someone for a date that she was just interested in being friends with.



He should really just ask her out. It might be hard for him to do since he is shy, but the simplest and most direct way to put this to rest is just to ask her out for coffee or dinner or something of the sort (I wouldn't do a movie, doesn't encourage conversation on a first date; it would be good to have some form of entertainment/distraction, however, because it can be difficult to carry an interesting conversation for a 2-3-4 hour period of time). All he really has to do is ask her if she is doing anything on X day and, if not, if she'd like to grab some dinner.
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I agree with this one. She may already have plans for her bday so if she says no, he might think she doesn't like him. Also, if it turns out to be a bad one, then he at least didn't ruin her bday. Having a crush on someone doesn't mean that the relationship is going to work out and you usually crush on her look or other easily noticeable thing, not on the personality as you would have to know her for longer time.

Coffee would be ideal because then there wouldn't be other people affecting the date and talking and learning the other person is IMO the most important thing in the first date.

Just tell him to be himself and act like himself. Girls come and go on that age...
 
I'm a girl so I hope my suggestions would help your nephew :)

®îçhå®? said:
Just ask her out before her birthday. This is the definitive way to get her to realise that he likes her. Don't do a movie or dinner. Most girls i have come across don't like eating in front of other people that they have only really just met / are trying to impress. Drink is good.
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Wow I'm glad that some guys actually think that way! Aometimes I just don't feel comfortable eating in front of guys that I'm not really close to. Usually that's because girls are afraid that their eating behaviors would go wrong (stuff like food stuck in teeth or saliva spitting out).

Badandy said:
Coffee/Drink/Party

Invite her to do any of the above. He's already got her number. He's halfway to asking her out.

Tell him to not do it on her birthday. Please.
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I second that. Coffee/drinks is a really good way to get the conversation going. A more chilling atmosphere than having meals together. Party is also a good option since you can see another side of her.

1. I would say date her before her birthday. And if she responded as if she likes him too, you can plan for something else on her birthday.

2. Girls are usually very smart at noting whether a guy likes her or not. If she acted like she really didn't know, chances are she's just playing dumb. So if he's being exceptionally nice to her, or being very observant, the girl would get the signs.

Good luck to your nephew! And let us know what happens later! :)
 
College? Your nephew sounds as if he's 13. :p


Tell him to do it before the birthday. The birthday is all about her. If she wants to say "yes", then I suppose it doesn't ruin anything. However, if she wants to say no, then this would be a huge downer.
 
Abstract said:
College? Your nephew sounds as if he's 13. :p


Tell him to do it before the birthday. The birthday is all about her. If she wants to say "yes", then I suppose it doesn't ruin anything. However, if she wants to say no, then this would be a huge downer.
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He is in college. As his crush's birthday was during the school holidays, there would also be supplementary classes during the first 2 weeks of holidays. He wants to ask if he should give her a birthday gift attached with a card about his thoughts about her.

Thoughts? :eek:
 
Unless the gift is less than $5 (meaning it's original, witty, and meaningful instead of just something that costs money), I don't see why anyone would get a girl a gift before they're dating.

Seriously, he just needs to ask her if they want to go out for coffee/a drink sometime.
 
Badandy said:
Unless the gift is less than $5 (meaning it's original, witty, and meaningful instead of just something that costs money), I don't see why anyone would get a girl a gift before they're dating.

Seriously, he just needs to ask her if they want to go out for coffee/a drink sometime.
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Exactly my sentiments. He's been very busy looking for articles like "How to tell if a girl likes you". :p
 
greygray said:
Exactly my sentiments. He's been very busy looking for articles like "How to tell if a girl likes you". :p
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Barf. Tell your nephew to think better of himself. He should ask her out. If she says no, her loss. Move on to the next person who's above the bar.

Even if he does get the first date, he has to learn to not put the "kitty" on the pedestal. A date is to see if the other person is worth your while, not the other way around.
 
Tell him to be confident. Walk up to her after class and do something like:

"So I'm going to go out on a limb here and just say you are really cute and fun. Since we barely get to talk in class I'd like to take you out sometime."

Then have him take her out to starbucks or a movie or something. Since he is so shy I suggest a movie to begin with. They can talk on the way but there is a movie there to help with any awkward silence. Then afterwards hopefully sitting there will help him gain some confidence and give him time to think of some subjects to discuss. Grab a coffee afterwards and visit.

To add: Inviting a girl to a party is just dumb. So is a drink IMO. THe party is loud and surrounded with other drunk guys who may come up and make her uncomfortable. Asking her to get a drink right off the bat can lead to her thinking you need to be buzzed to talk or wanting to get her toasty for a quick makeout afterwards.
 
your nephew should just ask the girl or txt her:

"you want to hang out? :)" "sure, movies?" "awesome" :)

:eek:(don't look like your super interested or else she might think your a creep)
 
UPDATE: My cousin hasn't hooked up his classmate yet, but here's what he apparently did. Made me snort. :)

He sent her a message telling her that there was another girl on Facebook who apparently liked him and kept pestering him for his mobile number. (FAKE)

Here's what his crush then replied:" Tell her you're busy and talk to her no more. Seriously not worth entertaining. At all. Not that she's bad or good or anything, but yeah."

He replied back:" Do pray for me over this if you don't mind. :)"

And here's what was epic that she replied:" Alright. :) Pray that you'll be discerning enough to make decisions :)"

Lol, but here's the catch. On her FB profile, while she is listed as single, there's this thing called Social Interview which another of her guy friend asked the question :" Who does xxxx daydream about?" And he gave a few hints like ( He wears specs etc, my cousin does not wear specs, BTW). She then replied "Alright. TSK. You and your nonsense."

Does this actually mean that she is having a date/crush on someone else or that she actually likes my nephew?
 
greygray said:
Does this actually mean that she is having a date/crush on someone else or that she actually likes my nephew?
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well, if she is really that awesome, she will always have some guy to date with. a crush? it happens all the time.

if she likes your nephew? maybe she does. but "like" is such a general term.

keep up with the updates :)
 
Man, you need to tell your cousin/nephew/whatever to grow up. This sort of "playing games" thing is what you do when you're in elementary/middle school.

Seriously, he's in college... As in, an adult... If he can't do this, he has problems. Out of my friends from college (graduated last year) about 10-15 are already married to the girls they were dating in college.

He really needs to get off the internet looking for advice on "hot to tell if a girl likes you." Really? Who does that?

Sorry, but if he keeps doing it this way, he's going to end up being a 40 Year Old Virgin. I'm just telling the truth, sorry if it came across poorly.
 
A good deal of good advice has already been given here. I'm not sure really if there is a need to play any Facebook games. Still, her response is pretty clear. I agree here with another MacRumors member who suggested that your nephew doesn't put people on any pedestals. What your nephew should do is simply be himself. I hope he's not too shy. And if he is, the guy who is less shy is likely going to take the girl away. Why doesn't he just go and talk to her?

A great advice is offered by a grandfather in the movie Little Miss Sunshine. Your nephew may consider watching it. :)
 
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