iPhone X Considering switch from Pixel to iPhone X

[drew4392]

Hey everyone,

New to the forum. Seems like a wealth of knowledge here, and hoping I can ask a few questions to those of you who've made the switch, or are familiar with both ecosystems.

I'm on a family plan with my wife, and service with current provider is a bit lacking. All carriers seems to have BOGO offer for iPhone, and to save ~$40 per month, it might make sense for both of us to get the same device. She really, really wants an iPhone (all her friends have one... FaceTime... iMessage... etc).

I'm very happy with Android, and *especially* the Pixel. However, I will consider a switch. It's just a phone, is what I keep telling myself.

There are a few things that I have grown to really, really appreciate on my Pixel, and hoping someone who is familiar with iOS can confirm if the same or something similar exists to help with the transition:

- Camera fast launch: Quick double-press of the power button on the Pixel launches the camera. There was a similar feature on my HTC before the Pixel, too. This is super helpful. Does iPhone have something like this?

- "OK Google": With the screen off, and the phone out of reach, this voice command with launch Google Assistant. Does Siri offer this functionality? I think I can load Google Assistant on the iPhone, not sure if it works the same..?

- Home Screen: I have a Google search bar, today's date (which if you tap, it will open the calendar), and weather. I don't need to pull down a notification bar or anything. Not a HUGE deal, just a very convenient feature. Does iOS have anything like this?

- Google Now: When I swipe left, I get a feed of news and updates that is specific to my interests and activities. I'm not sure if this is part of Google Assistant. Can I load this onto an iPhone, or is there an equivalent?

- Smart Search: If I copy text (address, phone number, etc), Google will know what it is and offer an action that corresponds. e.g. offer to open Google Maps if an address, or dial if it's a phone number, etc.


Those are the main ones. Sorry if lengthy. Really appreciate the help to those willing to lend an ear.


-Andrew

 

[DevinNj]

Hey welcome to the forums! All of your concerns are definitely real. It’s not always an easy decision to make the Android/Apple switch. My best advice would be to go to a store and play with one for a while. Form your own opinion on whether or not it’s something you feel you could adjust to. Also double check on your carriers return window just in case you aren’t happy with it in a week or two. Good luck, Devin

 

[xxray]

1. Not that I know of. I think the fastest way to get camera is open lock screen and swipe left, or put the camera shortcut in control center.

2. Yes, there's "Hey Siri."

3. Calendar app icon displays current date on home screen. On the widgets panel (swipe right on lock screen), you can put weather and calendar widgets, tap them, and it brings you to the app. But nothing on the home screen.

4. You can download the Google app, which I believe has the same functionality.

5. Yes, addresses, phone numbers, etc. are highlighted blue/look like a link that you can tap to do an action with.

 

[Superhappytree]

Stay with the Pixel. iOS 11 is an abomination, even on the X. I’d wait for the X2 or whatever they decide to call it. Along with iOS 12, it has to be an improvement. Currently, it just isn’t worth it.

 

[iOSUser7]

I’m not sure you should consider an iPhone X for your first iPhone especially if you are considering a switch just for the sake of trying something new (which seems to be your case). The iPhone X is a very expensive phone and unless you go back to your Pixel during the return period, you will end up losing a lot of money if you change your mind and decide to sell your brand new iPhone.

Maybe you should consider an iPhone 7 or iPhone 7 Plus instead, they are still very capable devices and can be found for much cheaper than the iPhone X or even the iPhone 8.

Good luck making the right decision!

 

[HallStevenson]

I'm going to give you Apple fan answers !!

1) Why do you need this ? I've never needed to open the camera so quickly that I couldn't do it 'the Apple way'.
2) No way do I want 'someone' listening all the time. That's a huge privacy issue for me !
3) Widgets are just a bunch of clutter.
4) I don't want my phone doing a bunch of updates in the background, using my data, battery, etc.
5) Phone numbers sometimes work. If it's an address, how difficult is it to just remember the address, open Apple Maps, and type it in ?

 

[boltjames]

Those are the main ones. Sorry if lengthy. Really appreciate the help to those willing to lend an ear.

-Andrew

First off, welcome Andrew.

Next, iPhone X can do most of what you asked about, others will fill you in. Let me take this opportunity to let you know some things that most Android phones cannot do that iPhone can:

Inferior Cameras: Read any online review, iPhone X has the best camera in the business, blows away anything that Android offers.

No Two Tone LED Flash - X has technology that allows more of the background to show when flash lights the foreground.

No Taptic Engine - Note 8 and others don't have one, just has simple vibrations and not individual ones for different notifications.

No 3D Touch - The screen has no mid and deep pressure capability, so it lacks accessibility to app shortcuts.

Weak Apps - Android apps aren't updated frequently enough and there are too many devices to optimize for.

Slow Apps - Android apps launch slowly and run slower than iPhone, different devices = lack of optimization.

Poor Ecosystem Integration - Apple isn't fragmented and disjointed like Android. If you get some Apple products like notebooks, video streamers, even headphones you'll understand just how smooth and seamless things can be.

Limited Accessories - Too many Android devices so too many for third parties to keep up with.

Limited Updates - It can be several months between updates, security gets compromised.

No Longevity - Android phones made in 2014 are no longer supported with updates; Apple far longer.

Poor Resale Value - So many cheap Androids, very hard to sell in the aftermarket.

No Tap To Top - Android doesn't have the ability to tap the top bar and jump back up. Have to scroll and scroll...

No Physical Vibrate Switch - Have to go through menus, can't just quickly flip a side switch.

Can't Use One-Handed - Depending on which you own, most are too big to allow for one-handed usage, must have two hands on it.

Fingerprint Reader Hard To Reach - The X uses Facial Recognition, no need to worry about this.

No Universal Messaging - Android doesn't have an iMessage equivalent, have to launch a third party app, often need many different apps to communicate to all your contacts.

No Universal Search - Android doesn't have a Spotlight equivalent, can't search all your content at once. Very cool Apple feature, can search for a term in one place and it searches all apps, emails, texts, photos, more.

No Advanced Facial Recognition - Beyond unlocking the phone, Android doesn't use facial recognition for passwords on websites or passwords in apps like iPhone X does.

No Backup Transfers - Unlike iPhone's one-click transfer of an entire phone's contents, Android has to be done manually and individually, takes forever.

No Advanced Keyboard Gestures - iPhone's keyboard can disappear and become a trackpad to move text, copy/paste, insert characters, and Android has nothing like this incredible timesaver.

No Retail Stores - Having 100s of retail stores means quick repairs, Android is nowhere and never will be.

So it's not just what the iPhone can do that your Android can; it's the other way around, too. There is so much more to an iPhone. That's why it's the biggest brand in smartphones despite being more expensive.

 

[xxray]

First off, welcome Andrew.

Next, iPhone X can do most of what you asked about, others will fill you in. Let me take this opportunity to let you know some things that most Android phones cannot do that iPhone can:

Inferior Cameras: Read any online review, iPhone X has the best camera in the business, blows away anything that Android offers.

Lol, I stopped here. This is complete BS. The very large majority of phone reviewers/critics praise the Pixel 2 camera over the X.

 

[seezar]

First off, welcome Andrew.

Next, iPhone X can do most of what you asked about, others will fill you in. Let me take this opportunity to let you know some things that most Android phones cannot do that iPhone can:

Inferior Cameras: Read any online review, iPhone X has the best camera in the business, blows away anything that Android offers.



Limited Updates - It can be several months between updates, security gets compromised.

The OP is coming from a Pixel. The Pixel camera is marginally better than the current iphone cameras (I own both a Pixel 2 XL and an iPhone X) I'd rather use my Pixel for taking photos, for video the X is marginally better.

Also, the Pixel line gets monthly security updates every month.
[doublepost=1518490959][/doublepost]

No Universal Search - Android doesn't have a Spotlight equivalent, can't search all your content at once. Very cool Apple feature, can search for a term in one place and it searches all apps, emails, texts, photos, more.

Pixel has this as well built in.
[doublepost=1518491048][/doublepost]

I'm going to give you Apple fan answers !!


2) No way do I want 'someone' listening all the time. That's a huge privacy issue for me !

But Siri on my iPhone X does just that

 

[scgf]

Oh guys! Read this review from a reputable photography site.

Having owned an iPhone X and a Google Pixel 2 I can verify what they say about the iPhone X camera. The two things about it I disliked straight away were: a slow shutter speed in low light and overblown highlights. In a restaurant the iPhone was choosing around 1/4 sec the Pixel 2 1/24 sec. Given that OIS can only help with camera shake, not subject movement, this was bad. Consistently bad.

 

[DNichter]

1. Yes, it's on the lock screen for quick camera access.
2. Yes, you have "Hey Siri"
3. Yes, you just swipe to the left and you have everything you need.
4. No, I don't think there is an equivalent here, but potentially on the widgets screen. Maybe the Google app?
5. Yes, the iPhone has this also.

 

[Harthag]

- Camera fast launch: Quick double-press of the power button on the Pixel launches the camera. There was a similar feature on my HTC before the Pixel, too. This is super helpful. Does iPhone have something like this?

- "OK Google": With the screen off, and the phone out of reach, this voice command with launch Google Assistant. Does Siri offer this functionality? I think I can load Google Assistant on the iPhone, not sure if it works the same..?

- Home Screen: I have a Google search bar, today's date (which if you tap, it will open the calendar), and weather. I don't need to pull down a notification bar or anything. Not a HUGE deal, just a very convenient feature. Does iOS have anything like this?

- Google Now: When I swipe left, I get a feed of news and updates that is specific to my interests and activities. I'm not sure if this is part of Google Assistant. Can I load this onto an iPhone, or is there an equivalent?

- Smart Search: If I copy text (address, phone number, etc), Google will know what it is and offer an action that corresponds. e.g. offer to open Google Maps if an address, or dial if it's a phone number, etc.


Those are the main ones. Sorry if lengthy. Really appreciate the help to those willing to lend an ear.


-Andrew

I own an iPhone X and Pixel 2XL, will try my best to answer your questions:

1) Camera- the lock screen utilizes 3D touch, so you can click on the camera icon from the lock screen. It's pretty cool. You can also swipe the lock screen left. You can also pull down the control center window and click the camera icon.

2) OK Google- much more useful than Siri for me. You can't unlock the iPhone X with just your voice like you can with the Pixel and OK Google. I haven't been able to get the iPhone to unlock and go straight home with my voice.

3) Calendar and weather and date- already addressed above, you just have widgets if you swipe on the lock screen. Not nearly as intuitive as the Pixel. With the iPhone really you can just put the calendar and weather apps on your home screen and tap them to open. Not a big deal as you said.

4) You can swipe left from your home screen and get the latest news feeds. I'm not sure it is as tailored as what you get on the Pixel, but the experience has been the same for me.

5) Smart search- you can copy text / addresses or long press on the address, but it will all open up in Safari or Apple maps and not Google maps. To use Google maps you'll need to copy / paste the address into the Google maps app. For phone numbers yes you can long press them and a box will pop up asking if you want to call the number.

**Miscellaneous issue - I think FaceTime is better than Google Duo for video calling, but it could be due to connection variables on either end. This could be a solution for FaceTime for you, nonetheless. Duo is available for both iOS and Android and is super easy to set up for iOS.

Don't get swayed by fanboy comments. Try the iPhone yourself, only you can decide. Utilize the return period if need be. Both devices have pluses and minuses. You could also keep your Pixel for your daily driver and get a refurb iPhone 7 for FaceTime use, etc. That's what I'm currently doing with my X. I love swapping back and forth every few months between iOS and Android. Best of both worlds!

 

[cbreze]

Lol, I stopped here. This is complete BS. The very large majority of phone reviewers/critics praise the Pixel 2 camera over the X.

BJ is known for BS
Also the pixel gets monthly updates not several months apart as stated by BS,

 

[pixel_junkie]

Inferior Cameras: Nope, Pixel is at least as good (according to a lot of people MUCH better)

No Two Tone LED Flash Pixel has better low light performance

No Taptic Engine - you can totally customize this

No 3D Touch - Android has the equivalent. It's actually easier to use, no pressure/force needed.

Weak Apps - Not true at all.

Slow Apps - Not true at all

Poor Ecosystem Integration - Partially agree

Limited Accessories - is it "too many" or "limited"? Can't be both. "Too many" means you have options. On the other hand, Apple incorporates features like wireless charging but does not offer an actual charger to support it so you have to go to third party vendor.

Limited Updates - Nope, not on the Pixel

No Longevity - planned obsolescence on iOS

Poor Resale Value - Pixel is fine in that department, no problems

No Tap To Top - no decline phone call option when phone locked, no separate volume control so my alarm blasts full volume if I forget to turn it down the night before.

No Physical Vibrate Switch - no notification light on iPhone.

Can't Use One-Handed - not only can you use it one handed, you can do EVERYTHING - Nova Launcher and gesture control (which are fully customizable by the way) allow you to do whatever you want with simple swipes on any part of the screen. Nice try

Fingerprint Reader Hard To Reach - Sorry, not on Pixel

No Universal Messaging - I don't even understand this, every Android comes with a messaging app, works fine, never had an issue

No Universal Search not true

No Advanced Facial Recognition - maybe but apps like Last Password are better implemented on Android which make it just as easy to use.

No Backup Transfers - What are you talking about?! Backup is completely streamlined, just as easy on Android if not easier.

No Advanced Keyboard Gestures - Pa-lease don't get me started on the keyboard. Gboard on the Pixel can be customized to death, built in swipe typing support, swipe to erase, swipe to adjust cursor position, numbers row, height, size ... So many cool helpful features built in.

No Retail Stores - you win

 

[boltjames]

No Retail Stores - you win

Thank you.

I wasn't comparing specifically to the Pixel as the OP is considering all options; I was pointing out that most Android phones suffer those inferiorities compared to the iPhone X.

 

[ikir]

Stay with the Pixel. iOS 11 is an abomination, even on the X. I’d wait for the X2 or whatever they decide to call it. Along with iOS 12, it has to be an improvement. Currently, it just isn’t worth it.

LoL! iOS users saying that probably never used Android for more than browsing.
iOS 11 is great even if it has issue, especially who are switching from Android will find more secure, fast, stable OS.
[doublepost=1518567163][/doublepost]another troll. Most of your correction are half true or competete junk like iOS has no planned obsolescence and iPhone has the longer longevity in the market. Or 3D Touch, nothing like this on Android.

 

[Dario69]

Lol, I stopped here. This is complete BS. The very large majority of phone reviewers/critics praise the Pixel 2 camera over the X.

Same here. We are entering amateur hour now. James, I expect better given your background.

 

[Superhappytree]

LoL! iOS users saying that probably never used Android for more than browsing.
iOS 11 is great even if it has issue, especially who are switching from Android will find more secure, fast, stable OS.
[doublepost=1518567163][/doublepost]
another troll. Most of your correction are half true or competete junk like iOS has no planned obsolescence and iPhone has the longer longevity in the market. Or 3D Touch, nothing like this on Android.

Erm... I’ve had my Pixel 2 for over 3 months now. I use it for way more than just browsing. There’s a lot more things you can do on it that you just can’t on iOS. Plus it has a superior notification system. I would hardly call iOS “stable” these days either. Stability has gone down the sh****r over the last few years, especially this past year. Have you not seen all the iOS 11 complaints? They are even holding back on features for iOS 12 in an attempt to fix the mess of iOS 11 due to said complaints.

I agree with you on it being more secure though; that and the ecosystem are the only reasons why I still cling onto an iPhone.

 

[Squirreladd]

I would say I am quite knowledgeable on both OSs. I was a primary Android user for close to six years. Then I used an iPhone seven for close to a year. What I can say is as a consumer I loved iOS it's a great OS in my opinion the best mobile OS. It's just a lot of change going from Android to iOS.

I am back on Android as of now and it's for really the little things that make it more usable to me.

1. Ability to set default apps. Doesn't seem like much but when you dislike apple maps and you click an address in your text messages the only thing you can do is open it in apple maps. Uninstall apple maps? Get a notification to resinstall it when you choose an address. Cumbersome copy and paste is your only option.

2. Siri. Siri was not good when I switched in September and she could have gotten better. I doubt it but possible.

3. Notifications. Android's rich notifications are something you will miss a lot.

While using Android I realized I have to make trade offs. In my case using a note 8 I have to sacrifice having a bloatware free device, reasonable updates and speed. However for the little things listed above it was worth it for me. As I said I believe iOS is the best mobile OS available just not for me. I will be knocking people over to buy a 2018 iPhone if they implement the changes above.

 

[drew4392]

1. Not that I know of. I think the fastest way to get camera is open lock screen and swipe left, or put the camera shortcut in control center.

2. Yes, there's "Hey Siri."

3. Calendar app icon displays current date on home screen. On the widgets panel (swipe right on lock screen), you can put weather and calendar widgets, tap them, and it brings you to the app. But nothing on the home screen.

4. You can download the Google app, which I believe has the same functionality.

5. Yes, addresses, phone numbers, etc. are highlighted blue/look like a link that you can tap to do an action with.

Thanks! Great to check these off. Those are the "major" functionality concerns. Although, squirreladd touches on a really good point, below. It's the little things that I don't think I'll be able to get past....

I'm going to give you Apple fan answers !!

1) Why do you need this ? I've never needed to open the camera so quickly that I couldn't do it 'the Apple way'.

I appreciate this perspective. I have a young child, so actuating a camera as fast as possible is crucial. And as easy as possible. Double pressing power button or volume rocker is key. Multiple steps, despite being easy, is more cumbersome.

First off, welcome Andrew.

Next, iPhone X can do most of what you asked about, others will fill you in. Let me take this opportunity to let you know some things that most Android phones cannot do that iPhone can:

Inferior Cameras: Read any online review, iPhone X has the best camera in the business, blows away anything that Android offers.

No Two Tone LED Flash - X has technology that allows more of the background to show when flash lights the foreground.

No Taptic Engine - Note 8 and others don't have one, just has simple vibrations and not individual ones for different notifications.

No 3D Touch - The screen has no mid and deep pressure capability, so it lacks accessibility to app shortcuts.

Weak Apps - Android apps aren't updated frequently enough and there are too many devices to optimize for.

Slow Apps - Android apps launch slowly and run slower than iPhone, different devices = lack of optimization.

Poor Ecosystem Integration - Apple isn't fragmented and disjointed like Android. If you get some Apple products like notebooks, video streamers, even headphones you'll understand just how smooth and seamless things can be.

Limited Accessories - Too many Android devices so too many for third parties to keep up with.

Limited Updates - It can be several months between updates, security gets compromised.

No Longevity - Android phones made in 2014 are no longer supported with updates; Apple far longer.

Poor Resale Value - So many cheap Androids, very hard to sell in the aftermarket.

No Tap To Top - Android doesn't have the ability to tap the top bar and jump back up. Have to scroll and scroll...

No Physical Vibrate Switch - Have to go through menus, can't just quickly flip a side switch.

Can't Use One-Handed - Depending on which you own, most are too big to allow for one-handed usage, must have two hands on it.

Fingerprint Reader Hard To Reach - The X uses Facial Recognition, no need to worry about this.

No Universal Messaging - Android doesn't have an iMessage equivalent, have to launch a third party app, often need many different apps to communicate to all your contacts.

No Universal Search - Android doesn't have a Spotlight equivalent, can't search all your content at once. Very cool Apple feature, can search for a term in one place and it searches all apps, emails, texts, photos, more.

No Advanced Facial Recognition - Beyond unlocking the phone, Android doesn't use facial recognition for passwords on websites or passwords in apps like iPhone X does.

No Backup Transfers - Unlike iPhone's one-click transfer of an entire phone's contents, Android has to be done manually and individually, takes forever.

No Advanced Keyboard Gestures - iPhone's keyboard can disappear and become a trackpad to move text, copy/paste, insert characters, and Android has nothing like this incredible timesaver.

No Retail Stores - Having 100s of retail stores means quick repairs, Android is nowhere and never will be.

So it's not just what the iPhone can do that your Android can; it's the other way around, too. There is so much more to an iPhone. That's why it's the biggest brand in smartphones despite being more expensive.

Thanks for taking the time to put this list together. Definitely a few things on here that are really attractive.

I own an iPhone X and Pixel 2XL, will try my best to answer your questions:

1) Camera- the lock screen utilizes 3D touch, so you can click on the camera icon from the lock screen. It's pretty cool. You can also swipe the lock screen left. You can also pull down the control center window and click the camera icon.

2) OK Google- much more useful than Siri for me. You can't unlock the iPhone X with just your voice like you can with the Pixel and OK Google. I haven't been able to get the iPhone to unlock and go straight home with my voice.

3) Calendar and weather and date- already addressed above, you just have widgets if you swipe on the lock screen. Not nearly as intuitive as the Pixel. With the iPhone really you can just put the calendar and weather apps on your home screen and tap them to open. Not a big deal as you said.

4) You can swipe left from your home screen and get the latest news feeds. I'm not sure it is as tailored as what you get on the Pixel, but the experience has been the same for me.

5) Smart search- you can copy text / addresses or long press on the address, but it will all open up in Safari or Apple maps and not Google maps. To use Google maps you'll need to copy / paste the address into the Google maps app. For phone numbers yes you can long press them and a box will pop up asking if you want to call the number.

**Miscellaneous issue - I think FaceTime is better than Google Duo for video calling, but it could be due to connection variables on either end. This could be a solution for FaceTime for you, nonetheless. Duo is available for both iOS and Android and is super easy to set up for iOS.

Don't get swayed by fanboy comments. Try the iPhone yourself, only you can decide. Utilize the return period if need be. Both devices have pluses and minuses. You could also keep your Pixel for your daily driver and get a refurb iPhone 7 for FaceTime use, etc. That's what I'm currently doing with my X. I love swapping back and forth every few months between iOS and Android. Best of both worlds!

I was really, really hoping Siri was as good as OK Google, in terms of accessing the device while the screen is off AND phone is locked. e.g. call so-and-so, text so-and-so, navigate to XYZ, weather, etc.

As others have mentioned, I think that is great advice, in trying it for myself. That's why there is a return policy.

I would say I am quite knowledgeable on both OSs. I was a primary Android user for close to six years. Then I used an iPhone seven for close to a year. What I can say is as a consumer I loved iOS it's a great OS in my opinion the best mobile OS. It's just a lot of change going from Android to iOS.

I am back on Android as of now and it's for really the little things that make it more usable to me.

1. Ability to set default apps. Doesn't seem like much but when you dislike apple maps and you click an address in your text messages the only thing you can do is open it in apple maps. Uninstall apple maps? Get a notification to resinstall it when you choose an address. Cumbersome copy and paste is your only option.

2. Siri. Siri was not good when I switched in September and she could have gotten better. I doubt it but possible.

3. Notifications. Android's rich notifications are something you will miss a lot.

While using Android I realized I have to make trade offs. In my case using a note 8 I have to sacrifice having a bloatware free device, reasonable updates and speed. However for the little things listed above it was worth it for me. As I said I believe iOS is the best mobile OS available just not for me. I will be knocking people over to buy a 2018 iPhone if they implement the changes above.

Default app setting is a big one for me. Really thought I didn't have to use Apple Maps, and I can set the default map to google or waze.

Notifications is something I rely so heavily on. I will have to see what you mean when I use the iPhone, but I'm scared you're correct (having used both OSs).



Thanks everyone!!

 

[russelljg]

Hey everyone,



I'm on a family plan with my wife, and service with current provider is a bit lacking. All carriers seems to have BOGO offer for iPhone, and to save ~$40 per month, it might make sense for both of us to get the same device. She really, really wants an iPhone (all her friends have one... FaceTime... iMessage... etc).

I'm very happy with Android, and *especially* the Pixel. However, I will consider a switch. It's just a phone, is what I keep telling myself.

There are a few things that I have grown to really, really appreciate on my Pixel, and hoping someone who is familiar with iOS can confirm if the same or something similar exists to help with the transition:

-Andrew

So it seems like;

• you're happy with the pixel
• you have concerns about IOS
• your wife wants IOS
• you want to save $

On that basis , if you can satisfy your IOS concerns the obvious thing to do would but to get a 7 or 8 thus saving even more.

 

[mib1800]

iPhone controls you control pixel.

 

[boltjames]

Thanks! Great to check these off. Those are the "major" functionality concerns. Although, squirreladd touches on a really good point, below. It's the little things that I don't think I'll be able to get past....

Another little thing: If you don't want to add stress to your relationship you should definitely get an iPhone. iPhone people and Android people don't get along, I don't know a single couple with opposite smartphones, they wind up fighting and breaking up.

 

[Gathomblipoob]

I don't know a single couple with opposite smartphones, they wind up fighting and breaking up.

My sister uses an iPhone 8 Plus and her husband uses an HTC 9. They get along fine.

 

[iOSUser7]

Another little thing: If you don't want to add stress to your relationship you should definitely get an iPhone. iPhone people and Android people don't get along, I don't know a single couple with opposite smartphones, they wind up fighting and breaking up.

Please tell me this is sarcasm...