Corny Jokes and One Liners

renewed

macrumors 68040
Original poster
Mar 24, 2009
3,068
6
Bemalte Blumen duften nicht.
Read a few in a different forum and thought why not?

"What'd the lamp say to the man?

Nothing. A lamp is an inanimate object."

"Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked."

Ok let's see what you've got.
 
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Fuzzypenguin

macrumors newbie
Jul 13, 2011
4
1
Under your bed
What kind of shoes are made from bananas skins? Slippers.
What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
What happened to the boy who drank 8 cokes? He burped 7-Up.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
 
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ziggyiggy

macrumors newbie
Aug 31, 2010
9
0
Have you heard of the new restaurant on the moon? The food is amazing, but I've heard its got no atmosphere...
 
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r1ch4rd

macrumors 6502a
Aug 5, 2005
980
1
Manchester UK
Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.

Q: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
A: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.
 
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arkitect

macrumors 603
Sep 5, 2005
5,942
5,720
Bath, United Kingdom
I take no credit for this… just passing it on:

"Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
 
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iStudentUK

macrumors 65816
Mar 8, 2009
1,439
4
London
"My friend has a world record for concussions, he lives very close. In fact, just a stones throw away."

-Stewart Francis
 
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velocityg4

macrumors 601
Dec 19, 2004
4,878
1,423
Georgia
Why don't blind men skydive?
Because it scares the s*** out of the dog.

How do you turn a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give her a shovel.

The fight we had last night was my fault.
My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
 
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rhett7660

macrumors G5
Jan 9, 2008
12,507
2,468
Sunny, Southern California
What does is smell like to go down on a 80 year old woman?

Depends.


A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
 
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obeygiant

macrumors 601
Jan 14, 2002
4,037
3,867
totally cool
What did the birdy say when it flew over wal-mart?

cheap cheap cheap!



What goes "ha ha ha ha, *thump*"?

someone laughing their head off.
 
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