Critique My Resume: First Time

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by zflauaus, May 30, 2007.

  1. zflauaus macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    #1
    I'm reaching out to everyone.

    There was recently an ad in our local newspaper saying that a reseller of Alltel Wireless is moving into a store in town and are looking for 2 sales people to run it. My mom was the first one to bring it up to me and she said, "Go for it." Now, I'm 15, which means my chances at getting this job are slim I think, but since my mom works about 500 feet away from where the store is going to be, I'll be at the job no matter what.

    I need you guys to critique my resume. This is my first time going out into the real world and getting a job and I have no previous experience, so please, if you have any advice, I'll be greatly appreciative of it.
     

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  2. Xander562 macrumors 68000

    Xander562

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    #2
    You Write Almost Every Sentence Like This With The First Letter Of Each Word Capitalized. I'm Not Sure If This Is Entirely Correct, But It Annoys Me. Since Its A Newspaper, You Probably Should Have Good Grammar/Conventions.
    ----Ok enough of that, you get the point.

    The last bullet point is also very large.

    Everything else looks good IMO, but this is also coming from another teenager with no real-life experience.
     
  3. zflauaus thread starter macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    #3
    Actually, it's not a newspaper, it's a retail store for Alltel Wireless.

    My sister said the exact same thing, so I changed it and the bullet point.

    Everybody else, check the latest one.
     

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  4. Xander562 macrumors 68000

    Xander562

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    #4
    Oh woops, sorry. I saw the words "local" and "newspaper" while I was skimming so for some reason thought that was where you were working. :p


    -- The new one looks good though.
     
  5. furcalchick macrumors 68020

    furcalchick

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Location:
    South Florida
    #5
    i personally would use more action verbs in the resume. for example, "High skill level in Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Office, and Macintosh
    Operating System" could be "Proficient in Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Office and Macintosh OS X". also fix and helped sounds kinda blah. spice it up.

    and also, be a bit more specific with the jobs. "Journalist for the Blogger News Network, specifically the technology section" doesn't tell me much. tell me what your daily or weekly workload is like in one sentence. it could be "produce and maintain a technology blog on the Blogger News Network with articles each week". i'm not sure if that's what you do though.
     
  6. zflauaus thread starter macrumors 65816

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    Nov 19, 2004
    #6
    No prob Xander.

    Okay, I changed
    • "High Skill Level" to "Proficient"
    • "Fix" to "Repair"
    • "Helped" to "Consultant"
    • "Journalist...." to "• Writer for the Blogger News Network. I typically write 5-10 articles or more per week, depending on the number of technology stories that are released."
    • "Know Background" to "Very familiar"
    Anything else? And also, do you want me to post new PDFs each time? It's no problem for me, but just wondering if it's too much of a hassle for anyone else.
     
  7. gauchogolfer macrumors 603

    gauchogolfer

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2005
    Location:
    American Riviera
    #7
    The only thing I would add to the above poster's comments about making more specific descriptions of your experience, is that it's probably the impression you make when you drop off your resumé/schedule an interview that's going to matter the most. Since you're 15, I don't think they're going to be expecting much from your resumé. What's more important is how you convey your interest in working there, and what you think you can contribute.

    This may be done best in a cover letter, rather than the resumé itself.
     
  8. furcalchick macrumors 68020

    furcalchick

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Location:
    South Florida
    #9
    just a quick tip, i would delete the line that says familiar with blah blah blah, sounds a bit repetitive to me at least. proficiency with the programs should be enough.
     
  9. zflauaus thread starter macrumors 65816

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    Nov 19, 2004
    #10
    The line is out.
     
  10. greg555 macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2005
    Location:
    Canada
    #11
    Generally looks good but it could be better with a few changes:

    I would get rid of the underlines under the years. There are too many underlines in my opinion.

    The "Fix computers..." should be reworded to be stronger and less coloquial (sp?). Maybe "Repaired computers, installed software, reinstalled operating systems, etc."

    The "Helped people on..." doesn't sound quite right. Maybe "Helped people decide..." or "Helped people select..."

    "Maintined high honor roll" would sound stronger as "Achieved the high honor roll for the entire 2006-2007 school year" assuming this is proper terminology for honor rolls.

    "Journalist for the..." might be better as "Technology journalist for (or on?) the Blogger News Network. Authored weekly articles (or whatever)..." [edit: I like your "Writer for the Blogger News Network. I typically write 5-10 articles or more per week, depending on the number of technology stories that are released." It might be a bit stronger if it started with "Technology writer for..."]

    "Maintain a presence" could be changed to "Active member of cellular message boards where I help users to select which phone..."

    Good luck - Greg (job hunting and resume writing too)
     
  11. zflauaus thread starter macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    #12
    Fixed everything you said, greg555. By the way, good luck to you too.:)

    New PDF is up
     

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  12. greg555 macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2005
    Location:
    Canada
    #13
    Thanks. I think your resume looks much better now. Just a couple more things...

    The "Consulted users on what" and "where I help users on which" both don't sound quite right to me. It's the "on" that doesn't work for me. I got rid of it in both my example sentences above. You can leave them as-is if you are happy with them.

    The "Technology Journalist" should have a lower case "j" on journalist. I'd get rid of the "possibly more" ending (because it makes it seem like you are not sure of your numbers) or at least change it to "often more" if that isn't lying. I would also change the "articles/week" to "articles per week".

    Cheers - Greg
     
  13. zflauaus thread starter macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    #14
    I left the "Consulted" part the same, but changed everything else. See if you like it more.

    EDIT: Except for the articles/month thing. It's now fixed, but I'm not going to re-upload it.
     

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  14. greg555 macrumors 6502a

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    Mar 24, 2005
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    Canada
  15. zflauaus thread starter macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    #16
    Thanks Greg. I'll have to run it by my mom and see if she approves it and if so it's being emailed to the employer. Or faxed. Which do you think would be better? No biggy, I can email it from home or fax it from my mom's work. I have to make a mental note that if anything comes up, I'll have to post here. :D
     
  16. bearbo macrumors 68000

    bearbo

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    #17
    If you are currently holding the position, aka the 2005 - present ones, don't use past tense. And use bullets.

    * Repair computers
    * Install operating systems, programs, etc

    * Consult people on what technology products and service they need for their lifestyle and/or business

    You might want to put month for the experiences too.

    Consistent format. If you want to put date first, do that with education too. Vice vera.

    Question for you tho... were you really working as a computer technician and technology consultant, and getting paid, or just it's something you did for family and friend?

    Because it doesn't sound very convincing that you were working as independent at the age of 13.

    If you just had those experiences, you can put it under computer skills.

    I understand you want to have some "experience", but it sounds more buffing than humble. It's okay if you never had a job at age of 15.

    If you want to put those as just pure experiences, don't give yourself those titles... or something.

    Hopefully it helps.

    Bearbo

    P.S. if you are close enough, which I was under the impression that you are, you can hand deliver to the person. That makes the impression better and more personal. Whoever that's hiring might remember you better that way too.
     
  17. furcalchick macrumors 68020

    furcalchick

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Location:
    South Florida
    #18
    unless you know much about mac os 9 and earlier, i would put on there mac os x, otherwise, you may be stuck on computers with classic and no idea what to do with them.

    and for experience, i wouldn't put bullets under the description, it just makes it look more cluttered.

    "Repaired computers; installed operating systems, programs, etc." would need minor tweaking to become a complete sentence. who are your clients? and etc. looks out of place here. perhaps a bit more on what you did here is in order.

    for that second job line, i would replace people with clients, just sounds more professional.

    does the blog encompass all technology or is it mostly on a few topics? if so, i would mention it.

    "help users" should become "assist users".

    "know how to address" should become "knowledgeable to address".

    good work for a first timer.

    update: i would really do a functional resume if i were you, since this is the first job you are obtaining. it's not that hard as it is now, i would slash experience and move those two to computer skills. and consider changing interests/activites to technology, moving the two challenges over to that area. achievements will just be a subordinate to the high school line. think about that for a little bit.
     
  18. zflauaus thread starter macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    #19
    Okay, yes, it was for friends/family. I moved those to computer skills. I also moved the items about cell knowledge towards the top of each list. It looks a little barebone now, no?

    I fixed most of the things you mentioned and am working on making up a functional resume (it's kind of hard for me, not a very good writer).
     

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  19. furcalchick macrumors 68020

    furcalchick

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Location:
    South Florida
    #20
    some quick comments.

    1. "Active member of cellular message boards where I assist users in selecting a phone and/or services that they need."

    2. "Familiar with cellular terminology; knowledgeable to address problems with cellular phones, programming, etc." would do better in the tech section, as it's not exactly computers.

    3. what is the high honor roll? never heard of it.

    4. repairing computers...is this just software or have you done hardware work as well?

    and for the bare bones problem...do you have any formal leadership/sales experience that could relate to the job? think of what the job entails and you may dig out a past experience that could help you get over the top here.
     
  20. zflauaus thread starter macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    #21
    1. Changed it.
    2. Changed it.
    3. It's basically making A's & B's all year long.
    4. Both.

    At the time, I can't think of any other past experience at the time, but I'll keep thinking.
     
  21. furcalchick macrumors 68020

    furcalchick

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Location:
    South Florida
    #22
    just make sure you state both hardware and software repairs in your resume. that's big. and unless your employer knows what high honor roll is (i'm not sure), i would say "A's and B's in all classes" there.

    about past experience, did you teach any of your clients how to use anti-spyware stuff, other software checks? if so, that could boost you up in sales. just an example.

    but looking at the improved resume, i would definitely look at you for an interview, especially at 15.
     
  22. zflauaus thread starter macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    #23
    I included it in there. Yes, I taught them how to use the software and keep them up to date. Glad you would consider me. I posted this same thing on the Alltel-section of HowardForums and they are basically saying my chances are slim since a) I'm 15, b) They're probably looking for full-time positions. All I can say is, I hope they change their mind.
     

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  23. bearbo macrumors 68000

    bearbo

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    #24
    "Maintained A's and high B's grades for [] 2006 - 2007 school year."

    You might want to explain what you did in Worldwide Youth Science and Engineering [a]cademic challenge (unless Academic Challenge is part of the title, don't capitalize the a in academic). Do so in indented bullet point format.

    If you can think of a way, you might want to specify who are your clients. If you helped a business, definitely put it in there.

    Use "Mac OS X". This is, to the best of my knowledge, the full name of the operating system. Which means this is not an abbreviation of Macintosh Operating System Ten.

    Break down your 3rd bullet point paragraphs into more bullet points. You can also try different level of bullet points. That big of a paragraph makes your audience not want to read it.

    Shouldn't you put your "Consult clients ..." in the Technology section?

    Have you authored 5-10 articles [] per week every week? Since when? (Don't need the "/" in there).

    Other than that, it looks great. My resume at age 15 doesn't look nearly as impressive as yours. Thinking about that, I don't think I started on resume at that age.

    P.S. Do you have any references from your consultations and such? Put "References available upon request." If you are going to actually provide anybody with a list of references, get their permission first.
     
  24. furcalchick macrumors 68020

    furcalchick

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Location:
    South Florida
    #25
    i would suggest making a "communications" section with that and the teaching the users how to take care of their computer.

    and how about volunteer work? mention it on here if you feel it's worth noting.
     

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