critique needed - be honest, i can take it.

[txr0ckabilly]

i'm working on an add. i need a lot of info in it but i'm trying to keep it from looking cluttered..... i have failed. check it out here (updated). be as honest as you want, i think i can handle it.


my background is in tattoos and paint and body (design school drop-out), also i didn't design the lloydlauw logo.

 

[besler3035]

WAY too cluttered. Plus, your text is stretched...that's a big no-no. I would left-align your paragraphs as well.

That'll at least get you going in the right direction.

 

[MattSepeta]

to start

A good test is to close your eyes, or maybe look at some random web page for a while, then open up your design and only look at it for 1 second.

It will show you it is farrr too cluttered, and the tracking differences almost exploded my head.

It looks like between the three lower columns of type, the tracking and proprtions are all completely different. I would keep them uniform. And left justify everything other than a headline.

You waste alot of space with large font sizes, it can all be made about 30% smaller and still be legible.

I would also make the 3 "logo" things significantly smaller. Do not be afraid of white/blank space, it is your friend, it lest the eye rest

 

[usclaneyj]

I noticed that it is named "half page ad". Is this to be ran in a newspaper? If so, that ad is absolutely huuuuuuge, and you really have a LOT of room. I echo the sentiments of others concerning your handling of the typefaces.

It looks like you've used Helvetica Condensed for a lot of the typography here, but because of the stretching & tracking, the letters are distorted and don't feel like the same typeface at all. This causes cluttering. If you increased the margins around those 3 columns of text, decided on one standard treatment to use for all 3 columns, and left aligned it I think you'd see a dramatic improvement in the feel of this page.

Don't feel like you need to fill every space. ie - Just because your ad is wide doesn't mean the tracking on the headline needs to be so wide.

Also, the addition of Cooper Black for "We've gone Green!" is confusing to me. It seems like an afterthought in its placement and color choice.

You've made good decisions on several things here, so there's definitely some promise in there. It just needs a little refinement.

 

[SwiftLives]

Less. Is. More.

You need a focal point.

You need a call-to-action.

Use no more than two fonts.

 

[heehee]

Your ad sucks.

White space my friend. Don't need to fill every millimetre with text/logo/picture.

 

[txr0ckabilly]

as i said in my original post "i failed" sounds as if it was a miserable fail. thanks for all criticisms. working again....

 

[definitive]

my god...


....it's beautiful!


use same weight and size on fonts, except where bold is needed. don't stretch. depending on how bit the ad is, use no more than 12point size font for the paragraphs. don't mix centering with justified text in same paragraph (paragraph 1). go easy on kerning/tracking. space the stuff out a bit so there's some space to rest your eyes on.

 

[txr0ckabilly]

ok.... reduced, cleaned up, justified, aligned, etc. any thing else? am i closer?

fail?

also to reply to an earlier question... this is not for a newspaper it's for a high school program but i'm trying to get one i can use for all the yearbook, programs, sponsorships we do for our local schools. if it were an add for a paper, i would have just wrote an article with an FAQ.

in regards to the whitespace - it's the exact opposite with tattoos and painting - use it all! (lesson learned)

btw i'm contractually obligated to use those logos when mentioning the products.

 

[LeviG]

All I'll say is 'my eyes', seriously that hurt my eyes looking at that.

theres no consistency between the text and it just looks cluttered.

edit: above referencing the first one

New one is better, I'd maybe move the blue circle logo to the left or right on the line above it and shift the lloydlauw logo to the other side and then balance it all vertically so to speak

 

[txr0ckabilly]

All I'll say is 'my eyes', seriously that hurt my eyes looking at that.

theres no consistency between the text and it just looks cluttered.

edit: above referencing the first one

New one is better, I'd maybe move the blue circle logo to the left or right on the line above it and shift the lloydlauw logo to the other side and then balance it all vertically so to speak

try 3

btw - i'm using fireworks - i don't currently don't have PS - i'm wondering is there a command somewhere to convert to grayscale?

 

[Designer Dale]

I'll try.

What is important to your client (not you)? The layout should present the clients message in some easily identified manner. I see this as about the Sulfur Band of Pride with the logos of supporting companies added below. I don't think this is what you should be going for. I would organize something like this in the following order (assuming the repair company is looking for business). 1) Name of company 2) Supporting details
3) We support whatever 4) Contact info.

Just my small monetary unit of thought...

Dale

 

[ChrisA]

I like it because (1) It does not use Flash and (2) it re-sizes to fit my screen rather then showing me dead space or cropping. Just with these two features you are miles above most web designers.

But on the other hand I just can't figure out the purpose of the web page. I'm I supposed to want to buy something? There seems to be a lot of un-related information that I can't see why I should read it or care about it. What's the message? I'm serious. I can't figure out what the page is for

 

[GoCubsGo]

Usability it is there as ChrisA pointed out. However, it is too busy, makes me wonder why, and sorry but I think you need to indicate a review and not an unboxing. It sounds more professional and all those people paying you to be a billboard for them may like it too.

 

[txr0ckabilly]

In response to the above two post:

I am the client. I am selling three of the major things we do at our facility. I am also advertising companies whose products we use (because I'm obligated.)

I don't make adds for other people/companies because I am obviously inept. I am; however, artisticly inclined and enjoy above all else drawing/desingning/painting logos, concert posters, band posters, and the occasional logo or two. Full blown advertisements are obviously not my forte.

With this add (7 1/2 x 5) I did not take into consideration the amount of real estate I had available to use. This is not a web page; it is an add for a local band program.

Again I thank everyone for there honesty (while harsh) and I hope I have used your guidance to produce something that is not painful to the eyes, but still conveys the message I initially set out to pass along.

 

[ezekielrage_99]

The issue is not the content or style, its the visual hierarchy. It would look less cluttered if the information was ordered better from a design and colour POV it would improve dramatically.

I would "pull back" the body of the text and make it about an 80% grey an group the ads a little better.


Good luck.

 

[THX1139]

In response to the above two post:

I am the client. I am selling three of the major things we do at our facility. I am also advertising companies whose products we use (because I'm obligated.)

I don't make adds for other people/companies because I am obviously inept. I am; however, artisticly inclined and enjoy above all else drawing/desingning/painting logos, concert posters, band posters, and the occasional logo or two. Full blown advertisements are obviously not my forte.

With this add (7 1/2 x 5) I did not take into consideration the amount of real estate I had available to use. This is not a web page; it is an add for a local band program.

Again I thank everyone for there honesty (while harsh) and I hope I have used your guidance to produce something that is not painful to the eyes, but still conveys the message I initially set out to pass along.

If you care about your business and product, then hire a professional designer. End of story.

 

[shamrock593]

try 3

btw - i'm using fireworks - i don't currently don't have PS - i'm wondering is there a command somewhere to convert to grayscale?

If this is for print, just remember that Fireworks can't output in CMYK. Don't be surprised when it comes out of the printer looking all weird.

 

[itou]

it lacks thought... is the first critique that comes to mind.

i don't know if it's a matter of lacking taste, but it's not appealing in any way. when i see it, i just don't want to read it.

 

[MattSepeta]

If you care about your business and product, then hire a professional designer. End of story.

Never heard that from you before.

Short on work?

 

[Toppa G's]

Here are my thoughts...

A typical person looking at a program booklet will spend 5 seconds or less looking at each advertiser's ad - if your ad doesn't clearly convey what you do at a glance, it's not likely to be effective.

The three mini-paragraphs of text are too wordy and formal. Very few people are going to read ad paragraphs, and the wildly different and vague supplier logos make it difficult to see the type of services offered at a glance.

I would recommend finding a way to summarize the information related to each logo into very concise items (3-7 words) and present them in a non-paragraph format.

 

[MacBoobsPro]

Ezekialrage nailed it with heirachy!

Figure whats most important and work around that. If its the heading make it the main point of focus and make sure everything else follows in order of importance.

Basic tips:

Use no more than two fonts, however you can use different variants of those two like italics, bold etc (but dont over do it).

One big problem with the 'clutteredness' is the text alignment. Stick with one alignment for all your text. Left aligned is much preferred and easier to work with. If you stick with the 3 columns then make sure the logos align left with the columns too and possibly so they span their respective column entirely. This will give you cleaner lines throughout the piece.

Don't over do it with tracking and kerning (word and letter spacing). If you have chosen a quality typeface then you shouldn't really need to play with the kerning. i.e. it will only make the type look worse.

Try limiting the amount of colours you have used. While what you have used is by no means offensive, limiting the colours can help with clarity when there is a lot of other elements to get in there. Maybe greyscale the logos or use black and white variants.

Regarding the content of the text I would personally put all the 3 columns together into one block of text and reword it slightly so instead of saying 'We..." it says 'Hunter Engineering offer...' that way you don't necessarily need to put the logo next to the text. That will allow a clean block of text and maybe the 3 logos positioned nicely across the bottom or in a column over to the right.

Put 'Tel.' infront of the number if its a telephone number. That number could mean anything.

Hope this helps.

 

[txr0ckabilly]

i appreciate all the comments, information and tips provided in this thread. the last few posts i wish were posted a bit earlier. i had to submit what i had due to a deadline. i'm going to work on it a bit more because i do need to have this ready for the next program/school paper.

FYI the add is B&W but all the artwork/logos i had were in color, i guess i should have mentioned that, occasionally i do need it in color because the red, white, and blue are important to our company.

as to the use of professionals, locally we don't have a big stock of design professionals and the ones that we do have aren't of the caliber you can find in larger metropolitan areas with better design schools. i don't do business over the interwebs after being ripped off years ago for design work i did (artwork not adds). an example is our commercial, which can be seen here. i sent him the logos in .psd and.png and he didn't do anything to clean them up before he used them. i would have at least thought he would have gotten rid of the white back grounds or the white antialiasing (sp?) before putting them in the commercial. i used his product out of necessity due to deadline.

in case you're interested this was the final submital.

i read the design forums a lot and knew i'd get good information from you guys. again thank you very much for all your input.

 

[opeter]

Hi, in the final version, that should be whole grayscale, you have a blue orb or whatever it is in the PPG Envirobase logo.

 

[kymac]

txr0ckabilly, meet the grid.