Critique

Discussion in 'Design and Graphics' started by timimbo85, May 21, 2008.

  1. timimbo85 macrumors regular

    timimbo85

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    #1
    Hey everyone I am working on a flyer for a few comedians. Tell me what you think, I am iffy on the typography in the middle. Any suggestions.
     
  2. klymr macrumors 65816

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  3. timimbo85 thread starter macrumors regular

    timimbo85

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  4. timimbo85 thread starter macrumors regular

    timimbo85

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    #4
    hah yea the file was too big im working on it. Ok file was big so i just took a screen shot
     

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  5. Kwill macrumors 68000

    Kwill

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    #5
    Re: Critique

    It takes a humble person to post their work on a public forum asking for a critique. If this is for friends not paying you much (or nothing at all), it certainly will suffice. If you are doing it because you want to get maximum response and a good portfolio piece, there may be more work to be done.

    For what it's worth, the top portion "Comedy @ Fizz" is fine. The silhouette of city buildings is cool. From there down, however, the poster does not communicate "comedy." Amateur graphic artists may be content with putting monochromatic colors and textures on a page. Pros are artists at visually communicating a sometimes elusive concept. In this example, the viewer should either smile or feel they are missing out on comedy - preferably both - and get excited enough to attend.

    The very depiction of popular comedians can make people smile. For the lesser known, I would approach the "missing out" angle. A dark photo of an audience having a good time could work. If you have a photo of one of them on stage with audience in foreground laughing hard, that could work too. The focus will migrate from the unknown comic to the enjoyment of the audience.

    Even if the comedians are not well known, make them known by using a legible type with bold last names and smaller first names. If any have appeared somewhere else, include that on the posters: 'As seen at the Comedy Store...' or 'Previously appearing with Sinbad...'

    You may not have any control over the Celebrity whatever logo if it is the one used by the place the event is to be held. If it is part your design, perhaps something other than falling is what you want to communicate with the blur effect. Is it an elegant place with white tablecloths? Is it a cosy hole-in-the-wall with graffiti? Is it a place respected for its comedy? Again, communicate a message not an effect.
     
  6. timimbo85 thread starter macrumors regular

    timimbo85

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    #6
    Great critique, I agree with your ideas, but I have spoke with the client and they do not want the "elegant" design as you mention, I as well thought it would be a good idea.

    The logo on the bottom is the companies, I did not design that. But it needs to be placed on the piece.

    I wouldn't consider myself amateur, I have been in the field a year in a half with a few trade show booths under my belt and a lot of marketing material. But I do know that I have tones more to learn.
     
  7. klymr macrumors 65816

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    #7
    Not bad. I agree with what Kwill says about the bottom half of the poster. One thing we were taught in class, and I kinda placed in the back of my mind until reading his post, but the type and image should both work together in telling you what is going on. The idea of the dark crowd would help portray this, among other things. It's not bad overall though. I think the only thing that kinda bothers me is the microphone on the side.

    The whole graffiti theme to me helps to say comedy, but that's because the comedy club we go to is a little hole in the wall place in the city.
     
  8. timimbo85 thread starter macrumors regular

    timimbo85

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    #8
    Tried it out, with the comments given I feel as if this graffiti type works with it, but i see the point where it might be difficult to read, I read it fine. But how is this?

    When I think of comedy clubs I always see the dark bar, kinda not too upscale because these guys are starting out. I guess I kinda got inspiration from the Comedy Central vibe.

    As far as the humble comment, the way I see it is, I want to be a known artist, and with that you must have some confidence in your self, you are my viewers and I get honesty from you so it is great to get honest reviews.
     

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  9. fluidedge macrumors 65816

    fluidedge

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    #9
    distracting photo as a background.

    i'd just make the comics names bigger to fill up some of that green space. I think it looks really good though. It certainly doesn't look naff or home made - i'd look at it and think it was professionally done. You can't do much more than that. You can spend forever and a day on these sort of things, but sometimes you just have to draw a line and say it's done. And it think you're very close to that point now.
     
  10. IgnatiusTheKing macrumors 68040

    IgnatiusTheKing

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    #10
    I like the idea of having a laughing audience, but maybe it should be more stylized to fit in with the rest of the piece, and it might be more effective down at the very bottom (instead of the black, or composited over it somehow). That would also make the text easier to read.

    Overall, though, I like the feel of it.
     
  11. jerryrock macrumors 6502

    jerryrock

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    #11
    I think image placement to the right of the text (immediate left of the mic) would fill the dead space and balance the flyer.

    Can you find an image of one comic performing on stage?
     
  12. Krebstar macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2008
    #12
    The word "virtual" actually stood out to me and bothered me. The effect or effects used on it just scream amateur as much as I hate to use that word. it might be because it is the only white portion of the headline and it drew immediate attention.
     
  13. Kwill macrumors 68000

    Kwill

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    Mar 10, 2003
    #13
    Layout modification

    Wrong crowd. It looks like they should be wearing 3D glasses at a 1950 horror movie. It is tough when relying on stock images. I did some quick digging on iStockPhoto. I've interjected some contrasting analogous colors and merged three stock images with your graphics.

    With hundreds of fonts on my system I did not do a comprehensive analysis - just used what was activated at the time and had the desired weight. You may certainly select something different. I am not usually responsible for copywriting but advertisements should include a call to action. One is included to give you an idea of what is meant. Anyway, can you feel a bit more excitement from this direction? Does it seem like an event you would not want to miss?
     

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  14. IgnatiusTheKing macrumors 68040

    IgnatiusTheKing

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    #14
    I agree the crowd picture could be better, but I think his overall design is much better than yours, and his font selection definitely is.
     
  15. atad6 macrumors regular

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    #15
    Like other people have mentioned it seems to be communicating the wrong message. Since people have such strong emotional ties with color and comedy/laughter has a lot to do with emotions you should experiment with different color combinations that relate more to the message you're trying to communicate.
     
  16. jecapaga macrumors 601

    jecapaga

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    #16
    Font is too hard to read, the line weight of the font is too thin for such important information and the background texture/photo is fighting with it. Use a more straightforward type treatment..not a handwritten thin font. imo.
     
  17. stainlessliquid macrumors 68000

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    Sep 22, 2006
    #17
    Im not sure what kind of comedy show people are expecting but it says "urban comedy night club" to me. It has a Defjam feel to it. Obviously this style doesnt say "Larry the Cable Guy" or "Jerry Seinfeld", but it does say "Chris Rock." The mic is powerful enough to suggest whats going on, more images arent needed unless they are images of the comedians.

    It doesnt need any additional stuff. I would lose the drop shadow and bevel though, and make the names stand out more by giving them more typographic style.
     
  18. jammedpearl macrumors newbie

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    May 13, 2008
    #18
    my $.02

    I like: the upper portion, the background minus the people, the font for 'hosted by and Featuring'

    i dislike: that 'fizz does not stand out more, the font of the names, the blend with the people.

    i would: use a stronger font on the names and perhaps make the last name a bold and lighter color, use kwill's take on the silhouette of the crowd.

    other: the idea of people is great and i think kwill made a great analysis (btw, i think kwill took his comments and made a quick visual of them... i highly doubt that was his cream work.) but the gentleman that stands out the most next to the text does not say 'urban' to me... it say more 'hi, i'm a pc!'

    Kwill- why outer glow on the text? It never prints well - and gives the hey, i found the blending options in PS... also only my $.02
     
  19. fluidedge macrumors 65816

    fluidedge

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    #19
    it think you've now pushed it a bit too far and it looks a bit "MS Publisherish" - I think you were almost there with the second one, it just needs bigger, clearer writing.
     
  20. timimbo85 thread starter macrumors regular

    timimbo85

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    #20
    There are A LOT of great suggestions and comments, so thank you, this is a good example of a great critique.

    I agree with : The font change, it doesn't stand out at all, but then again that was one of my 1st drafts, a good designer should always push it until it is there. The crowd does look pretty 50's, thought that was pretty damn funny too. So that will have a change.

    I will keep the header beveled as I feel it pops at you and really delivers the message. I didn't want to stylize the word "FIZZ", A. Because I am not advertising the bar, well I am but that is not the Focus, and B they have a set logo and Registration laws are in order.

    As far as the "green" this was upon the clients request, they want to work with green because the company sponsoring it is the "celeb. virtual"

    The one thing I have learned thus far in the design field is that no matter what you like or think is good, if the client isn't happy you did not do a good job. So If this thing has to look like it was done by the hulk then damn it, bring on the green. lol

    Thanks again fellas, I knew I could count on Mac designers.

    I will post an up to date later today.
     
  21. Kwill macrumors 68000

    Kwill

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    Mar 10, 2003
    #21
    Color & font mods

    Here's some slight mods:
    1. Replaced condensed (cowboy looking) font
    2. Added green Hue/Saturation layer to curtains
    3. Removed glow around "call to action"

    Again, these are photos I located with a quick search. You might come up with some better ones. The x-star bursts are part of the watermark. The crowd is actually at a concert - not quite the right group either but a good angle - so the curtains were added to simulate a different venue. Searching "comedian" popped up the guy with the mic. Again, this was just one stock photo site. It would be better if you had an actual photo of one of the comedians to use.

    "Green" theme does not necessarily mean everything must be monochromatic - though it should be the dominant color. The background could be colorized (The comedian names may be spelled incorrectly because I could not clearly read the original graffiti script.) BTW, where's the date for comedy "night"? Is it every night at 8PM?

    We look forward to seeing what you come up with.
     

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  22. fluidedge macrumors 65816

    fluidedge

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    Nov 1, 2007
    #22
    whats all this

    [​IMG]

    about?

    I'm not american, but i don't associate that gesture with comedy nights, isn't it more of a heavy metal 'ozzfest' type thing.
     
  23. IgnatiusTheKing macrumors 68040

    IgnatiusTheKing

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    #23
    Maybe he thinks the comedy club is satanic or in Austin.
     
  24. timimbo85 thread starter macrumors regular

    timimbo85

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    #24
    I see what ur saying Kwill, and I got the general point of the imagery you used. The date still needs to be added, I finally got all the info. I am trying to find some good comedy club audience pictures as of now. I am at work right now so it might be a while until i get a chance to work on it.

    Thanks again.
     
  25. Kwill macrumors 68000

    Kwill

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    #25
    When the thumb is extended it means "I love you" in American Sign Language. Again, it is just a comp of a crowd, not a specific image recommendation. In ASL the specific hand symbol depicted is the letter "Y". However, I doubt that this concert crowd is hearing impaired. But then again I can't hear what music they are listening to. :)
     

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