Dealing with cancer, and relatives

[MacDawg]

Six weeks after my dad died of a heart attack, my mother went to the doctor for laryngitis... she was told on the spot that she had lung cancer and was going to die. We went through the biopsy, etc. hoping for the best, but the doctor was right. She took chemotherapy #1 with no effect, #2 almost killed her (dry heaves all night long, about 20 seconds apart). She refused #3 after she got to the hospital. She died within 4 months, 9 months after my dad died.

My mother was strong through the whole ordeal, much stronger than those around her. Many did not understand, asked stupid questions, reacted in inappropriate ways, but she was a rock.

My heart goes out to you and your wife...

Woof, Woof – Dawg

 

[iGary]

My mother was diagnosed with hodgkins lymphoma before I was born.

She had it for 16 years before dying in 1986.

 

[wdlove]

My mother was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma before I was born.

She had it for 16 years before dying in 1986.

I'm very sorry to hear that iGary. Hope that she had enjoyment of life during most of that time.

Having support during this time is very important. During the end of life process Hospice is a valuable organization.

 

[jefhatfield]

Anyway, eventually I will deal with cancer every day. I'm doing a PhD in Medical Physics with research related to prostate cancer treatment; prostate brachytherapy if you want to be specific. I've watched both an HDR and LDR brachytherapy treatment from beginning to end, and watching from the perspective I was watching from made me realize that for certain cancers, they really had things under control.

god bless you for dedicating your talents to fighting cancer

 

[leekohler]

I lost my first friend to cancer when I was 10 years old- she was 10 also. I could list them all, but it seems I've lost a lot of people to that disease in my life, 2 just in the last year. Another friend of mine recently lost his leg to cancer. All I can tell you is this- love and support are the most important things you can give someone dealing with this awful illness. Ignore those who are not being supportive- you won't have the time or energy to deal with their fears and insecurities. My thoughts are with you and your wife. Best wishes for her recovery.

 

[2jaded2care]

Jefhatfield, you and your wife will be in my prayers. Everyone here hopes for the best.

iGary, very sorry for your loss.

Wasn't aware of cancer being particularly taboo, any more so than any serious illness. Can understand people being uncomfortable discussing it with those involved (not knowing what to say), but can't understand distancing themselves because of it. Cutting them some slack, maybe they have a problem dealing with their own mortality...

Another possible factor I didn't see anyone mention is artificial light (google it and see). Not saying that's the cause, but it's troubling that we don't know more about the causes. Further, it's troubling that, although we have made definite advances, we don't have all the cures yet, despite the decades of research and money. Hopefully that will change sooner rather than later, for everyone's sake.

Take care.

 

[Chip NoVaMac]

Jeff, my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

My ex's mother has gone through breast cancer. Been through tow or three remissions.

I am surprised that cancer is still such a taboo word today.

 

[iGary]

Thank you all for this nice words.

With my dad dying suddenly in his sleep about 6 weeks ago, my latest joke (I always use humor to hide the pain) is that I don't have very good luck with parents.

My grandmother died three weeks ago (yeah a crappy month) after it was discovered she had a cancerous brain tumor.

 

[feakbeak]

Jef, I'm sorry to hear about your wife. I'm glad the surgery went well and wish you both the best of luck on the continued treatment. I hope she makes a full recovery.

Gary, I'm sorry to hear about your father and grandmother. It is horrible when tragedies strike often within a short period of time.

My thoughts go out all you who have lost loved ones or are dealing with a terminal illness.

My grandmother has colon cancer. She also has had a very large aortic aneurysm in her abdomen for several years. When she found out about the aneurysm she decided she did not want to have it treated. She's 72 now and has always been very independent - I don't think she wanted to live without having that independence. The cancer has gotten bad recently - hospice has been coming out for a couple of months now. She's barely been out of bed in the past week and she has eaten anything of substance in weeks. It would seem the end is near. I've lost quite a few relatives but none that I was personally very close with. My grandma and I just seemed to "click" and I admire her very much. I will miss her greatly, but I do find solace that she is ready to go and I am amazed at the strength and dignity she has shown in her situation.

 

[wdlove]

dual mastectomy and initial reconstruction has been completed...now they are searching for any traces of cancer and even if all is clear, chemotherapy is on the way

any suggestions on how to deal with these chemo treatments?

...and how does one deal with lymphedema and its side effects?

thanks in advance, and again, thanks for all your prayers and thoughts

I'm very sorry to hear about your wife's cancer and surgery. Were her lymph nodes clear at the time of surgery? Doing a course of chemo therapy is pretty much routine. Don't be surprised if they also suggest radiation.

The nurses at the place where your wife is getting her chemotherapy will be able to provide you with very good advice. That is from being a nurse myself. They will have knowledge of the particular drug being used.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. Finding a support group can be very helpful.

I don't know if you do iChat, but you can feel free to contact me Jef. Would be willing to chat, PM, or E.Mail. iChat seems to be the most beneficial.

 

[Chip NoVaMac]

Thank you all for this nice words.

With my dad dying suddenly in his sleep about 6 weeks ago, my latest joke (I always use humor to hide the pain) is that I don't have very good luck with parents.

My grandmother died three weeks ago (yeah a crappy month) after it was discovered she had a cancerous brain tumor.

I understand the "pain". My first lover attempted suicide months before my Mom passed away. Then ten years later my Dad passes away a week after my birthday, though we had tried to make plans to celebrate my birthday. And then less than six months later,my uncle (the Patriarch of the family, passed what like three days before Christmas.

I have seen your posts about about the trials you are going through. And my heart goes out to you. I trust that Rob is at your side during these troubling times.

 

[jefhatfield]

update:

after a couple of lumpectomies, dual mastectomy, two months of chemo AC, two months of chemo Taxol, start of breast reconstruction, and a start to five years of tamoxifen, things seem to be ok and now it's up to good diet, positive attitude, and compliance with tamoxifen to keep the cancer away

the whole process started in december 2004 with the discovery of a small, non cancerous mass... and the threat of cancer and fighting it will be all over sometime in 2011 when my wife can go off all drugs

everyone, thanks for all the support

my mom had just surgery on one side for breast cancer (mastectomy) and was supposed to go on tamoxifen but the drug made her sick but she has been cancer free for nearly 20 years and is 70

 

[HughJ]

my Mum has recently undergone surgery to remove a few lumps from her breast and is currently recieving Radio and chemo, she's very upbeat about it, she has not told anyone except immediate family of course and her staff as she feels its her business and nobody elses downside of this is she's had to buy a wig at a cost of £4.5k!!

the reason she does not want anyone knowing is simply she does not want peoples pity, she reckons (and rightly so) that once someone finds out about an illness like that they treat you differently...not something she wants

 

[Doctor Q]

... positive attitude ...

Not to minimize the difficulty of cancer treatment in any way, but you've hit on one of the required elements. I hope you have it too, jef.

Serious disease can hit at any age and any time. Just this morning there was a thread here about an eight-month old with acute myelogenous leukemia, so I'm glad you were able to give us some positive news today.

Tamoxifen is serious medicine (gotta watch for side effects on the uterine), but you don't have much choice when you need it. Lesser side effects like loss of hair really bother some people (women especially), but at least that's usually temporary.

 

[Applespider]

Very glad that your wife is on the road to recovery (all being well). I'm pleased to say that the three friends mentioned last time (two of whom were newly in remission) are still doing well.

Positive thought and a healthy lifestyle are all you and your wife can realistically do. Will keep fingers crossed for you both.

 

[0098386]

This topic hit home. My girlfriend has a lump. Though the doctors are saying it's just hard fat, or something, it was a huge shock originally. I just remember my whole body feeling "white", I started to get worried and she said "don't freak out or I will". Very scary moment. Thankfully it is only lumped fat. She's going in to have it removed next week or so. I keep asking if she wants me there to help her but she's so determined to do this on her own.

Before we knew what it was I kept trying to boost her attitude, give her positive energy by the bucket loads. I even said to her "We're going to laugh about this in a few weeks when it's nothing" Keeping positive is always a good thing.

We still don't know what the doc means by "removing". Wether it will be in an operation or just some injection to break up the fat. Hah, Caroline really hates injections

 

[Doctor Q]

She's going in to have it removed next week or so. ... We still don't know what the doc means by "removing".

Tell her to not let doctors leave her (and you) in the dark about what's going to happen. She should ask all the questions that come to mind and know the plan ahead of time. Having a lump is scary enough. I think that being uninformed about what the doctor will do and what she can and should do for herself makes it even scarier.

 

[mpw]

Tell her to not let doctors leave her (and you) in the dark about what's going to happen. She should ask all the questions that come to mind and know the plan ahead of time. Having a lump is scary enough. I think that being uninformed about what the doctor will do and what she can and should do for herself makes it even scarier.

I agree 100%. When I had cancer it was literally the day of my operation to remove the lump that the doctor came to see me during pre-op and was explaining that the nurse would be coming along with some meds in 10mins. and then they'd send me down to theatre an hour after that, and (most casually like an after thought) would I be wanted children in the future 'cause he'd try and take a sperm sample to save just in case the op turned out to be more involved than he was hoping!!! I was 21years old and up until that moment hadn't wanted kids but also hadn't been advised the option was about to be all but removed anyway, it was kinda a shock at the worst possible time.

Like DocQ says talk it through with the doctor. One of the doctors I had during my treatment used to record all our consultations and give me the tape (it was purely for my benefit) so I could take it home and listen to everything he said again to make sure I was clear in my mind. Maybe ask if you can record your consultations so you don't miss anything and don't be afraid to ask as many questions as you need, these guys have had years of training, you haven't so it won't necessarily go in first time (well not for me).

Whatever, good luck, to you and anyone else in similar circumstances.