Dealing with prejudice.

[floyde]

Ok, so I've come a long way since the "Friend Zone" thread. I now have a girlfriend and she's great ; she is the kind of person who always gives as much as she receives (as opposed to someone I knew who took everything without ever giving anything back). The only problem is, she's from a different world, socially. Let's say that I've had a much more posh upbringing than her...

Rationally, I have no problem at all with this notion. I don't care one bit about social stature or any of that bs. However, unconsciously, I feel a slight unease about certain situations. For instance, today we're going to my brother's birthday party. It will be the first time she'll meet anyone from my family or any of my friends (we've been only going out for a week). Lots of posh, pedantic people will be there... My GF has some awkward outfit choices (i.e. shoes with leopard dots, etc.) that perhaps wont be up to the standards of these people.

I know I shouldn't care about this at all, but something in my mind is making me nervous about this situation. I'm posting this hoping that I'll get comments such as "don't be such a n00b, if you like her, that's all that matters" or "dude, stop whining, what other people think about your GF is irrelevant". I wish I could control my mind and follow my rational advice which says "social stature is bs and a person's wardrobe doesn't determine their worth", hopefully I will. Thx for listening

 

[MacDawg]

Don't be such a n00b, if you like her, that's all that matters

Seriously

Love is rare, don't miss an opportunity when it comes

Woof, Woof - Dawg

 

[ivtecDOu]

and this has to do with prejudices how????

 

[redwarrior]

This has nothing to do with prejudice, only your own insecurities about how other people will judge your girlfriend and possibly you because of it. You have to decide to shun judgment by others. This has nothing to do with your girlfriend or prejudice.

 

[kymac]

never in any situation let your friends choose your enemies.. theres reasons you like her..

 

[floyde]

and this has to do with prejudices how????

Well the society that I grew up in has wired some prejudices on my mind such as, not being able to date people from other social classes, or people who dress in ways that are different from the accepted norm. I'm intelligent enough to know that this is bs, but somehow the environment in which I've lived still affects me unconsciously .

I'm also referring to the prejudices that some of these people at the party will most certainly have about my GF.

Anyway, thanks for the support guys, sometimes I need to be reminded that I'm such a total n00b

 

[RainForRent]

To be the one to argue, standing out has its time and its place. But also, there are times to just fit in. If you have to spend time with people who really care about clothes, just for one day, wear something to appease them. They are just clothes, after all. But I wouldn't stress about it. That's something to talk about a little further down the road.

 

[cleanup]

Keep a level head. She's your girlfriend. If you're worried about what people will think of you for having her as your girlfriend, then perhaps you place these social norms at a level higher than you thought you did. If you care about the people themselves in your social circle, then do that. Care about them—not about what they think.

 

[Kardashian]

Let the bitch rock her leopard print, mate!

I thinks its amaze.

Maybe its the homo-fashionista in me.

 

[skunk]

There's no need to be nervous just because she has better taste in footwear than you do. Accept it.

 

[Sesshi]

Let the bitch rock her leopard print, mate!

I thinks its amaze.

Maybe its the homo-fashionista in me.

You obviously don't move in his circles

Personally, if I felt that strongly about it I'd have the balls to ask her to accommodate my uptight folks a little without having to ask anyone else for advice. The fact is that when people move outside of the circles they're usually in, they may have to make some changes one way or another to fit in.

Of course, on the other hand this could be anxiety on your part about how you want her to be.

I'd decide which is which.

 

[floyde]

Thanks for all the great advice/insights. I'm heading for the party now, I expect to have a great time with my lovely girlfriend . I'll let you know how it went tomorrow.

 

[iJohnHenry]

Always remember what a brilliant mind said:

"You have no responsibility to live up to
what other people think you ought to accomplish."

Richard Feynman (1918-1988)​

 

[Sesshi]

Always remember what a brilliant mind said:

"You have no responsibility to live up to
what other people think you ought to accomplish."

Richard Feynman (1918-1988)​

"Unless you're getting a paycheck, or mooching off them"

Sesshi (I ain't dead yet)​

 

[Eric Piercey]

You say you don't care about all that stuff, but clearly you do. Wanna get over it really quick? Imagine one of your high society buddies, one who doesn't have your hang-ups hitting it off with your new girl and stealing her away. My advice since you asked is worry less about others judgement.

 

[Lyle]

This is all so Pretty in Pink.

 

[Sesshi]

Ooo. So true. Vacuous teen angst FTW.

 

[floyde]

You say you don't care about all that stuff, but clearly you do. Wanna get over it really quick? Imagine one of your high society buddies, one who doesn't have your hang-ups hitting it off with your new girl and stealing her away. My advice since you asked is worry less about others judgement.

True. It is something inside me, of course, otherwise I wouldn't care about it that much. I had a long therapy session about this and it seems that the roots of my discomfort are much more deeper, but I'm sure that I'll get over it eventually.

I must admit that I was still rather uneasy at the party. My girlfriend adequately chose the leopard shoes and the people there were posher than I had anticipated (there were also some other, more down-to-earth people). So now that I survived my worst case scenario, I think I'm one step closer to dealing with those insecurities. My brother said that he thought my gf was really nice. It'll take me a little while, but I'm sure that I will get over this eventually.

 

[Melrose]

I read the title really quick, just a glance, and thought it said "Dealing with Beetlejuice"

Sorry just had to let everyone know that...

 

[OscarTheGrouch]

similiar situations with my now wife..


ill just say after 5 years of marriage, i havent spoken to my mom since last november..

just make sure you know who you love.

 

[MrSmith]

If this thing's going to fall apart let it do so naturally. Don't preempt it.

 

[Abstract]

I know I shouldn't care about this at all, but something in my mind is making me nervous about this situation.

I agree with your logic regarding her social status being unimportant, but I can also understand how this situation will make you a bit nervous. I think it should. In a case like this, I feel that it's natural to feel this nervousness despite my belief that you should not have to worry. This is in a perfect, ideal world, of course. In reality, people can be pricks, and if some idiot relative or friend says something to put a damper on the night, it's not a good feeling.

Anyway, hope you're having fun. Try not to worry too much and enjoy your time. Also, rather than leaving her alone to talk with your family, make sure you check in with her from time to time to see if she's OK, even if you just wave to her from across the room, give her a look, a discreet ass grab, etc.

 

[r1ch4rd]

I'm so glad that my friends and family aren't posh

 

[iShater]

similiar situations with my now wife..


ill just say after 5 years of marriage, i havent spoken to my mom since last november..

just make sure you know who you love.

Wow, i haven't spoken to some members of my family since I got married (7 years ago), but parents can be a much tougher thing. We are what would be considered different cultures/races, so earlier on in some situations it made things somewhat awkward.

I am sure it still does for her, as for me, I fit almost everywhere no problem. Ok, not everywhere, but I love different environments ... and food. Food gotta be the glue that keeps us all together