Edit my paper?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by fireshot91, Aug 24, 2009.

  1. fireshot91 macrumors 601

    fireshot91

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Location:
    Northern VA
    #1
    Since nobody is willing to do this from my friends circle, and I'm horrible in English, I thought I'd come here for advice. I'm not saying to write it for me or anything, just edit it, or revise, etc.

    The book is titled Carrie by Stephen King (It was his first published book).

    Oh, the entry needs to be a response to the question, not a plot summary, as it says in the directions.
    The question is "If you were recommending this book to someone else, how would you describe the way the author writes (His/her writing style)? What do you like about it; what don't you like about it?"

    Here's my Journal Entry:


    In the book Carrie by Stephen King, the writing style that is applied throughout the novel is an intriguing one. Instead of using chapters, as in the norm, he used quotes from other novels and passages to differentiate between chapters. Additionally, King uses many descriptive words, as well as disturbingly detailed adjectives to give the reader a better image in their mind. Stephen King purposely made his characters speak in a certain dialect in order to exemplify the effect of how people speak in that section of the country. He also spent a lot of time on describing how each object was placed and looked within its surroundings. The best feature that I liked about his writing style was that he kept the reader entertained throughout the duration of the book. On the other hand, what I didn’t enjoy about his writing style was that he was too narrative, and there wasn’t enough action. The book was also very graphic in some parts, such as the vivid description of the menstrual cycle, and wasn’t made for people with a weak stomach.


    All suggestions are welcome, bad or good. Preferably, if it's bad, tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.
    Also, I wouldn't mind if any of you didn't like one of the sentences, and re-wrote it better for me :p.

    Oh, it needs to be about 300 words, but so far I've got about 180.
     
  2. SilentPanda Moderator emeritus

    SilentPanda

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Location:
    The Bamboo Forest
    #2
    I suck at English (the class, not as much the language) but I would probably give an example or some such in this sentence:

    Otherwise it pretty much says "I liked this book because it was entertaining".
     
  3. arkitect macrumors 601

    arkitect

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2005
    Location:
    Bath, United Kingdom
    #3
    But what made it a succesful horror story? Apart from a mention of the name and author you may as well be describing The Mayor of Casterbridge

    Edit: And use some paragraphs.;)
     
  4. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #4
    The first thing that catches my eye is the fact that you refer to this as a journal entry. Is there a level of formality that applies to a journal entry? What I mean is how would one edit this paper? If you tell me it is an essay I could easily decide how to edit, but if you say it is a journal then I am typically drawn to relax quite a bit.

    Nevertheless, you do need to state if the "journal" entry needs to be in any format or is it just free for all.

    If you want a content editor then here are my thoughts:
    The writing style is intriguing? How come? You stated mainly it was due to his use of quoting other novels and passages but if I had not read the book I would be lost already. I am also lost on why you called this intriguing. Like I said, what makes the lack of actual chapter numbers intriguing? Is it that the reader is welcomed into a book that will read more like a movie perhaps and less like a book where they're inclined to put it down after a certain chapter for the night?

    The reasons you gave for intrigue seem far less intriguing to me. But that is me and again I'm looking at content. Using adjectives (words that are descriptive) do not intrigue me one bit.

    What section of the country do the characters hail from? Perhaps elaborate on that. How did he keep the reader entertained? Did he fill the book with mindless details and you were so confused that you were forced to pay attention which is being confused for being entertained? How can you say you were intrigued by his descriptive words and then call him too narrative? Better yet, how can you say he keeps the reader entertained then go on to say there wasn't enough action? I wonder if you're confusing opinions. Finally, being graphic was intriguing and now not so much due to your early introduction into a menstrual cycle. I think you can explain this without sounding as though this is all you took issue with. There are many other parts you can draw from in other words.

    To really sum it up, I am left confused. Was this book good or bad? Shallow or deep? Entertaining or not?

    I also believe that in your OP you should omit the quest to have someone rewrite this for you. I've done all I can not to rewrite it because I want to, but you need to learn this as that is the point of your paper. ;) And if you can't write 300 words on Carrie ... well, I'm wondering if you really understood the book. Perhaps we can help you there.
     
  5. fireshot91 thread starter macrumors 601

    fireshot91

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Location:
    Northern VA
    #5
    Yes, I suck at English class too, yet I'm pretty good with punctuation, and words.
    I don't know what I can put in there exactly. Anybody that read the book/movie can chime in here.


    haha, I can't use paragraphs. I mean I can, but the directions give off a vibe of it being like a journal, not a paragraphed essay.

    I don't know what made it a successful horror story. It was just good. Before actually going online and doing research (Yet, after I read the book), I thought it was just a sci-fi mystery. I didn't classify it as a horror book, and I still don't, but the other folks on the interwebs do, so I guess they have a reason to.



    Ah, Jessica. You never fail to complicate my life. After reading your criticism, I am now wanting to trash this, and re-write it completely.

    For like the fifth edit of this post: jessica. You should like you read the book, do you remember what state/city it took place in? I forgot :eek:, and can't find it through Google.
     
  6. arkitect macrumors 601

    arkitect

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    Bath, United Kingdom
    #6
    So you're going to write 300 words minimum without break? Interesting…

    You have read it, right? ;)
     
  7. fireshot91 thread starter macrumors 601

    fireshot91

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Location:
    Northern VA
    #7
    And yes, It'd be a 300 word paragraph
    Haha, Yes I did read it. I don't think I could even come up with that many words to write about on a book that I've never read.
     
  8. arkitect macrumors 601

    arkitect

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2005
    Location:
    Bath, United Kingdom
    #8
    That was my original point.
    What you wrote could have been written about just about any book…

    There is nothing specific to Carrie, by Stephen King.

    Sorry if I seem harsh, but… :eek:
     
  9. samiwas macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    #9
    A few suggestions: You use several different tenses throughout the entry. Generally, a paragraph written such as this one should stick to a single tense. In one sentence, you say, "he used...", while in the next sentence, you say, "he uses...". I would stick with the present tense (uses).

    Also, it's better to refer to "King" instead of "he" to keep it clear who you are talking about. And lastly, the correct wording for one sentence is "...a better image is HIS mind."

    Just a few pointers on writing (I'm not getting into whether it's appropriate content). :D
     
  10. fireshot91 thread starter macrumors 601

    fireshot91

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Location:
    Northern VA
    #10
    Not harsh at all. Okay, just a tad..

    I don't know what I can put though. I mean, I've added in some corrections in my journal thing, but not enough to show that it's about Carrie.

    And yes, entertainment doesn't have to be through action. I found the book very fun, and it kept me up at night. I actually read the whole book in two nights. Going to bed at around midnight, and sleeping at 3:30 AM, doing nothing but reading the book, so yeah, it was entertaining, but it didn't have enough action. Get it?:confused:
     
  11. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #11
    I like uh read the book. :)

    Look, I was not trying to complicate things and I'm rather perplexed why you'd come here looking for help and then give people sh*t for helping you. For once, what I have to say was delivered with some seriousness and drive to really help pull out of you what you should be able to deliver on with minimal effort.

    samiwas is also correct in using "King" over he but I was more lost (personally) on whether or not the book sucked.

    When I made reference to being confused it was not that I haven't read the book, it was that if I let my mind escape from this fact and I read your journal entry (which you've yet to explain how the format should go and whether a writing style needs to be applied), I am so very confused. It's simple, does it suck or not? Answer that and run with it. You flop like a fish out of water.

    As for not knowing what to do? How is it even possible that you can say that even after my post? Have you answered every question I asked?
     
  12. barr08 macrumors 65816

    barr08

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2006
    Location:
    Boston, MA
    #12
    I was going to say the same thing. When writing about literature, one should always use the present tense.
     
  13. fireshot91 thread starter macrumors 601

    fireshot91

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Location:
    Northern VA
    #13


    First, that was supposed to be a "you sound like you read the book". My mistake.
    Second, it wasn't meant in a bad way, but in a "Okay, I now know that my writing sucks, and I should probably re-write it" kinda way.
    Third, Thank you for that.

    Okay, let's start answering questions shall we?

    The journal entry doesn't have a format, other than it being a journal entry. Atleast, that's what I got out of it.
    The book doesn't suck. I liked it a lot, yet there wasn't enough action for the type of book it was supposed to be. It kept me entertained, that's why I liked it. It kept me entertained by the story plot, and by me wondering what was going to happen next, not by the amount of action.

    I'm trashing my "topic sentence" (Quotes because I can't really call it that). How about something like "Stephen King has an infamous writing style displayed throughout his books, and it is just as prominent in the novel Carrie." ?

    Any questions I skipped over/missed/failed to answer?

    EDIT: I meant "You sound like you read the book".
     

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