I hope the mods don't mind, but I created a second SN expressly for asking this question. I've uniquely identified myself enough with my other SN that I believe people could recognize who I am possibly. I have very severe OCD (along with other anxiety problems). I guess everyone thinks their OCD is unique and I do as well. My most prominent OCD for the last decade or so has been with recording ideas and thoughts. It started about 8 years ago with me writing down the times of day I took my medication. Then I started recording more and more details of my life on scraps of paper, notebooks, whatever I could find until it exhausted me. Then I thought I had found a savior: typing it all out on my computer. Still I wrote more and more and it exhausted me. Then I thought I found another savior: I created audio recordings on my computer when I needed "talk time." This turned into audio recording all day long. Which then turned into audio recording all day and night long, which has now turned into video recording myself 24 hours a day. I know as you're reading this you're probably thinking get professional help, why are you telling us this, but I do have and have had professional help since I was 15 years old. I've had a pretty rough life since my early teenage years. Unfortunately, I was put on a medication by a doctor at that age that I have never been able to get off of. It causes memory loss and that is why I no longer trust myself. People around me say it is just my OCD. And I know it is OCD. I just believe it is OCD along with having a very impaired mind and memory. I don't trust myself without being on video. I think of at as a nanny. To make sure I don't get something septic (one of my other OCDs, that I will get things around me septic if I don't follow the right precautions), to make sure I don't forget my medicine or accidentally take it twice, to make sure I don't sleep walk and take pills or poison myself in some way (another OCD that I will accidentally poison myself which I worry is more likely when I am always feeling impaired and confused and making gaffes--I should be clear I am not suicidal--worrying about accidentally hurting yourself is a common OCD). And I truly do feel impaired. I truly do not trust myself. There's also the issue of me wishing I had recorded myself my entire life. I really have a hard time feeling like I exist in the present moment let alone remembering anything from earlier in my life. I can remember certain things, but not a normal amount. I had to leave college in a traumatic way some 8 years ago and I was in therapy for about three years with a particular therapist and I don't feel like I can remember one thing we talked about. It's a frightening feeling for someone who wants to be in control. I don't remember what my every day life was like during that period. Everything feels very unreal and my memory seems barely there. The computer gives me comfort, that if I had to, I could look back and see what I was doing, what I talked about, what I was saying. I feel like it's the memory I don't have. On the other hand I'd like to protect my computer and be able to shut the g'damn thing once in a while, or just once! Part of me wants to stop recording very badly because I like to keep things nice and I feel every day like I am probably ruining my computer. I have a relatively new MacBook Pro 13", but recording with it (QuickTime Pro on medium settings) it is constantly hot and the fans are constantly going and it constanly uses 30% of the CPU. I even have a stool in my bathroom where I place it if I have to use the toilet, shower, or sink. I carry it with me everywhere. I should also explain because it probably wouldn't be obvious that when I am by myself, I am frequently frequently talking to myself, analyzing myself my thoughts. Every thought, every consideration, every minutia of everything is just spoken out loud so it gets recorded. It would be nice to close the computer sometimes. I realize writing this to people who don't know me how bizarre this must sound which is refreshing. It is so normal to me, my family and doctors. ANd i know you're thinking why don't you just go off the drug, why doesn't your doctor help you, why would your doctor put you on an addictive drug, you have to do something, but when you're here, when you've been at this as long as I have, you just know some things they just don't care about and some things you just live with and there's not much more to do. I could tell you that I am on a drug that was known to be more addictive than heroin in the 1960s and yet I was put on indefinitely in 1997 as a child and it can cause death if you withdraw from it and I can tell you that yes even if I saw another psychiatrist there's not much they can do and they usually even encourage me to increase the dose, and that even now the doctors will admit very little about the impairment and addiction it causes, but I don't normally say that because people tend to not believe me and I sound like a victim but I guess I said it all indirectly anyhow. The brave challenge to my OCD would be if I just used an audio recorder (which I have) to audio record myself during the day. I don't know if it is a risk I should take. I already feel exhausted all the time and it would be very stressful to switch and I feel like I would have to exponentially increase my narration of what I am doing in order to make up for the lack of video. And to think this is just one of my OCDs and OCD is just one of my problems in life. Arggg.... I guess in a strange way I am asking both for people's thoughts on the damage I do to my computer and also any sort of opinions on whether I should be brave and just audio record myself. Or if there are any alternatives. I even thought of getting a home security system to video tape myself but it made me feel creepier about myself than I already do. I wish I were on a reality show! I wouldn't have to worry about it. I guess I could just video tape myself when I take my pills. I have a total of 11 pills a day to take and with the video I feel very secure that I know I am taking them at the right time and the right amount. Regarding the computer I just feel like I am ruining it or already have because of the wear on the hard disk constantly being written to, the processor constantly running to encode the video, and the heat. I'm surprised I am writing this. I have been videotaping myself like this for a couple of years and I guess I am just wanting to move past it now. And I know I know I should talk to my doctors. They know all of this. And I will share this writing with them. I'm sorry if this was too disturbing to read for anyone. It's one of those things I am very surprised to write about. It's my everyday life, yet something that is to me normal, but I don't talk about. I guess part of me feels less and less connected to the OCD and wants to move on. I want to be free of it. It's just that this one in particular seems partially necessary as I mentioned because of my feeling of impairment and constant confusion and making mental gaffes. So, again, advice on both the OCD itself and other ways to possibly video record myself without taxing the computer would be welcome.