English Help :)

[bc008]

Okay, so I just wrote an entire paper comparing two different articles having to do with in vitro fertilization. I am confident about my paper except for the "interesting opener" start. personally to me nothing about in vitro fertilization is to interesting and i need some ideas.. help?

 

[skunk]

Perhaps a small profile of Louise Brown?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3091241.stm

 

[bc008]

Perhaps a small profile of Louise Brown?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3091241.stm

haha that is actually what the majority of my intro talks about tyvm though!

here it is

In vitro fertilization, or IVF is when a woman’s egg and a man’s sperm are joined together outside of the human body in a lab. The egg is then inserted into the female, and pregnancy continues as normal, with the exception of hormone injections that the female needs. Louise Brown was the worlds first test tube baby, being born on July 25, 1978. While at the time Louise’s birth was considered a miracle, IVF has become a much more common occurrence. I will be comparing and evaluating a WebMD article about IVF as well as a New York Times story about IVF. The New York Times article provided me with a real sense of IVF, talking about the physical,emotional, and financial risks involved, and while the WebMD article talked about risks as well, it didn’t seem to give me the entire picture.

our teacher is usually looking for something along the lines of, "Did you know.." or "Ever Since" etc

 

[jsalzer]

Some technical things

Hey, Buddy,

I'll admit that I'd be the last person to give advice on exciting intros, but if you don't mind, I do have a few technical suggestions for you.



"In vitro fertilization, or IVF is [a process in which] a woman’s egg..."

Because it's not an event.

"The New York Times article provided me with a real sense of IVF, talking about the physical,emotional, and financial risks involved, and while the WebMD article talked about risks as well, it didn’t seem to give me the entire picture."

Since you're comparing the content of the articles, rather than comparing your reactions to the articles, I'd leave yourself out of it. Also, "didn't" is a no-no. You'd end up with something like:

"The New York Times articles provides a real sense of IVF, addressing the physical, emotional, and financial risks involved. While the WebMD article discusses the risks as well, it does not seem to give the entire picture."

Just my thoughts. Good luck!

 

[iObama]

our teacher is usually looking for something along the lines of, "Did you know.." or "Ever Since" etc

My english teacher would SHOOT us if we put "Did you know?" as our intro!

 

[question fear]

Try being creative, something like "The phrase "test tube baby" may invoke the image of a baby growing inside of a tiny glass beaker, but the actual process is more complex and interesting than that!" or something...just an idea.

 

[jsalzer]

My english teacher would SHOOT us if we put "Did you know?" as our intro!

Mine, too. There seems to be some support in some educational circles that forcing all students to learn and use formal (third-person) writing turns them off of writing. Such teachers allow (or even require) first-person, second-person, or even "free-flow" writing.

That's the only reason I didn't question him about the other "I" - his teacher sounded like one of those.

I had to suffer through a few of those radicals in my college writing classes. I can't tell you how sickening it was to read, "your writing is too formal, which may turn off your audience. Use 'you' more." Hello! My audience is a college professor of English! I shouldn't have to dumb it down for you.

Not that I'm still bitter.

 

[jsalzer]

Try being creative, something like "The phrase "test tube baby" may invoke the image of a baby growing inside of a tiny glass beaker, but the actual process is more complex and interesting than that!" or something...just an idea.

Brilliant! I love it.

Do you do consulting? I'm working on my dissertation as we speak, and I have the worst introduction ever.

 

[dcubed20]

do something like

"Throughout the course of history, humanity has been obsessed with fertility and reproduction. We have always sought to use every explanatory power in our disposal, from superstition to science, to help us better fulfill our fundamental drive to further our own species. Those in fields of reproductive research would say we've come a long way since the days of fertility idols, as the field of in vitro fertilization has at long last given thousands of infertile people the opportunity to have children."

basically anything is good if you start with "throughout the course of history"

 

[bc008]

phew! here is the final intro

It was once thought impossible for conception to occur outside the body, but in the past 30 years, that idea has changed forever. In vitro fertilization, or IVF, is a process in which a woman's egg and a man's sperm are joined together outside of the human body in a lab. The egg is then inserted into the female, and pregnancy continues as normal, with the exception of hormone injections that the female needs. Louise Brown was the worlds first baby using the IVF process, being born on July 25, 1978. While at the time Louise's birth was considered a miracle, IVF has became a much more common occurrence. I will be comparing and evaluating a WebMD article about IVF as well as a New York Times story about IVF. The New York Times article provided a real sense of the IVF process, talking about the steps involved, while the WebMD article provided that, as well as broader information about the subject.

 

[fireshot91]

Got a question for you college folks: Do you have to take an English class in college?

 

[jsalzer]

Got a question for you college folks: Do you have to take an English class in college?

In general, you're looking at two semesters of writing courses, which may or may not actually be about writing (in some schools with high "traditional age" populations, these may get taken over with "Intro to College" or "Getting to Know Yourself" or "Great Books" material).

Add to that one speech class. Usually "Intro to Speech", "Beginning Speech", or "Public Speaking", although some colleges will allow the requirement to be fulfilled by courses such as "Interpersonal Communications" or "Group Discussion".

If you need remedial coursework, add a writing class or two to the beginning. If you're a Business major, you may need "Business Writing".

Those are all generalizations. Some colleges are very different. And some are very, VERY different.

 

[Cave Man]

phew! here is the final intro

OK, here we go...

It was once thought impossible for conception to occur outside the body, but 30 years ago that belief changed. In vitro fertilization, or IVF, is a process in which an egg and sperm are joined outside of the human body in a lab. The fertilized egg is then implanted into the female endometrium, and pregnancy continues as normal, with the exception of hormone injections that the female needs. Louise Brown was the world's first baby born using the IVF process on July 25, 1978. While at the time Louise's birth was considered a miracle (and a sin by many), IVF has became a much more common practice. I will compare and evaluate a WebMD article about IVF and a New York Times story about IVF. The New York Times article provided a detailed description of the IVF process, discussing the steps involved, while the WebMD article provided much of the same, as well as broader information about the subject.

Be glad you're not in my class.

 

[jsalzer]

Baby Scientist Runs Amok!

"Louise Brown was the world's first baby born using the IVF process on July 25, 1978."

Hopefully she wasn't born using the IVF process.

How about:

"Louise Brown, born on July 25, 1978, was the world's first baby born as a result of the IVF process."

On another train of thought - how did the WebMD article go from being less complete to including the same information and then some?