English Help :)

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by bc008, Jan 5, 2009.

  1. bc008 macrumors 68000

    bc008

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2007
    Location:
    Michigan
    #1
    Okay, so I just wrote an entire paper comparing two different articles having to do with in vitro fertilization. I am confident about my paper except for the "interesting opener" start. personally to me nothing about in vitro fertilization is to interesting and i need some ideas.. help?
     
  2. bc008 thread starter macrumors 68000

    bc008

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2007
    Location:
    Michigan
    #3
    haha that is actually what the majority of my intro talks about ;) tyvm though!

    here it is


    our teacher is usually looking for something along the lines of, "Did you know.." or "Ever Since" etc
     
  3. jsalzer macrumors 6502a

    jsalzer

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2004
    #4
    Some technical things

    Hey, Buddy,

    I'll admit that I'd be the last person to give advice on exciting intros, but if you don't mind, I do have a few technical suggestions for you.

    :)

    "In vitro fertilization, or IVF is [a process in which] a woman’s egg..."

    Because it's not an event.

    "The New York Times article provided me with a real sense of IVF, talking about the physical,emotional, and financial risks involved, and while the WebMD article talked about risks as well, it didn’t seem to give me the entire picture."

    Since you're comparing the content of the articles, rather than comparing your reactions to the articles, I'd leave yourself out of it. Also, "didn't" is a no-no. You'd end up with something like:

    "The New York Times articles provides a real sense of IVF, addressing the physical, emotional, and financial risks involved. While the WebMD article discusses the risks as well, it does not seem to give the entire picture."

    Just my thoughts. Good luck!
     
  4. iObama macrumors 6502

    iObama

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2008
    Location:
    SF
    #5
    My english teacher would SHOOT us if we put "Did you know?" as our intro!
     
  5. question fear macrumors 68020

    question fear

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2003
    Location:
    The "Garden" state
    #6
    Try being creative, something like "The phrase "test tube baby" may invoke the image of a baby growing inside of a tiny glass beaker, but the actual process is more complex and interesting than that!" or something...just an idea.
     
  6. jsalzer macrumors 6502a

    jsalzer

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2004
    #7
    Mine, too. There seems to be some support in some educational circles that forcing all students to learn and use formal (third-person) writing turns them off of writing. Such teachers allow (or even require) first-person, second-person, or even "free-flow" writing.

    That's the only reason I didn't question him about the other "I" - his teacher sounded like one of those.

    I had to suffer through a few of those radicals in my college writing classes. I can't tell you how sickening it was to read, "your writing is too formal, which may turn off your audience. Use 'you' more." Hello! My audience is a college professor of English! I shouldn't have to dumb it down for you.

    Not that I'm still bitter. ;)
     
  7. jsalzer macrumors 6502a

    jsalzer

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2004
    #8
    Brilliant! I love it.

    Do you do consulting? I'm working on my dissertation as we speak, and I have the worst introduction ever.

    ;)
     
  8. dcubed20 macrumors member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2008
    #9
    do something like

    "Throughout the course of history, humanity has been obsessed with fertility and reproduction. We have always sought to use every explanatory power in our disposal, from superstition to science, to help us better fulfill our fundamental drive to further our own species. Those in fields of reproductive research would say we've come a long way since the days of fertility idols, as the field of in vitro fertilization has at long last given thousands of infertile people the opportunity to have children."

    basically anything is good if you start with "throughout the course of history"
     
  9. bc008 thread starter macrumors 68000

    bc008

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2007
    Location:
    Michigan
    #10
    phew! here is the final intro ;)


     
  10. fireshot91 macrumors 601

    fireshot91

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
    Location:
    Northern VA
    #11
    Got a question for you college folks: Do you have to take an English class in college?
     
  11. jsalzer macrumors 6502a

    jsalzer

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2004
    #12
    In general, you're looking at two semesters of writing courses, which may or may not actually be about writing (in some schools with high "traditional age" populations, these may get taken over with "Intro to College" or "Getting to Know Yourself" or "Great Books" material).

    Add to that one speech class. Usually "Intro to Speech", "Beginning Speech", or "Public Speaking", although some colleges will allow the requirement to be fulfilled by courses such as "Interpersonal Communications" or "Group Discussion".

    If you need remedial coursework, add a writing class or two to the beginning. If you're a Business major, you may need "Business Writing".

    Those are all generalizations. Some colleges are very different. And some are very, VERY different.
     
  12. Cave Man macrumors 604

    Cave Man

    #13
    OK, here we go...

    Be glad you're not in my class. ;)
     
  13. jsalzer macrumors 6502a

    jsalzer

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2004
    #14
    Baby Scientist Runs Amok!

    "Louise Brown was the world's first baby born using the IVF process on July 25, 1978."

    Hopefully she wasn't born using the IVF process. ;)

    How about:

    "Louise Brown, born on July 25, 1978, was the world's first baby born as a result of the IVF process."

    On another train of thought - how did the WebMD article go from being less complete to including the same information and then some? :confused:
     

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