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Ever contemplate giving up on a dream?

freeny

freeny

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Sep 27, 2005
2,064
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I have a dream I have been working towards since I was in high school, 20+ years. I have had some success but nowhere near my goals. Its to the point where this now brings more depression then happiness. Ive been to this point before but always kept on going. Perhaps the time spent on this could be directed at something new or more rewarding.

I am at a crossroads....
 
What sort of dream? Career? A mortgage-free holiday home? A woman? Completing a massive jigsaw puzzle?


I've always been interested in the medical field but only got part of the way there with the massive amounts of schooling required to be a doctor. It will always interest me but I don't think I have the drive to do what it takes. Plus I seriously lost interest when I moved to the UK. The medical field here depresses me, I don't want to be a part of it. :eek:

So I've looked to other interests but have no idea how it will pan out. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. :-S


Seems the pursuit of some things are worth the long term struggle and others aren't.
 
You are very talented. Whatever direction you choose to go, I know that you will give it 110%. I don't think you should give up on your dream necessarily, but possibly it's time to change the path you're taking to get to it. There's usually more than one road to reach a particular destination. Explore your options.
 
Already living mine 20 weeks of the year, just have to gradate from uni then it's 51 :).
 
Give up. :)
Your new goal should be to find a means to and end. What end? A nice retirement for you or a nest egg for your kids. The means should be to find a well paying job thats not too boring.
 
After a while you can fall into the rut of developing your skills just to break into a profession and get less and less personal satisfaction, draining a lot of your drive in the process.
I am not sure what your dream is but it may be good to take a break if possible and find some unofficial outlets for your skills that may bring back the old feelings you had for it.
If it is something like Arts or Entertainment where you may be very skilled but up against sometimes thousands of very skilled people for few spots, it may be a decision only you can make about how long you wish to pursue it as a future profession.
 
I'm not one to rain on anyone's parade, but the problem I have encountered in my own lifetime is that it is necessary to set REALISTIC goals and stick to them.

Supposing I woke up this morning and said "I want to be the President of the United States", I would find that a bit unrealistic. Not accomplishing it wouldn't bother me too much since I know it couldn't be done. Perhaps your frustration stems from the fact that you KNOW you CAN do it, but everything leading up to it is a pain in the ass.

True Story: I also wish to be a physician, and I am now on my way. The journey, frankly, sucked the life out of me for many years. Now that I am on my way, things are looking up, but I don't know if I would wish the seven year festival of pain it took on anyone.

Depends how bright the light at the end of the tunnel is, I guess. And, as I echo those above, I have no idea what your goals are, and therefore it becomes difficult to understand.

Something George Carlin said once that I found very profound: "People seem to have trouble meeting all of their needs, they have so many damn needs they feel they have to fulfill. Drop some of your needs!".

Most people could accomplish meaningful life goals if they learned the art (yes, art) of patience, frugality, focus, self-reflection, and persistence. These things are all a painful, arduous process. In this light, accomplishing goals is a lot harder than going on welfare and eating Cheetos all day.

Best of luck. Consider your goal strongly, and make some choices.
 
Thanks people. Perhaps the break one of you suggested is not a bad idea. I know im not alone and these are decisions that everyone confronts (well most everyone) it just feels that way when its about you.

Not much support when it comes to my friends and family and at times like these I am left to fend for myself or seek advice from complete strangers ;)

Time will tell.... Perhaps Im just having a bad week... Theres always my tivo.
 
You always have a choice. "The beauty of a dream is you never let it go", but you can modify or compartmentalize it.

What is worse? Not having a plan or a dream and living with regret or having a plan and a dream and working toward it - sure it will have bumps along the way, but if you think it is worth it then keep with it.

You could always temper your expectations to be realistic or modified to reflect reality. Or just remove yourself from expectations for without expectations there is no disappointments...;)
 
Always keep your dreams in focus, but adjust for reality.

After 30 plus years, I am realizing a dream/goal that I had a long time ago. It is fun to fulfill it after all these years. :)

But there are other dreams and goals that I've put on the back shelf due to life and the changes it brings. Some are just not important anymore. Others can wait -- and if I don't get them done before I depart God's green Earth, so bit it. Then there are those that I will complete before then.

The key is to review your list on a regular basis and adjust your prioritization as needed.
 
obeygiant said:
Give up. :)
Your new goal should be to find a means to and end. What end? A nice retirement for you or a nest egg for your kids. The means should be to find a well paying job thats not too boring.
Click to expand...

hmmm there is more to life than work and kids.


anyways, on topic:

dreams/goals are important to have. i have mine and its certainly been derailed but i keep it there and continue to make plans to hopefully get there one day. its that 'one day' that can keep you going.

sometimes, as said, you just need to look for a different path there, but that doesn't mean its not attainable.

sometimes, you just need to set it aside and work on the now so that you can work on it later.

its all about pace, and perspective.
 
I don't have any dreams or aspirations, besides the usual, impossible ones. It sucks, but I'm not a skilled, talented, or competitive (or competent) person. I am mediocrity at its finest.
 
Mac OS X Ocelot said:
I don't have any dreams or aspirations, besides the usual, impossible ones. It sucks, but I'm not a skilled, talented, or competitive (or competent) person. I am mediocrity at its finest.
Click to expand...

i find that doubtful. people always think the worst of themselves. but we each have something that we excel at better than those around us, you just might not have found it yet.
 
I've always thought that the point of having a dream was enjoying the journey to reach it.

Mine was to be a professional musician (theatrical musical director/orchestrator). I made it to some small degree, but never made the big time, and after a while decided that working towards that last piece of the dream wasn't really fun any more. I moved on and - after a few false starts - wound up doing something else instead.

That was 25 years ago and I really don't regret giving up that particular dream - I do something else that I also find interesting, I have a great marriage, kids and a granddaughter, and we're comfortable. No complaints OR regrets =]
 
I don't think you should give up on your dream. (Assuming its realistic)

As for just getting a well paying job, that may or may not be interesting to you, might be a step in the wrong direction. This is especially true if the job has nothing to do with your dream. But I suppose the bills have to be paid.

From my experience in pursuing a dream, to become a pilot, I have had to move countries and take a job completely unrelated to my studies(Bsc Aero Eng) to save for the licenses.
I'm trying to move back into my field but am finding it extremely difficult, having said that I will start my flying lessons in April(Hopefully) but thats only the start of the battle.

Its all about commitment and a whole bunch of stubbornness.

That my 2c for what its worth.
 
For what it's worth:

My dream was in the palm of my hand. All I had to do was grasp it and it was mine.

I went to school to learn how to be a better sound engineer and get my bachelors at the same time. When I graduated I networked around to get offered a job as a monitor mixer for a certain high profile band. Even though it had taken me 5 years to get to this point I decided not to take their offer for several reasons. I would have been touring for 11 straight months out of every year which conflicted with my plans to be a family man. I found out through going to school and interning that I absolutely HATE most of the people that work in the entertainment industry (artists, producers, etc). The hours suck even when you have seniority, unless you're extremely blessed.

My decision to back down on my career dream, to become a father has been the best I've ever made. I don't have a high paying job now but the people I work with are wonderful and I have many bosses that have taught me a lot. I now live in one of the towns I'd always wanted to and have become a part of a wonderful family that loves to travel together. My wife is pregnant and I can't wait!

One dream felled for another.
 
Eric Piercey said:
Tough question. It sounds like your dream is one of those semi-tangible ones. What's the cost of following it?
Click to expand...

The stress and lost time of working towards something and coming up short.

the crappy feeling of failure and self doubt.

Questioning weather that time would/could be spent on other things....

and a chance of success from passionate hard work.
 
Dreams are what make you different... outside the status quo of the non-dreaming sheeple.

It's ok to "give up" a dream when it no longer meets your needs. And sometimes (often!) we deal with setbacks and moments where you don't think you can overcome the obstacles. A break can help. Perspective is EVERYTHING. (You're an artist, right?)

I've been successful reaching some, but not all of my dreams. What's important is you realize this is part of it, too. If you could easily accomplish all your dreams, then life would be BORING. (I think that's a big part about why we're here in the physicality.)

The one thing I do know, I've never been happier than I am going after my dreams. Even with the bad times. The total balance is far far better than the alternative, which is trashing the whole idea that dreaming is possible.

During your break, or "perspective" time, make sure to check the other aspects of your life (both personal and interpersonal) that might have gotten neglected. Sometimes we get too wrapped up in our dreams that the here-and-now gets a bit tweaked, and we have to fix those things so that dream chasing work.

It might sound silly, but try reading some inspirational quotes (just google it, or stop by the library or bookstore and flip through some pages). It really can make a difference and help with your outlook.

"Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake." - Henry David Thoreau

Here is a link:

http://www.inspirational-quotes.info/dreams.html

PS One more thing... make sure you are physically "ok" Seriously, you are in your late 30s or so? Me too. Simple things like hormone levels change as we age and this affects our perception in strange ways. This can affect men beginning in their 30s. Make a "wellness" visit to a doctor! PM me for further discussion if necessary.
 
freeny said:
I have a dream I have been working towards since I was in high school, 20+ years. I have had some success but nowhere near my goals. Its to the point where this now brings more depression then happiness. Ive been to this point before but always kept on going. Perhaps the time spent on this could be directed at something new or more rewarding.

I am at a crossroads....
Click to expand...

What is it?
 
freeny,

I feel like quite a few of your past posts that I've seen don't jive with my own opinions and views, but your OP in this thread? Very closely resembles how I'm feeling of late. :eek:

My time frame's not quite the same as yours-- my "dream" or projection for my life took a drastic change in April 2003. Since then, I've been struggling to right myself and to get a stable footing and yes-- everything I had ever projected for myself changed. It had to.

But about a year ago, a new dream materialized on the horizon. And I'm still clinging to it-- despite internal conflict. Despite others telling me (out of care for me) to abandon this dream. This silly, quite possibly ends-in-ruins dream.

I waver between giving up... and fervently shaking my head and doggedly hoping and doing what I can to make this dream a reality.

I have no answers for you.

Just wanted to say that I can relate in some ways... and it's nice to know for once, that I'm not alone in this regard.

If you decide to keep dreaming and keep working towards it, congrats and good luck. If you decide you've had enough, then again, congrats and best of luck in your newfound pursuits.

As for me? I think I'll keep on with this dream for as long as I can. :)
 
Oscar Wilde once said "All of us are in the gutter, only some of us are looking at the stars." - this is one of my favourite sayings because it's what we try to be that makes us different, what makes us who we are and what type of person we will be.

For me, it's kind of funny - I never materialized my dreams, I just knew I liked graphic design (bingo: I'm a web designer now and have a very sweet setup with my company); I also had an interest in media and entertainment (again: I work at a radio station and have an afternoon show) - I never planned for either of these, they just kind of happened because that's what I was interested in and thus the direction I took. While I'm not Buddhist or anything like that, I do believe that there's a kind of 'global energy' that will change thing for you, subtly, as you lean in that direction.

You also have to reach for your dream, but at the same tim learn to be a=content with small goals and at times little bits of progress - eventually you cover way more ground than you realize.
 
Maybe you should have a look at your dream and break it down. Then you'll see what steps you need to take to get there. Make each step a goal (such as getting the qualifications, etc), so that you have successes along the way. That replaces a feeling of failure for not getting there with a feeling that you have made progress, and is a much more positive way of looking at it.

The added benefit is that each step towards that dream is something you've learned, and the skills that you pick along the way can be used elsewhere should you actually decide to abandon the dream.

For me my path is
Get the qualification I want (not need) to have
Get work experience
Change career
Build networks
Get where I want to be without having to sacrifice my other dreams
 
devilot said:
I have no answers for you.
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Not looking for answers, Im very aware these are the type of questions one needs to answer by themselves.

Just baring witness with a struggle we must all undertake in our own lives.

My dream is career oriented and im forced to confront it every day.
Im assuming Im just having a bad week...

Thanks for being candid devilot :)
 
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