Federal boffins: 'Giant invading snakes' will soon rule USA

[edesignuk]

Much of the United States - including "urban and suburban areas" - may soon be overrun by a plague of "giant, invasive snakes" capable of "attacking and killing people", according to genuine federal boffins.

The scientists in question are those of the US Geological Survey, which yesterday published a terrifying report warning of the imminent reptilian conquest.

According to top government snake men Gordon Rodda and Robert Reed, no less than nine "giant non-native snake species" are preparing to sweep as far north as the Mason-Dixon line, with "tens of thousands" of hostile, peckish maneaters already massing in Florida.

"These snakes mature early, produce large numbers of offspring, travel long distances, and have broad diets that allow them to eat most native birds and mammals,” sayd Dr Rodda.

The Register.

*avoids Florida*

 

[dmr727]

I welcome our Giant Invading Snake overlords!

 

[iBlue]

It'll be okay. They've got guns and Samuel L Jackson.

 

[Tower-Union]

lol +1 for that. Must say it sucks that its already only 17 degrees up here in Canada (Yes I converted to Farenheit for you ) But it is rather nice to know the invading reptiles will never make it up this far

 

[iShater]

I want to know how they figured out they were "preparing to sweep as far north...".

Did they intercept communication? see some terrorist jabs? got informants?

 

[Unspoken Demise]

I want to know how they figured out they were "preparing to sweep as far north...".

Did they intercept communication? see some terrorist jabs? got informants?

Thats the Patriot Act at work.

 

[rdowns]

That was great!

Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherf*****g snakes on this motherf*****g plane!

 

[iShater]

I'm itching to watch that movie again.

 

[Jaffa Cake]

...top government snake men...

I assume they're snake experts and not literally 'snake men'...



...which is a shame because they'd be quite ace, especially if they worked for USsss Sssstate Ssssecurity.

 

[yg17]

Are these of the trouser snake variety?

 

[Peterkro]

Are these of the trouser snake variety?

Like Africanized (sic) bees they'll be black with oversized body parts.

 

[GSMiller]

We must protect this house!

 

[BoyBach]

How does one become a 'boffin'? It's surely the greatest job title ever!

"Me? Oh, I'm a boffin!"

 

[patrick0brien]

I assume they're snake experts and not literally 'snake men'...

View attachment 198802

...which is a shame because they'd be quite ace, especially if they worked for USsss Sssstate Ssssecurity.

Why the hell does that guy have biceps?!?

 

[Jaffa Cake]

How does one become a 'boffin'? It's surely the greatest job title ever!

"Me? Oh, I'm a boffin!"

Moreso, they're genuine federal boffins so there's no doubting their credentials.

And patrick0brien – he probably got those biceps working out in a Government Snake Training Facility. Or something.

 

[patrick0brien]

And patrick0brien – he probably got those biceps working out in a Government Snake Training Facility. Or something.

I was referring more to the fact that a guy with snakes for arms has what use for elbows?

 

[Jaffa Cake]

I was referring more to the fact that a guy with snakes for arms has what use for elbows?

Elbows will prove useful for getting through crowded rooms, although I suspect big snake heads where your hands should be would be even more effective at that.

 

[patrick0brien]

Ah. Thank you for clearing that up.

Resuming my regularly scheduled reality...

 

[spoon man]

Thats cool you guy get all the best things all we get over here is the postal strike plague and the big issue plague .