Feedback on my Short film

Discussion in 'Digital Video' started by etlproductions, May 24, 2013.

  1. etlproductions macrumors newbie

    May 24, 2013
    Hi Everyone,

    I'm looking for feedback on my short film, especially on the cinematography, editing, and video compression. Please let me know what you think. Here's the link:

    Thanks for any advice and feedback you can offer!
  2. daybreak macrumors 6502a

    Sep 4, 2009
    I will give you 100% for trying and end result. But a very poor script.
    All elements of making a video film are there. But you need to concentrate on story line. Even the title was wrong.
    Sorry for hitting you with a negative review.
    You did not establish the character and what they were doing there. Not a very good Alien more of a "Hulk".
    But credit due i found it entertaining. Pity about the script.
  3. fa8362 macrumors 65816

    Jul 7, 2008
    It looked good, but it didn't hold my interest at all, and I stopped viewing after a minute or so. Just not interested in yet another killing/alien story. I was bored after only a couple of seconds.

    I like science fiction, but I consider most science fiction movies and tv shows to be garbage. As such, I'm probably not your target.

  4. zioxide macrumors 603


    Dec 11, 2006
    I'm not a huge fan of science fiction either, but your shot composition and editing was very good. Really liked the look of the film. Good job with the sound and music too.
  5. etlproductions thread starter macrumors newbie

    May 24, 2013
    Thank you all for giving your honest opinions. The feedback is appreciated. Any additional detailed feedback about specific elements would be helpful as well.

    @fa8362 I'd really be interested in hearing what you thought of the whole film, as a lot of people have said that it's more of a drama about hate and friendship than a sci-fi/fantasy.
  6. senseless macrumors 68000


    Apr 23, 2008
    Pennsylvania, USA
    Really well done; especially the effects and makeup. I was expecting a lame alien in a mask and was very surprised how good he looked. Camera work, acting, lighting and audio all excellent.
  7. daybreak macrumors 6502a

    Sep 4, 2009
    The whole project is all wrong. First comes idea then script. Your script let you down giving your video film in the category as rubbish. But you execute the story line in videography fashion.
    It does not matter how big your budget or stars you got or best director or editor . If the SCRIPT is bad so will they rest.
  8. etlproductions thread starter macrumors newbie

    May 24, 2013
  9. OldCorpse macrumors 65816


    Dec 7, 2005
    compost heap
    I watched with the sound off - I felt I wouldn't miss a thing and if anything, it might actually improve my experience if I didn't have to hear poor delivery.

    I lasted 5:04. I might have given it another couple of minutes, but when I saw it was 20 min, I gave up. The #1 problem you have is one you may not be able to do much about, and which plagues all of us unknowns on small budgets - access to tolerable actors. These blokes here were the usual dreck, and that did the short no favors. Not your fault really.

    The #2 problem was the story was just not engaging, such as I managed to glean. I saw the giant and my eyes glazed over. Sorry.

    The #3 problem you have - and this may surprise you - lack of excitement in your work. There is no elegance or interest visually in either the camera work, the staging or lighting. Read that sentence carefully. It doesn't mean it was "student bad". It meant, it didn't rise above sea level.

    Tarantino (paraphrased): "there's a sea of sh|t out there, they come at you like waves. Your job is to throw a grenade in there so that everybody sits up".

    See what I mean? It's not enough to be "OK", or "competent". YOU MUST STAND OUT. How does this stand out HEADS AND SHOULDERS above stuff out there? It doesn't.

    Watch this. It's 14 minutes as against your 20. It was made by a 24-year old guy, back in 1958:

    Two Men and A Wardrobe

    Here's what you should observe and compare to what you did:

    1) Concept

    2) Acting

    3) Camera work

    4) Editing

    Now tell me, how do you think this work stacks up against yours?

    And now go back to that Tarantino paraphrase I gave you above.

    Put those two things together, and then THINK.

    This may seem brutal to you, but it's a huge favor - it cuts to the chase. Your choice is to either step up to the challenge, or follow in the footsteps of hundreds of thousands of amateur filmmakers who never went anywhere. The choice is yours. Best of luck!
  10. salacious macrumors 6502a

    May 15, 2011
    just to point out something obvious, but if your leg was snapped like that in the beginning, you wouldnt be acting normal like that guy was..

    for me the script didnt hit the mark, at the end of the day thats what counts unless your film is a VFX marvel that no one has seen anything like it before but even then that needs some story.

    I wont bang on much apart from just improve your stories, with a better script you are on your way to a better place
  11. daybreak macrumors 6502a

    Sep 4, 2009
    I think enough has been said on his video project. Will be more interesting to see what he will produce next and too see if any elements of advice is evidence in his video.
    As far the Wardrobe film lacks comedy. (That is my opinion only) Polanski was on the tram.
  12. marlon69 macrumors newbie

    Feb 12, 2008
    Nice work

    I think everyone who actually goes out there and tries is a winner. It's such hard work and I can tell you did the effort. To compare to Polanski is just a waste of time. Should we all just sit down in front of the screen and consume when we can also produce. Everyone is a beginner at first. I think there's a lot of nice images. But that said it's true that you have a storyproblem however there are a few things you could do.

    #1 Length. This just doesn't work for 20 minutes.

    # 2 Editing. The film doesn't actually start until the boy (nice looking) starts to run. I'd try to get to the running as fast as possible.

    #3 Less is more. I think that the brute works in some angles where its really dark. There's one shot aound 5 :00 minutes in where you can see the border of the mask around the eye. Take that out. That whole scene is too long.

    At this point I lost interest.

    Keep up the good work!
  13. daybreak macrumors 6502a

    Sep 4, 2009
    There are a lot of people of all ages making video films. 90% are bad. 100% get seen on YouTube and other format.
  14. baypharm macrumors 65816


    Nov 15, 2007
    I think you did a great job! Congratulations on finishing your work. Many good ideas out there but very few people have the toots to finish the project. That's the hardest part. And you did it. Great camera work and editing, too! Now go do it again!
  15. OldCorpse macrumors 65816


    Dec 7, 2005
    compost heap
    Wardrobe wasn't meant to be a comedy. It was meant to be an allegory. Two men appear in a world that does not accept them, so they return to where they came from. Note, that the story is an allegory of the sins: wrath, greed, gluttony, theft, murder etc. (there are incidents illustrating all of them very specifically). It was not a comedy (although there were humorous elements).

    And yes, that was Polanski on the tram - but not only; the little guy who was the member of the gang of thugs that assaulted the wardrobe guys in the park was also Polanski. Look at the parallel confrontation - Polanski measuring up the guy and then beating him up in Wardrobe, and Polanski confronting Nicholson and cutting his nose in Chinatown.
  16. DisMyMac macrumors 65816


    Sep 30, 2009
    Maybe add something to Brute's mystery. Rather than being shot at the end, dude pulls the trigger and 'click'.

    "No bullets!" says Brute... then he runs back into the forest. (The End)

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