Feedback on two shorts, one NSFW.

acearchie

macrumors 68040
Original poster
Jan 15, 2006
3,269
103
Hi guys,

Bit down at the moment as I have just finished another academic year and I am not really happy with the two shorts that I worked on.

Both the stories were a bit flat and in one the acting was a bit off as well.

If anyone has a spare moment could I get some feedback on them?

I am happy to answer any questions associated with the production if there are any?

Leading The Blind: https://vimeo.com/43501340 (WARNING: contains topless nudity and quite a bit of swearing)

Twisted Love: https://vimeo.com/43391834 (Password: TWISTED LOVE)

Thanks guys!
 

Babybandit

macrumors regular
Oct 29, 2008
126
0
Wow. It's been almost 24 hours and no replies has been made. It's really hard to get some critiques on this forum :\. I'll start off.

You sir. Should be happy. You should be proud of what you have done. I've only had time to watch Twisted Love (Nor am I very interested in NSFW Content), and I'll say that Twisted Love was beautiful shot. Absolutely beautiful. That opening slow motioned shot with the cigarette? Wonderful. It's definitely a visual film, finely shot enough to compensate for any "bit off" acting.

As the Camera Operator, that was your job. You've pulled it off perfectly. While I could understand and see Annie's pain and suffering… It was weakly penned in the story. It was the visuals that fixed it, and delivered it. In ways, the story probably suffered because the short relied too much on the visuals to carry it.

Acting Wise, there are drops at time with slight exaggerations (Which isn't too bad, given the style taken for the film). The biggest issue I had was the "I Love You" from Annie before she kills the guy near the beginning. That didn't work for me. I wasn't sold on the love she had for him. I could feel her hesitation, which contributed to the love. But… I don't sense the actual feeling of love - if that makes sense. I assume the script had it along the lines of

Annie : [Pan from Gun to reveal Annie, Shaking heavily, Hesitating] I'm Sorry!

If so, it's again, something that hugely depended on the visuals. As a result, focus might have been taken away from the actual line delivery.

But otherwise, it was fantastic. Be Proud.
 

acearchie

macrumors 68040
Original poster
Jan 15, 2006
3,269
103
But otherwise, it was fantastic. Be Proud.
Thanks. I realised most of these things on set and didn't want to break rank and get everyone wound up by trying to do things my way!

The way I saw it was that I would do the best job I could and then the worse case scenario I would have some good reel footage.

Hopefully next year I'll come up with my own idea that I can direct and therefore get my own story across how I want it!

Thanks again for the feedback!
 
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