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Fiancé leaving me...
- Thread starter eternlgladiator
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sorry bro. I've been there had the same thing happen about 9 years ago when I was just coming out of college. it sucks but you need to move on. If she comes to her senses and IF you're willing to give it another chance maybe in the future... but for now go out and live your life
She got what she wanted from you, you got her through school. That is like a classic dump story, the only difference is that she doesn't have the great future while you took dead end jobs to put her through school.
The real question is how do you feel about her. Is she the one? Does she make your heart skip a beat when you think about her? Do you rush home to see her (granted right now with her stuff that might not be practical)? If you feel that way about her, then do the things that you need to do to win her back.
If you don't feel that way, then run, don't walk to the nearest exit, and face it, she used you, and you used her, but now's the time to call it a day, before you have children and there's no way out because neither of you feel it, but you're staying together for the kids.
I saw the writing on the wall, but refused to read it, and my dear former spouse at least had the gumption to call it day after three kids. It wasn't nice for them at times, but we've all gotten through it, but my children would have been much better off had they been born to a mother who knew how to be a mother, and had a nuclear family that didn't go nuclear every so often.
Good luck.
The real question is how do you feel about her. Is she the one? Does she make your heart skip a beat when you think about her? Do you rush home to see her (granted right now with her stuff that might not be practical)? If you feel that way about her, then do the things that you need to do to win her back.
If you don't feel that way, then run, don't walk to the nearest exit, and face it, she used you, and you used her, but now's the time to call it a day, before you have children and there's no way out because neither of you feel it, but you're staying together for the kids.
I saw the writing on the wall, but refused to read it, and my dear former spouse at least had the gumption to call it day after three kids. It wasn't nice for them at times, but we've all gotten through it, but my children would have been much better off had they been born to a mother who knew how to be a mother, and had a nuclear family that didn't go nuclear every so often.
Good luck.
Let her go. Start over. Start actively pursuing things you really want to do in life. My ex fiancé left me and a few years later wanted to get back together after "exploring her options" and I wanted no part of it. If it's a bumpy road now, it would only get worse down the road in marriage. It hurts and it sucks and it's confusing, but it'll be better for you in the long run and I'm sure you'll find a gal who wants to stick around because she genuinely wants to be with you. Even if you really care for this gal, if it's not reciprocated it just simply can't work. It took me a couple years before I began dating again because the whole idea of relationships put a bad taste in my mouth. I hope everything works out for you.
Here's your female opinion weighing in: the advice so far has been solid -- walk away, tough as it may be. Even if you were to figure something out, the doubt will always be there hanging over you, and it just isn't worth it. Her behavior and how she's treated you shows pretty significant immaturity on her part, which seems to set off warning bells, and the amount of effort to salvage your relationship and rebuild trust would be huge. The next several weeks (months?) are probably going to suck, but you'll be better for it in the long run.
If you're not suited for each other, then you both deserve that chance at finding something better. So staying strong is doing both of you a favor, even though it probably doesn't feel that way right now. Best of luck to you!
In my experience once that switch in a woman's heart has clicked to off then its over, its hard and it will hurt a while but you must move on.
Go find a true soul mate and be happy!
I found that special person, it took a long time (and many mistakes) and its happened later on in life but it was worth the wait.
Good luck to you.
Go find a true soul mate and be happy!
I found that special person, it took a long time (and many mistakes) and its happened later on in life but it was worth the wait.
Good luck to you.
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Yes she still makes my heart skip and you're right that I've been different since this all started but I know she's the one. I don't think she was using me in that sense at all. I do think that there were times she got just as complacent as I did but never did I think she was just using me to get what she needed.
Here's your female opinion weighing in: the advice so far has been solid -- walk away, tough as it may be. Even if you were to figure something out, the doubt will always be there hanging over you, and it just isn't worth it. Her behavior and how she's treated you shows pretty significant immaturity on her part, which seems to set off warning bells, and the amount of effort to salvage your relationship and rebuild trust would be huge. The next several weeks (months?) are probably going to suck, but you'll be better for it in the long run.
If you're not suited for each other, then you both deserve that chance at finding something better. So staying strong is doing both of you a favor, even though it probably doesn't feel that way right now. Best of luck to you!
Thank you Daffodil
Dump that B. When you do, be as cold as you can. If you care deeply for her, fight through it. There are plenty of other chicks out there.
Listen to this guy: http://www.blowmeuptom.com/
(Great advise for young men)
Listen to this guy: http://www.blowmeuptom.com/
(Great advise for young men)
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It's over. Don't keep wasting your time. Friendzone her. Take your ring, and your stuff back and move on with your life.
No matter what this is not meant to be, not if she's like this now before you aren't even married.
She should have communicated these feelings with you, and worked on it or got out. Not lying and faking and whatever else.
Not worth it. Not at all.
No need to be mad at her, or mad at people, be sad, then keep your chin up and just keep trucking along. Life sucks sometimes, but if you let it get the best of you, life beats you.
No matter what this is not meant to be, not if she's like this now before you aren't even married.
She should have communicated these feelings with you, and worked on it or got out. Not lying and faking and whatever else.
Not worth it. Not at all.
No need to be mad at her, or mad at people, be sad, then keep your chin up and just keep trucking along. Life sucks sometimes, but if you let it get the best of you, life beats you.
No she's not, and the sooner you figure this out, the better off you will be. "The one" doesn't treat you like she has.
Here's another female perspective. Sounds like you're giving/providing everything and she isn't contributing much of anything. Now maybe she's a warm and caring person and her love and encouragement and companionship make up for everything else but that's not what I'm reading here. You have to ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship/partnership/marriage you want to be in 10 years from now, one where it seems that you're doing 90% of the giving and caring. If this doesn't seem like a good long-term plan, get out, walk away, and sever all ties. It is better to be alone than with the wrong mate. There are much worse things than being alone as many miserable married people can attest to. I believe there is a right person for everyone who doesn't want to be alone and the trick is having the patience and self-confidence to wait for that right person. Get on with your life. Leave her on good terms but make a clean break and get a fresh start.
This.
Seriously... you'll feel like she's "the one" a while after you've severed ties... but like Gore said... if she was the one for you, she wouldn't be doing any of this. You're going to be having a war with yourself in your head for a while... full of doubt, guilt, anger, confusion, brokenheartedness, etc... but in the grand scheme of things she isn't right for you. Relationships have to be 50/50 (or at least somewhat balanced). You can't be doing all the work. That's not how successful relationships work. That's how misery works.
Wow sorry to hear about that OP. Cut your losses now and move on. Wait until you see how happy you are when the right one REALLY comes along.
Dude, you've gotten some good, solid advice from everyone here. Once the relationship turns down the road yours appears to be on, it rarely comes back. I've seen way too many people suck it up thinking that if we just took things to the next level (got engaged, got married, had a kid, etc.) things will be better. The sad thing is, it never works... move on bud, there is a real diamond out there for you somewhere.
Many posts here offered some valid advice so I don't have much to add. I'm just sorry you are going through this and like others have said, you can't make her stay. It never seems like it when times are rough but it always gets better. Good luck to you and a brighter future!
I would like to add, though, that I have a friend who still, after being screwed multiple times over can't let his first "true love" go. After everything she'll come running back when she's bored, gets dumped, or can't support herself at the time and he falls for it every damn time and it tears me to pieces because he gets so depressed when she leaves again. Please don't make this mistake.
I would like to add, though, that I have a friend who still, after being screwed multiple times over can't let his first "true love" go. After everything she'll come running back when she's bored, gets dumped, or can't support herself at the time and he falls for it every damn time and it tears me to pieces because he gets so depressed when she leaves again. Please don't make this mistake.