I don't think it's all that bad for what it is. Maybe I wouldn't use it as my showpiece for getting into college but I can imagine the amount of work that went into filming and editing it. And he's only a 17 year old.
If I think back to what I was making at 17 then this is a masterpiece.
Like some of the other comments on here I'd say the video's main problem is that it's just too ambitious - too many shots, too much going on, too many characters - and obviously all the effects.
Make your projects simple and spend time on every detail so they can be the best they can. Film a 2 minute scene of two people sat opposite each other talking. Shoot coverage - shoot a wide, shoot over the shoulder angles, shoot any close-ups or cutaways. Take time and get the best performances possible, capture the best images possible with a bit of simple lighting (table lamps will do), capture the best audio possible (If you are at school don't they have audio equipment you can borrow?).
If you can master this and make it look professional then you are on your way.