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Let me get this straight......You want me to 1) copy and paste that entire thing into Google Translator; or 2) learn German real quick?

Neither nor. I tried to accomplish 1) for your convenience.

Doesn't open an English-language Google translation of the German-language article automatically (w/o copy&paste or anything) if you click here?!

No? Sorry. Here it works like this. I pasted the Translator URL in the MR forum URL field when I edited the article. Maybe I am doing something wrong.
 
Quickly reading the badly googletranslated version - you'll learn a lot more from an engadget/gizmodo or 9to5mac.com roundup.
 
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