Getting a GED 2020

[Huntn]

Our 19 year old Grandson dropped out of high school in his senior year after failing 2 courses and not graduating. He has weak parents who are barely handling themselves much less their other kids. He’s visiting us for several weeks, maybe months to see if we can get him motivated to complete his GED.

Has anyone done this recently? I talked to the people at GED.com and they suggested we have him take the 4 prep tests, to see where he is at as far as being prepared. Then based on that, decide to study for it or take the tests. He’s a resident of Minnesota so when it comes time to take the test, he’ll have to do it there and right now, because of Coronavirus, there is a backlog in testing.

Any thought, advice, or suggestions?
Thanks.

 

[millerj123]

I've got family who had to GED for one reason or another, but it's been a while. My only advice is to provide as much support as you can, but realize that it isn't your responsibility for what they chose to do. I can't always get my boys to do the things they are supposed to every day: eat three meals, bathe, brush your teeth, etc. This is with me reminding them repeatedly.

 

[Huntn]

I've got family who had to GED for one reason or another, but it's been a while. My only advice is to provide as much support as you can, but realize that it isn't your responsibility for what they chose to do. I can't always get my boys to do the things they are supposed to every day: eat three meals, bathe, brush your teeth, etc. This is with me reminding them repeatedly.

We’ll see how it goes, he has to show us he is motivated or it will be a short visit. Of note there is an associated thread, but I wanted to try to keep the two discussions seperate as much as possible.

 

[Gutwrench]

Our 19 year old Grandson dropped out of high school in his senior year after failing 2 courses and not graduating. He has weak parents who are barely handling themselves much less their other kids. He’s visiting us for several weeks, maybe months to see if we can get him motivated to complete his GED.

Has anyone done this recently? I talked to the people at GED.com and they suggested we have him take the 4 prep tests, to see where he is at as far as being prepared. Then based on that, decide to study for it or take the tests. He’s a resident of Minnesota so when it comes time to take the test, he’ll have to do it there and right now, because of Coronavirus, there is a backlog in testing.

Any thought, advice, or suggestions?
Thanks.

No advice only a compliment for taking on this challenge Huntn. Progress not perfection is all that is asked of the young man but creating motivation where there may not be any is so difficult. Sometimes only harsh life experience will help those...as painful as it is for the loved ones watching. You and your wife have my best wishes and utmost respect.

 

[Huntn]

No advice only a compliment for taking on this challenge Huntn. Progress not perfection is all that is asked of the young man but creating motivation where there may not be any is so difficult. Sometimes only harsh life experience will help those...as painful as it is for the loved ones watching. You and your wife have my best wishes and utmost respect.

Thank you and I agree that with this as with many things, it’s 90% motivation and as a rule, motivation is required to make any effort successful, and you can’t talk people into being motivated. They must be motivated, and usually in part acquired by their life experiences.

 

[Tomorrow]

While I admire your concern for this child (young man?), it's been my experience that you cannot possibly make someone learn something they have no interest in learning.

Until he shows an interest in his GED, until he's motivated to do this, I fear you're fighting a lost battle. Best of luck to you.

 

[Huntn]

While I admire your concern for this child (young man?), it's been my experience that you cannot possibly make someone learn something they have no interest in learning.

Until he shows an interest in his GED, until he's motivated to do this, I fear you're fighting a lost battle. Best of luck to you.

Thanks! We already know this. Fortunately he is showing interest. Today he took the math and science pre-test which is used to judge how prepared the test taker is, and was advised he would likely pass both of these parts of the GED test. Tomorrow he takes the other two pre-tests- English and something like Social studies (I forget The names).

He told us in his Sr year they had him taking Trig but had no interest in college prep, and me and my wife were like huh? This can easily be a case where his parents dropped the ball.

 

[Jack Neill]

I left 12th half way through because it was a waste of time. I have a great job and am solid middle class with no ones help but my own determination. Even if he doesn't get it, its not the end of the world. Theres plenty of career paths that don't require a diploma or GED or even a degree.

 

[Huntn]

I left 12th half way through because it was a waste of time. I have a great job and am solid middle class with no ones help but my own determination. Even if he doesn't get it, its not the end of the world. Theres plenty of career paths that don't require a diploma or GED or even a degree.

That maybe true, but we have a friend, wife with a working husband, who was severely restricted in job choices without a high school diploma, until she got her GED.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

That maybe true, but we have a friend, wife with a working husband, who was severely restricted in job choices without a high school diploma, until she got her GED.

Exactly this.

And the fact that anytime he applies for a position anywhere, should he be turned down, this is the excuse (and it is a bullet-proof one) that they will reach for and use.

Not only that, should they not want to employ him, if they are seeking a reason to terminate or simply not appoint him, this is what will be used (and there will be no come back).

Yes, of course it is possible to do well in life (personally and professionally) without a GED, but it will need an awful lot of hard work, some luck, and explanations ready to hand (because the question will be asked, why don't you have a GED?); and it is much harder to do well in the absence of the credential, and will serve to act as something that limits your career choices and may well hold you back in your chosen career, - preventing or delaying promotion, for example, or making it harder to achieve - even if you have the necessary skills and experience.

Or worse, even if you have the necessary skills and experience, in the absence of the formal credential, you may have to suffer the sight of seeing others - who have the qualification, the letters, the diploma, - appointed and promoted ahead of you, even though you may be better at the actual job (more skilled, and more experienced); and again, there is no come-back.

@Huntn: I'll echo what @Gutwrench has written above; this is a fine thing to want to do, and very well done to both yourself and your wife for doing it. Kudos and massive respect.

However, the kid also needs to want to do this for himself, he must want this, he must be motivated to do this.

When I was teaching, in addition to the day students (i.e. standard undergrads, the kids who came straight to university from school, mostly from relatively stable middle class backgrounds), I used to seek out opportunities to teach on the evening programmes.

These were degree courses for adults, in other words, second chance education, where the students ranged in age between their late twenties and late 60s, and already had jobs, families, and endless competing demands on their time. Some of them drove incredible distances to attend class, - they never missed - and all were fiercely motivated. They were absolutely wonderful students - engaged, enthusiastic, interested, motivated - and I admired and respected them tremendously.

I did this partly because I believe (massively) in the provision of second chance education - not everyone knows what they want to do with their lives in their late teens, or early twenties, while others - for various reasons, are unable to avail of, or unable to afford to avail of, such life chances when they are in their late teens - and partly, because my mother had studied for a degree at night, taking classes several nights a week for a few years in my last years of primary school and early years of second level - all the while also working and raising us, and because I saw what a difference it made to her confidence, and to her sense of self (she had always wanted to attend university), and what opportunities it opened up for her subsequently, and allowed her to seize.

The very best of luck.

 

[Matz]

Thanks! We already know this. Fortunately he is showing interest. Today he took the math and science pre-test which is used to judge how prepared the test taker is, and was advised he would likely pass both of these parts of the GED test. Tomorrow he takes the other two pre-tests- English and something like Social studies (I forget The names).

He told us in his Sr year they had him taking Trig but had no interest in college prep, and me and my wife were like huh? This can easily be a case where his parents dropped the ball.

I'd also like to give you props for helping him with this, regardless of how it turns out. Based on the fact that he took the pre-tests and did well enough to likely pass those parts of the GED tests suggests that the capacity and at least some motivation are present. Sounds promising, to me.

Not sure what you're saying with respect to college prep, though. Do you feel that college is the preferred choice for him?

If he's not interested in going to a university, a technical or trade program could be solid options, and ultimately more rewarding for him. Has he been encouraged to explore those options? Feeling like he has support for doing so could be motivating in itself.

 

[Huntn]

I'd also like to give you props for helping him with this, regardless of how it turns out. Based on the fact that he took the pre-tests and did well enough to likely pass those parts of the GED tests suggests that the capacity and at least some motivation are present. Sounds promising, to me.

Not sure what you're saying with respect to college prep, though. Do you feel that college is the preferred choice for him?

If he's not interested in going to a university, a technical or trade program could be solid options, and ultimately more rewarding for him. Has he been encouraged to explore those options? Feeling like he has support for doing so could be motivating in itself.

When I went to high school only 50 years ago , there was college prep and vocational paths. We know that he has zero interest in college, so if we had been more involved, would have asked the school district why was he in a trigonometry course? According to him, they made him take it.

The real issue here is that he has no clue what he wants to do. At one point it was police officer, at another realtor, his father is a head chef who got laid off during the COVID crisis, he loves to cook, but “only for himself”. His emotional issues don’t help, he is moody and seems to be depressed. His parents took him in for help, but he refuses to take meds, because of the side effects, according to him. My wife who has been taking Paxil for 30 years failed to persuade him, this was possibly a good option.

So his minimal plan is get his GED, get a job at a Raising Canes Chicken Fast Food*, and move in with his friend who is supposed to be buying a house. All I can say is that it is something, better than hanging out in his Father’s basement, but at least it is movement for now. As I said at the beginning of this thread, he has to get fed up with his situation before he does something about it and hopefully this is phase one.

*Of note, none of the fast food restaurants require a High school education for employment, but he has been convinced he needs one, which is good. The thing about any diploma or degree, is that in a crowded hiring market with too few jobs, employers frequently use diplomas as a screening tool, because the diploma means that you have the ability to apply yourself to something, even if it does not guarantee you’ll be the best employee, it’s one primary way to screen a group of prospective employees.

Maybe it was a different time, but as someone who realized I had to do something to support myself for when I became an adult, my career choice was a no brainer and admittedly, I was very lucky to have identified something, two things that I loved (despite many challenges) that paid well, and for being a commercial pilot, I was extremely motivated to make it happen.

In comparison, no offense intended to anyone, everything else, working in an office, seemed dull and grey. If it had not been a pilot, option 2 would have been architect and I took prep courses for that in college, while I pursued my 4 year military scholarship to have someone else pay my way to being a pilot.

So when I see someone drop out of high school for reasons other than extreme financial hardship, or instability at home, I have to ask what is going on? Yes his parents are separated and getting a divorce, but dropping out of school is a dead end choice as in, this is what you did today, but what are you going to do tomorrow? Is it that hard to see this?

Minnesota has a significant % of kids who drop out of school, when our son graduated in 2000, but Nationally less today, than 50 years ago (Link), while realizing the economy today is fundamentally much less forgiving regarding a low education level. When you drop out of school, how does the individual view the next step? I have to believe there is a disconnect or not seeing the reality of the situation.

But it’s the psychology of dropping out and not being able to see the forest for the tees element. His emotional issues are not helping his situation. I’ve talked to him many times about his path, and he’s always said he has one, but he has strayed from it several times now.

And I’ll be clear about something, helping him, is not carrying him, we are too old to carry.

 

[Matz]

Your original post and the ensuing discussion evoked a conversation I had during an internship between my first and second year of earning a graduate degree.

It was with a guy who, like me, was a bit older than most of the students in our respective two-year masters programs. He was attending Harvard in a program comparable to the one I was attending at a university in Pittsburgh, centered around public management and policy.

We talked about the rigors of our respective programs, and shared that neither of us had previously worked that hard (in a non-physical sense). The academic rigor, expectations, and workloads were crushing. But we both found the subject matter interesting, and practical in the sense of better understanding the world through the lenses of economics (and therefore statistics), political science, and public policy formulation and analysis. It was a paradigm shift for both of us.

He was conflicted, though, as he often felt that he didn’t belong at Harvard - that he had applied for and entered the program more to meet his parent’s, friends, and others’ expectations than to fulfill his own needs and desires. I could somewhat relate, as I too often felt like an outsider amongst my classmates.

He said that before going to grad school, he earned money by renovating old houses, occasionally selling them, and often making money at it. And that was what he loved doing. Working with his hands together with his mind to achieve a vision. I could relate to this experience, too. At various points I’ve earned money working on construction crews in various roles, particularly carpentry, and eventually reached the point to where today, if needed, I could earn a decent living at it.

Although neither of us said it in this way, my recollection of that conversation is that we were discussing a shared experience, and a belief: That doing work with one’s hands, together with one’s mind, in the act of creating something, is one of the most deeply satisfying of human experiences. And, while we didn’t say it at the time, I think we would have both been comfortable with the notion that it can also be a profoundly spiritual experience.

What to do? We talked about how he could incorporate the fine education he was receiving into his dream, and explored the notion that a deeper understanding of government, politics, and public funding for urban renewal and so forth, could indeed be an asset to the business of acquiring and renovating old houses and buildings.

It was exciting for me to see and hear him go from sounding somewhat depressed, at least during the initial part of the conversation, to watching the wheels starting to turn, then growing into what seemed to be a sense of hope, and the spark of excitement.

It’s hard to convey just how much I enjoyed the conversation, and how much of an impact it had on me. It would be interesting to know how it turned out for him; I will probably never know.

What struck me was the power of his discovering an opportunity that was meaningful to him - a unique opportunity to combine the best of two seemingly divergent paths into something significantly more meaningful and satisfying to him than either one by itself.

I feel better for having recalled this. And sincerely hope that your grandson can discover an opportunity to do something satisfying, that he can succeed at, and that he had not previously imagined.

 

[Macky-Mac]

... The thing about any diploma or degree, is that in a crowded hiring market with too few jobs, employers frequently use diplomas as a screening tool, because the diploma means that you have the ability to apply yourself to something, even if it does not guarantee you’ll be the best employee, it’s one primary way to screen a group of prospective employees....

What you wrote is very true, and not only when jobs are few.

 

[Plutonius]

Our 19 year old Grandson dropped out of high school in his senior year after failing 2 courses and not graduating. He has weak parents who are barely handling themselves much less their other kids. He’s visiting us for several weeks, maybe months to see if we can get him motivated to complete his GED.

Has anyone done this recently? I talked to the people at GED.com and they suggested we have him take the 4 prep tests, to see where he is at as far as being prepared. Then based on that, decide to study for it or take the tests. He’s a resident of Minnesota so when it comes time to take the test, he’ll have to do it there and right now, because of Coronavirus, there is a backlog in testing.

Any thought, advice, or suggestions?
Thanks.

From what I have heard, getting a GED is not trivial with many claiming that it was harder then going through school.

It's all up to the effort by your Grandson, if he wants to succeed in completing the GED.

 

[MPclk2006]

Our 19 year old Grandson dropped out of high school in his senior year after failing 2 courses and not graduating. He has weak parents who are barely handling themselves much less their other kids. He’s visiting us for several weeks, maybe months to see if we can get him motivated to complete his GED.

Has anyone done this recently? I talked to the people at GED.com and they suggested we have him take the 4 prep tests, to see where he is at as far as being prepared. Then based on that, decide to study for it or take the tests. He’s a resident of Minnesota so when it comes time to take the test, he’ll have to do it there and right now, because of Coronavirus, there is a backlog in testing.

Any thought, advice, or suggestions?
Thanks.

If I could give you any advice is to sway away from a GED and convince him to finish HS or get an alternative HS diploma. Make sure the school is accredited, I've had young men and women get the "I paid $200 and took a test and they sent me a diploma" be very disappointed when I let them know its not worth anything.

For reference on why I say this, I am an Army Recruiter and we (as all other branches) see a GED as less than a HS diploma, he has more obstacles and has to score higher to try and join than someone who graduates HS. Look at Penn Foster (online school) for an example of a good alternative HS.

Good luck in whatever route he and you all come up with and decide moving forward!

 

[Huntn]

From what I have heard, getting a GED is not trivial with many claiming that it was harder then going through school.

It's all up to the effort by your Grandson, if he wants to succeed in completing the GED.

That maybe be true if you lack any significant education, say you are an immigrant from down South and barely know any English. That’s going to be tough. Our Grand kid sailed through first two science and math prep tests. We may just rent him the GED flash cards, and then let him go take the test. Of note, I’ve not checked, but there are reported backlogs in testing due to CV19.

 

[Huntn]

There is definitely some depression, and disconnect here. When asked what are your goals in life, the answer was be a millionaire, live in a mansion in California, and own a fleet of cars.
We may have convinced him, that a basic education is the first step to get the ball rolling.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

There is definitely some depression, and disconnect here. When asked what are your goals in life, the answer was be a millionaire, live in a mansion in California, and own a fleet of cars.
We may have convinced him, that a basic education is the first step to get the ball rolling.

Oh, dear.

Mansion and cars are simply crude enough status symbols, a materialistic and public expression of having acquired a certain amount of wealth.

Candidly, I doubt that there are any particular mansions (specific architectural styles?) or cars (brands? models?) that he finds especially attractive (i.e. I doubt he has an informed aesthetic - or a personal aesthetic that means something - at this stage of his life).

In other words, if he knew enough (about art, and/or his own personal preferences) to be able to make a confident statement to the effect of - for example - "I love Art Deco" (which my Other Brother does), I'd have more respect for him.

Just wanting "mansions" and "a fleet of cars" is..........such a tired cliché.

"Be a millionaire": There are three generally accepted ways to bring this about:

1. Inherit money.

2. Earn money: By providing or selling a good (something - such as a car, computer, a fridge, etc. something manufactured),

or, by providing, or selling a service (lawyer, doctor, gardener, cleaner...)

or, by having a skill - music, sports, etc - that someone is prepared to pay you for.

or,

3. Win the Lotto.

Even with such a nebulous ambition (I want to be a millionaire), does he want this because the society in which he lives reveres displays or wealth, or because he wishes to be financially independent and there are goods he wishes to be in a position to be able to buy?

 

[Huntn]

Oh, dear.

Mansion and cars are simply crude enough status symbols, a materialistic and public expression of having acquired a certain amount of wealth.

Candidly, I doubt that there are any particular mansions (specific architectural styles?) or cars (brands? models?) that he finds especially attractive (i.e. I doubt he has an informed aesthetic - or a personal aesthetic that means something - at this stage of his life).

"Be a millionaire": There are three generally accepted ways to bring this about:

1. Inherit money.

2. Earn money: By providing or selling a good (something - such as a car, computer, a fridge, etc. something manufactured),

or, by providing, or selling a service (lawyer, doctor, gardener, cleaner...)

or, by having a skill - music, sports, etc - that someone is prepared to pay you for.

or,

3. Win the Lotto.

Even with such a nebulous ambition (I want to be a millionaire), does he want this because the society in which he lives reveres displays or wealth, or because he wishes to be financially independent and there are goods he wishes to be in a position to be able to buy?

California is where his girlfriend lives. My perception is that the mansion and cars symbolize an exaggerated comfortable life without worry and being able to satisfying a love of cars and hedonistic desire.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

California is where his girlfriend lives. My perception is that the mansion and cars symbolize an exaggerated comfortable life without worry and being able to satisfying a love of cars and hedonistic desire.

That is what I thought; status symbols representing a luxury lifestyle of comfort and ease (and yes, hedonistic desire, he probably thought it prudent to confine himself to mentioning cars and mansions when speaking with you, whereas any reference to "hot women" might provoke a storm), without any thought whatsoever as to how this might be achieved.

Part of the problem - and, when I was teaching, I saw this with guys especially, a lot less so with women - is how unformed (and yes, possibly immature, but more unformed than immature) many of them actually are - in terms of character, commitment, ambition, motivation, interests, and any understanding or knowledge of self - until they arrive at their mid-twenties.

Usually, by their final year at university, you would see them eventually and finally (and belatedly) growing into themselves, physically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally. Prior to that, it was sometimes a challenging journey.

 

[PhoenixDown]

It sounds like he's been coddled for too long and he's just coasting through life. It's going to be tough to get him out of this apathy. You will need to provide the structure it sounds like he is currently lacking therefore you should set expectations early on and set a time frame around how long he has to accomplish certain milestones. Consider things that will push his boundries and make him uncomfortable.

Lastly, I will leave you with something my mentor and life coach shared with me:
"The feminine grows through nuture. The masculine grows through challenge".

Nuture him but also challenge him.

 

[Macky-Mac]

...When asked what are your goals in life, the answer was be a millionaire, live in a mansion in California, and own a fleet of cars.

hmmm.....sounds a bit like a tale that someone posts here from time to time